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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Question. OKMH1114211

Resolved Question:

Dr Z my husband many times says very mean things to me especially when he feels cranky and tired. He takes it out on me like tonight I gave him his food and I didn't know how long to warm up a frozen meat and he told me something very mean. The other day he told me something else that got me very mad. He just hurts people's feelings as well as mine.I have told him about that and he doesn't want to change. I do pray to God to help him change.I don't like listening to mean words. Should I wear maybe headphones to not listen to him? If so how would we communicate? What do you suggest?

Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 11 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that your husband is saying these mean things to you.

Dr. Z :

I remember we talked about your husband doing this and being mean to you. If he is mean to you in this way than he is not respecting you and I urged you to try to get him to therapy, possibly couples therapy, because he has anger issues and does not show you the proper respect a husband should show

Dr. Z :

I also believe that your husband may have a disorder called Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) based on what we have talked about in the past; his controlling behavior, emotional/verbal abuse, believes he is better than others, his lack of empathy, etc...

Dr. Z :

Now individuals with this disorder do not typically get better without therapeutic help,so your husband may not get better and actually his behavior may get worse. I know you do not like the mean words that he says, but for this situation the headphones will not work, like it would in the store, because you live with this man and will have to communicate with him

Dr. Z :

I think that if he is not willing to try therapy, then he will not get better with time and I do not want to see you get hurt like this because you deserve much better than this. Him being mean to you is not your fault at all, this is his disorder. You are the victim here and I think that you should consider leaving and possibly divorcing your husband based on how he treats you.

Dr. Z :

You deserve to be treated with respect and care and your husband does not show that to you unfortunately

Dr. Z :

You cannot control his behavior, only he can be motivated to change and if he is unwilling to do that then he does not deserve to be with you.

Dr. Z :

I also want to recommend these books that give more insight on NPD as well that may help you

Dr. Z :

I see that you are offline right now, but when you get back online I would be very interested in continuing this discussion with you and talking about anything further you would like to share regarding your concern, so if you respond in the chat box I will be able to get back to you as soon as possible.

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5421
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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