Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about your loss.
Grieving a parent after fighting terminal illness could easily become very overwhelming for most people.
it is obvious you have been deeply impacted by this painful live event.
yes i do seem to be grieving more for him than my mother.
Bipolar disorders just makes it tougher to cope with painful situations, and that's why not only adequate medication but consistent individual psychotherapy is necessary to control bipolar symptoms and rehabilitate from ti, and now of specific therapy for your grief.
Grief could take from a few months to years depending on specific circumstances, attachment, affection, expectations, what was shared and many other factors, and untreated unresolved grief could cause or worsen serious mental health disorders.
but what do you think the cause is. of me looking at pornographic sites. it seemed to have happened the day of his death
When we feel overwhelmed by painful feelings from life issues we do not know how to effectively cope with, the level of anxiety, stress or of any other painful feelings, from sadness, t fear and frustration, push us a lot, and this is why our body-mind look for ways to get some relief, and this is how most compulsive-addictive behaviors develop.
You may be using pornography as a way to get some instant relief from the overwhelming painful feelings caused and triggered by his loss.
yeah thats what i thought. havent told my wife or family whats happening. but it is becoming quite overwhelming.
This is why to resolve this new issue, which could be the way of trying to cope without effectively coping but numbing, you need to address the core issues and the painful feelings, to effectively vent and process them, in order to heal and move on, without repression, avoidance or any other unhealthy defense mechanism undermining this process not your health, mood or functioning.
i think iwill go back to my doctor and hopefully try and get pointed in the right direction.
You need adequate psychotherapeutic support for this, including group therapy r individual therapy and active participation in a support group.
ok thanks for your help doctor. this is what i will do. thanks very much for your help
sorry about repeating myself
Please be sure that grief is a normal process, painful but necessary, and when it gets unresolved, it leads to mental health problems, which require of psychological support, more than of psychiatric drugs. You do need to continue taking good care and control of yourself around bipolar disorder, but for real rehabilitation from it and to heal from your loss, psychotherapy is essential.
You're very welcome.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care and consistent action.