I am requesting Kate Mcoy please
I am writing in due to some ongoing issues with my spouse. THe short version is I think he is an alcoholic. I have known for a while about his drinking. We have been married for almost 2 years, and together for 6. I maybe have 2 drinks twice a month, but maybe not even that much. He is very social in the community and a golfer, and drinks with them. Some of them are alcoholics too. ( I believe) . About a year ago he was up at a friends house and was drinking. He called me from there and I could tell he was smashed. He told me he would either stay the night there, or walk home, but he drove home, and drove through our garage.taking out the water heater, and causing 9,000$ of damage. After that he had a semi come to jesus.. saying he's not going to drink again, was sorry etc.. went for " some counseling" which kind of consisted of about 4-5 sessions with a therapist. THings were good for a while, until he started slowly drinking again.. one beer turned into 3 which turned into 10.. 2 weeks ago, the same thing occurred, he was drinking and driving and drove home, after he got out of his car he was plastered, stumbling, rambling on . I was livid. especially due to after the first time him telling me that it would " never happen again". OF note, he is 40 yrs old and I am 50 yrs old .
I took the dog and left. That night he told me through his slurry voice. "hey I"m having some people over for a party". I was like.. uh. no you are not, you have had plenty to drink. he argued, people started coming over, and I took the dog and left. I was gone all night. I went to the partk, and then I went and parked and slept in my car. at 50 yrs old I SLEPT IN my car. IT's rediculous. He told me he had another " come to jesus moment" . I told him that I cant live like this, cant go through this every 6 months. I love him, but I need the last 20 years of my life to be peaceful and worry free. I already have 2 grown kids that are wonderful, that I worry about. I dont need the added stress
. He knows all this, and swears he will " work on it".
This last week, he went golfing, He told me that he had bought some lemonade so he didnt have to drink. THen I saw his phone messages to one of his friends that was with him during this time, and he texted his friend that he was " totally drunk". I read it and cried myself to sleep last night.
Aaron is a wonderful guy. but I feel lied to, afraid to get close to him, afraid to love him. I'm afraid of getting hurt. Sometimes when I talk to him about things, i think he gets it, other times, i think he tells me what I want to hear at that moment.
I need advice. My first husband was an alcoholic, so I get how this kind of stuff works.
I also think I can see the future. it's going to get better for a while again, and then it's going to ramp up again, and then aaron ( my spouse ) is going to feel bad for failing.. AGAIN!
How much do I take, ? how do i handle this now? He says he is " dealing with it' and "even went to an A/A meeting last week. he said he didnt talk, but just listened.
I know that he cant drink AT ALL. because he cant just have " a few" a few is either 1, or 12, I never know.
Last time he drank he was screaming at me in our driveway to F off, to go F myself. He barely remembers this.. but he has NEVER spoken to me that way ever. I was angry, hurt, and upset, and still have not even recovered from that incident let alone his now golfing incident where, he admitted he drank, but was not " drunk"