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Hello I believe I may be able to help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your marriage is having this difficulty currently, would you mind giving me more details on this issue so that I can be able to assist you more.
I am so sorry to hear this, may I ask what prompted you to have the affair? Were you unhappy in your marriage?
I understand your wife's position about having confidence issues regarding this, but it appears from what you are telling me is that you both want to try to work this out because it has been 10 months since the affair. Have you both considered seeking counseling to help her restore her confidence and trust in you?
Also in regards XXXXX XXXXX other woman emailing both of you I think it would be a great idea if you blocked her email address or changed email addresses because she is just reminding your wife about the affair and not letting her get past this
That is what I thought, I just wanted to ask. Have you considered online therapy though? That can be confidential and in the privacy of your own home
That is why I think closing your email account and then opening a new one with a new email address would be wise. You can inform your friends, family, and co-workers of your new email but no one else.
Okay, well that is an issue but hopefully she will get bored and stop emailing or find someone else to attach to.
Lets continue to concentrate on you and your wife.
So your wife is having difficulty getting past this affair, which I think we both can agree is understandable. Your wife feels hurt and is having an issue with trusting you, so it will take time to rebuild that trust with her. Since you both cannot see a therapist, have you both tried to self-help books that may be able to help you?
Also did you tell your wife why you sought the affair?
Yeah I know what you meant by the book, I have read it before.
Maybe that is one reason why your wife is not comfortable yet because she does not know why you committed the affair so she wonders if it will happen again
So a goal would be helping your wife understand that you will never do this again, so that she can start to trust you again
Okay well lets see if we can make some headway on this... this other woman was she younger?
Okay that is definitely younger. And who initiated the affair? Basically who started flirting first her or you?
And was the affair primarily sexual or not?
So it sounds like this was the mostly a physical affair with no real personal attachments to this woman, that is actually something that works in your favor. It is possible that you found this woman attractive and that you were fearing, subconsciously, that as you got older you would not be able to attract a woman like this in the future, so you thought this may be your last shot to have an affair with this young of a woman. Basically it was an affair of opportunity for you.
That can be a start to help you gain more acceptance of your role now in your marriage with your wife and help you realize that you want to be with her and only her, but that will take time to convince her, but of course it does not help with this other woman emailing both of you
I urge you both not to read the emails when she sends them and just throw the in the trashbin on your computer because reading them will just be a step backwards in helping repair your marriage.
Anytime, is there anything else I can do to assist you?