Hello, how are you doing?
How was your therapy appointment on Thursday?
It was good, before going to therapy I wanted to lisend to a song and I cry.He seems to think that she does not know how to express and received love in a way.. and he thinks all the things point to cheating but we don't know.. so ..I haven't had contact w her, no text or call.. But this AM.. I went to see her
I was conscious of my thiughts and possible consecuences
Oh no, what happened when you saw her?
we talked.. like 2 adults.. I asked her how she was doing .. she say ok, I asked how she was feeling and if the medication was helping her, she say a little, but she has a small headache.. I asked about Monday, and she told me she was on phone with dad. he wanted her to fly out that evening or the next day, since her mom was not doing good, that I kept calling her and texting her and she got frustrated and angry and stop answering. I told her the least that I would expect of the woman Im with is to tell me, come over and spend the night here. she told me that she was dealing with that and it was draining her, she could not be doing that, and focus on her family. I asked why she didn't txt me and contact me, she told me because it she felt she did not do anything wrong, so I say, it will be nice it you had communicate more with me about the situation. I told her, your car was not here, she told me she had park it on the other side of the building wich I never went and saw.
she told me she told me if the situation on Monday was diferent she would had told me to come over, but she did not kniw what to do.. and possible flight home
I asked about the ticket from the car service.. she told me
if I remember the day we went to a café for lunch and she had someones car. I say yes. I remember that day I got upset and since then, she rents car or ask Girlfriends for her car.. she told me that that was his car. I told her that I wanted to help and support her, that I don't want her to be asking no one for a favor, first me, its a mutual thing, im here for her and she is for me.
so.. she told me she did not remember, but she remember that her car was not working and I do remember taht
I told her that was great she was setting boundaries, with the family thing.. totally understand that, but there was the need of more communication. also not seing each other, because were both schedules suck.. so I asked her... can we have a DAY for us since our schedule is like that.. she say yes and we decided on a day. she told me weekends she might work but she will tell me in advance. and that she will put more effort to spend time. we both agree that this is draingin for both and that working on this " might " save the relationship. soI threw the question abouth counseling.. and she was 50/50 and she told me she thinks its not necessary, its not like we have a lot of time togheter, and that when? if her schedule is busy. so I say tuesday! and that I think in this early stages it can helps us to be better so she agrees.
I was super anxious at the beginning and after that I was calm..
Well it sounds like it was a good conversation, but here is a big question, do you trust her? Because a few days ago you did not trust her at all
Dr Z my mind tells me yes. Honestly.I asked her why she continues the relationship, since we have all this problems and her answer was. "I care about you"and she is whilling to communicate more and do the Tuesday date night..
Well that is quite the turn around, but you realize you cannot keep going back and forth on this issue, it is not fair to her and it is too stressful to you. If you trust her, you have trust her with everything no matter what
so when you say, "quite the turn around" have you seen this in couples, and do you believe her?
Im guessing your answer to beliving her is no..
I see turn arounds in couples like this before, and it does not matter what I believe, it is what you believe.
I believed her story many times before and I thought your anxiety and insecurity was your biggest issue.
I finishes the book u recommend me And that is why I asked some of the questions I asked her today
That is very good and I am glad that you liked the book
I asked what she did not like about me, she told me is always we talked about this a get into a argument.. so I say, Have you thought about spending more time together? even when u have ur hedaches? maybe I can spend the night, she say yes, but not if I want to F and when she has a headache she feels bad because I push and push to the point she does not give it up and I get mad.. that's when the problem begins and she trys to avoid that.
that is draining. this days she thought about if it was worth continuing, and I say that is great! what did you came up to? and she say if we can figure things out, but she was not gonna reach me because she felt I did not understand her that night and she was upset.
Well it sounds like you both have a ways to go, but at least you two are communicating
a ways to go?
Well the relationship is not on firm solid ground right now, but you two are moving in the right direction by communicating
I really loved the Book, on my list of Favorites, I like one chapter that talks about setting boundaries and talks about the cell phone. something like, a phone call is a request, you don't have to pick the call up. if they continue and continue, you set your boundaries and say "im busy right now , but I will call you as soon as im done" the other person will probably get defensive and you say that 3 times "im bz but ill call u back" if they continue or things get heated, you just say, I have to go Ill call u later.this is setting your boundary and eventualy the next time you say " im bz ill call you back" they will understand.I saw my self in the mirrow with this.
That is good a little self-reflection is always a good thing and I am glad that the chapter gave you some good perspective
that's when she told me about family I say "that's great your setting boundaries and I totally respect and understand that"
Yep I agree
well Dr z, will see.. another thing the book says you have 3 options.accept itchange it leave
It is very simple, but it is true
so I thought I was in the changing it stage, but I decide to give it one nmore try
You both have some things to work on, but if you both make the effort you will see this through
Just continue to communicate and try to see each other more often is a great start
Anytime, I am always here to support you
Good Bless U
God Bless you as well, let me know how Tuesday goes :)