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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I am an amputee of two years I am sixty four old. Been married

Customer Question

I am an amputee of two years I am sixty four old. Been married forty five years. My husband has been diagnoised as being narrcistic by two psychologist yèars àgô. My problem now is he will buy me things that I really do not need. But, I am afraid to tell him because he will pout or punih me in little ways that you ask yourself "is this really happening?" He controls all the money. Period. But he does give me thirty dollars a week which I have to save fifteen dollars of it. My grandmother left me money to buy this house and land before she died. The monies that I earned when I could work plus my grandmother's money she gave me before she died he controls. All I have now is him, so I feel very alone. I try to talk to him but he berates what I say. So either you get ina big argument, or just take it. I detest confrontation. Am I still living with a narcisstic man, or can I do things to make it better.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I am sorry that you are married to a man who has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Unfortunately though if your husband is not choosing to seek treatment for his personality disorder than by all likelihood his negative behavior towards you will only continue and may worsen even more. Even with treatment, the likelihood that your husband's behavior will improve are very low as the treatment for this disorder has proven ineffective for most individuals diagnosed with NPD. I know you want to try to do things to make your life better, but remember you are not in control of his behavior. How he treats you is entirely his choice, and that means only he can choose to stop. You can try to go to therapy for yourself and learning coping mechanisms for yourself, but in the end your husband's problematic behavior will still be present and will still continue to distress and hurt you emotionally. I am sure when those other two psychologists that diagnosed him with NPD told you that the only way to help yourself emotionally is to leave and separate from him because the likelihood of him changing is next to zero.
I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. I truly hope you consider how ingrained NPD is for an individual and how your husband's behavior will not change and will continue to cause you great distress and emotional pain the longer you stay in this marriage. I wish you all the best no matter what choice you make.
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