Well, I am at a cross roads. I've been married for 1 year and a half and my wife is currently 4 months pregnant. Some may say this is normal, after all, she's pregnant; but I noticed a change in her behavior 2 weeks prior to our wedding that has been consistent. She has a 7 year old son from a previous relationship who travels from house to house throughout the week due to a court order. This will be my very first at 27 years old.
My wife, had a ruff childhood. Being a twin, she always competed for attention and validity. Both of them grew up overweight, dealing with insecurities that come with that territory. Her mother and father had divorced when she was 12 and did
not have a tight knit relationship with her father. He did fight to get custody of all 4 of his children from this relationship but lost, leaving frustrated and focusing on starting new families. She struggled with feeling abandoned by her mother and father; in fact, her mother would leave for long periods of time leaving my wife and her siblings alone to raise themselves up.
My wife was forced to grow up quickly basically without parents and is very independent. Her mother was not close to my wife's grandfather; almost all of the women in her family are alone or divorced. My wife's father grew up in an orphanage in New York. His parents passed away from overdoses.
My wife had her son when she was 19 while attending college. I assumed that the child is extremely intelligent after listening to lectures for so long lol.
She met her son's father during summer vacation; he was immersed in the church, and converted her to Christianity. They had their son shortly. Living in his mother's row home among other family members', they went their separate ways after he cheated on her with his ex-girlfriend (current wife). She went into a self destructive way of life for about a year; embracing the nightclub scene, drinking irresponsibly and being recklessly promiscuous on a daily basis.
She went into counseling for a year seeking peace and help.
Just a little background on my wife.
As for myself, I grew up with both parents, my mother being more dominant than my father. As the oldest in a home with 3 other siblings, I found myself sacrificing a lot in order to raise my siblings while my parents constantly worked. All of the women in my family are extremely strong. The boys grew up without men showing them how to be men, other than our grandfather. We grew up in a Christian household that emasculated me and my brothers, in which we are still effected in major ways today.
I grew up not feeling respected wherever I went. Possessing a love-hard heart, I was taken advantage of everywhere I went. The connection with my parents to this day, feels non-existent and taxes my soul. My mother wasn't perfect, but she made an honest effort to raise us right. However because of her lust for control, she would go to great lengths at distorting truth in order to manipulate our impressionable minds.
I sought relationships with women as young as 1st grade to fill the voids left by my mother. I adopted a love for music and martial arts that help channel my energy in more helpful ways. Martial arts ended when I was 12, and I didn't start making my own music until I was 15. I've struggled with very strong and aggressive women in all areas of life. Its as if, they all wanted to challenge my manhood, to see if they can control me. Not knowing how to handle situations, I would often allow the abuse or remain in very depressed states.
I see male's role in society changing everyday, and its frightening. There are no male role-models' with any ethics. Almost all the men I know are repeat offenders, drug dealers, just negatively flawed. I was engaged before my wife, to a ministers daughter, and ended in confusion. The minister, who I sought for spiritual guidance, would excuse any and all negative behavior of her daughter and give me advice based on her benefit.
Having no relationship with my parents and a faulty relationship with my minister, I held on to my beliefs in God. Its all I had. My wife met me a church function and we exchanged numbers. We were inseparable. I laid out everything on the table for her about myself and my expectations. Trying to be thorough and extremely sure that this was my future wife, I would ask questions and observe so I had a pretty good idea what I was getting myself into.
My mother did not approve of us being together and invested time and energy into sabotaging our relationship. I don't associate with my family any more because of things they've done against my wife and myself. I don't have many friends and I work all the time. I don't have time for myself really, its spent working on trying to grow businesses and bring money into our household.
My wife and I can never seem to resolve any of our problems