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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4858
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Ive having trouble deciding if I should go home for the holidays.

Resolved Question:

I've having trouble deciding if I should go home for the holidays. My mother as of last year has been in remission from cancer and she and my dad live back home in the Bahamas. I live in Florida with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I originally had plans to take a cruise for Christmas but I had a dream last night that my mom got sick again and was back in the hospital. My siblings withheld this information from me because they claimed I wasn't "around enough." I have not been back to the Bahamas is about three years but when my mom was sick I moved her to Florida and was her caretaker in the US since my dad doesn't have US citizenship. My parents feel I should come home since I missed Christmas last year to spend time with my boyfriend but it is financial more feasible for me not to make the trip to the Bahamas. It's half the price to stick with my original plans to spend Christmas with my boyfriend on a discount cruise we found. Any advice?
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's illness, I can understand how this is a difficult period of your life.

Dr. Z :

On a personal level, I currently have a close family member getting treated for cancer, so I do understand what you are going through.

Dr. Z :

I know that it would be a sacrifice personally and financially if you went to the Bahamas to visit your family during the holidays, but I think it would be important for you. Most likely the dream you had was more about your subconscious guilt that you may be feeling if you do not go and that is why you dreamed she may be get sick again

Customer:

It's just really hard for me to go home because I sacrificed a lot financial when she was originally sick and I am just rebuilding my life and savings so in a way I want to move forward and live my life again with my boyfriend

Dr. Z :

I think going to visit your family during the holidays would be something that you know is the right thing to do and that your family would greatly appreciate. You and your boyfriend have the whole rest of the new year to spend with each other, this is only for a very short period of time and hopefully your mother will have many more Holidays in the future, but in reality we never know.

Dr. Z :

I understand that, I think that you may be feeling guilt inside and your dreams are trying to tell you something. If you do not go, you may not enjoy your vacation as much as you would like.

Customer:

I understand what you're saying. My boyfriend says he understands if I go and says we should hold of on paying for the cruise until we know for sure how I feel about going home. He said if I go home he will go home because he hasn't gone home in about five years because of his job

Dr. Z :

So I think both your family and his family would appreciate this. I mean you and your boyfriend spend 99 percent of your time together, it does not hurt to visit family and be a apart for a little while then

Customer:

I'm also sorry to hear about your family member and I hope everything goes well with his/her prognosis. It really is difficult

Dr. Z :

It is difficult and I am like you, I am being the caretaker. So I was like what you were for your mother, and you are right it is a sacrifice

Customer:

I did get some extra money recently so perhaps I will spent Christmas with my family and new years with my boyfriend and his sister

Customer:

*spend

Dr. Z :

I think that is a fair compromise and I know financially it will be difficult, but I think it would be something that your family appreciates and something that you will help put your mind at ease too

Customer:

I agree. I will talk to my boyfriend and make the arrangements. Thank you and I wish you the best as you're assuming a new role in your family.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am happy that I was able to help you and give you some guidance on this issue. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Customer:

That's the most pressing issue now I guess

Dr. Z :

Well i wish you the best of luck with everything and I hope you enjoy your upcoming holidays. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX Best of luck to you too.

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4858
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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