How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5211
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
74815544
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Anxious & Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious & Peru
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello, how are you doing?

Dr. Z :

How was your therapy appointment on Thursday?

Customer:

It was good, before going to therapy I wanted to lisend to a song and I cry.
He seems to think that she does not know how to express and received love in a way.. and he thinks all the things point to cheating but we don't know.. so ..
I haven't had contact w her, no text or call.. But this AM.. I went to see her

Customer:

I was conscious of my thiughts and possible consecuences

Dr. Z :

Oh no, what happened when you saw her?

Customer:

we talked.. like 2 adults.. I asked her how she was doing .. she say ok, I asked how she was feeling and if the medication was helping her, she say a little, but she has a small headache.. I asked about Monday, and she told me she was on phone with dad. he wanted her to fly out that evening or the next day, since her mom was not doing good, that I kept calling her and texting her and she got frustrated and angry and stop answering. I told her the least that I would expect of the woman Im with is to tell me, come over and spend the night here. she told me that she was dealing with that and it was draining her, she could not be doing that, and focus on her family. I asked why she didn't txt me and contact me, she told me because it she felt she did not do anything wrong, so I say, it will be nice it you had communicate more with me about the situation. I told her, your car was not here, she told me she had park it on the other side of the building wich I never went and saw.

Customer:

she told me she told me if the situation on Monday was diferent she would had told me to come over, but she did not kniw what to do.. and possible flight home

Customer:

I asked about the ticket from the car service.. she told me

Customer:

if I remember the day we went to a café for lunch and she had someones car. I say yes. I remember that day I got upset and since then, she rents car or ask Girlfriends for her car.. she told me that that was his car. I told her that I wanted to help and support her, that I don't want her to be asking no one for a favor, first me, its a mutual thing, im here for her and she is for me.

Customer:

so.. she told me she did not remember, but she remember that her car was not working and I do remember taht

Customer:

I told her that was great she was setting boundaries, with the family thing.. totally understand that, but there was the need of more communication. also not seing each other, because were both schedules suck.. so I asked her... can we have a DAY for us since our schedule is like that.. she say yes and we decided on a day. she told me weekends she might work but she will tell me in advance. and that she will put more effort to spend time.
we both agree that this is draingin for both and that working on this " might " save the relationship. soI threw the question abouth counseling.. and she was 50/50 and she told me she thinks its not necessary, its not like we have a lot of time togheter, and that when? if her schedule is busy. so I say tuesday! and that I think in this early stages it can helps us to be better so she agrees.

Customer:

I was super anxious at the beginning and after that I was calm..

Dr. Z :

Well it sounds like it was a good conversation, but here is a big question, do you trust her? Because a few days ago you did not trust her at all

Customer:

Dr Z my mind tells me yes. Honestly.
I asked her why she continues the relationship, since we have all this problems and her answer was. "I care about you"
and she is whilling to communicate more and do the Tuesday date night..

Dr. Z :

Well that is quite the turn around, but you realize you cannot keep going back and forth on this issue, it is not fair to her and it is too stressful to you. If you trust her, you have trust her with everything no matter what

Customer:

so when you say, "quite the turn around" have you seen this in couples, and do you believe her?

Customer:

Im guessing your answer to beliving her is no..

Dr. Z :

I see turn arounds in couples like this before, and it does not matter what I believe, it is what you believe.

Customer:

true..

Dr. Z :

I believed her story many times before and I thought your anxiety and insecurity was your biggest issue.

Customer:

G point

Customer:

I finishes the book u recommend me And that is why I asked some of the questions I asked her today

Dr. Z :

That is very good and I am glad that you liked the book

Customer:

I asked what she did not like about me, she told me is always we talked about this a get into a argument.. so I say, Have you thought about spending more time together? even when u have ur hedaches? maybe I can spend the night, she say yes, but not if I want to F and when she has a headache she feels bad because I push and push to the point she does not give it up and I get mad.. that's when the problem begins and she trys to avoid that.

Customer:

that is draining. this days she thought about if it was worth continuing, and I say that is great! what did you came up to? and she say if we can figure things out, but she was not gonna reach me because she felt I did not understand her that night and she was upset.

Dr. Z :

Well it sounds like you both have a ways to go, but at least you two are communicating

Customer:

a ways to go?

Dr. Z :

Well the relationship is not on firm solid ground right now, but you two are moving in the right direction by communicating

Customer:

I really loved the Book, on my list of Favorites, I like one chapter that talks about setting boundaries and talks about the cell phone. something like, a phone call is a request, you don't have to pick the call up. if they continue and continue, you set your boundaries and say "im busy right now , but I will call you as soon as im done" the other person will probably get defensive and you say that 3 times "im bz but ill call u back" if they continue or things get heated, you just say, I have to go Ill call u later.
this is setting your boundary and eventualy the next time you say " im bz ill call you back" they will understand.
I saw my self in the mirrow with this.

Dr. Z :

That is good a little self-reflection is always a good thing and I am glad that the chapter gave you some good perspective

Customer:

that's when she told me about family I say "that's great your setting boundaries and I totally respect and understand that"

Dr. Z :

Yep I agree

Customer:

well Dr z, will see.. another thing the book says you have 3 options.
accept it
change it
leave

Dr. Z :

It is very simple, but it is true

Customer:

so I thought I was in the changing it stage, but I decide to give it one nmore try

Dr. Z :

You both have some things to work on, but if you both make the effort you will see this through

Dr. Z :

Just continue to communicate and try to see each other more often is a great start

Customer:

thanks!

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always here to support you

Customer:

Good Bless U

Dr. Z :

God Bless you as well, let me know how Tuesday goes :)

Customer:

I will

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5211
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education