Hi, Nithish! I'll be glad to help you with this issue.
The system says you're offline. Type in a hello to let me know you've joined the chat, okay?
Hi Nithish. I was just typing an answer for you because you hadn't responded. Let me paste in here into the chat what I've written so far:
I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a good person; you're conscientious, you're loyal, and you try to do the right thing. For the last 2 years you've been having trouble, though, following through on decisions and the situation is not getting better.
You've clearly been able to function well. You completed your schooling in the UK successfully. That is something I have to take into consideration in recommending a course of action for you.
Because it is unclear at this time if the problem is a psychiatric problem requiring medications or a psychological problem requiring therapy.
Thank you for answering.
Shall I keep going or do you want to type in some more?
Yeah i as successful in completing my schooling in the UK
Are you familiar with ADD, also known as ADHD?
Please on go. If you need more information or if it is unclear about my problem please ask me.
You see, right now we don't know if there is a psychiatric issue, such as ADHD. You are 24. ADHD can often show up between 18-22 years of age. Before then, you can overcome those "follow through" issues, then as the responsibilities increase,
is it attention deficit hyperactive disorder.. I just googled it . I dont know more about this.
it becomes harder to overcome them and there is more disorganization.
Yes, that is what ADHD stands for.
But Nithish, we are not sure if that is the problem or if there is something else going on.
Are you in or near a big city where there are exprienced psychiatrists?
I'm sorry: experienced
Any thing more you like to know about me so that it would be helpful to you in answering?
Yes i have many experienced psychiatrists in the city i live in
Nithish, the psychological possibility would be
that you feel some negativity inside toward being an engineer and doing what you need to be doing. Do you think that is the case?
I don't feel any negativity in being an Engineer but there is one reason which i think may be the reason and the reason is i m unemployed right now and i m looking for job.
And do you think that might be causing your lack of following through?
Do you think perhaps your mother is really noticing that you're worried and concerned about not having a job yet?
The market is also so bad that its quiet difficult to find a job
ya she is noticing it . My parents are very supportive they always try to keep me entertained so that i dont get depressed because of this.
So, you think it is your economic situation that is causing this behavior and lack of motivation on your part?
economic condition is not the reason too. But i have one concern that i should find a job before April 2014. I have kept that as a deadline because my father retires from his job in April
And are there steps that you can take to help make that happen? Or,
is it out of your control whether you find a job before then?
no one at home insisted me that i should find a job before that but its my own personal decision and i try to work towards it . I know i m capable of finding a job even now but this mood swinging tendency in me is stopping me from doing this.
Mood swinging could also be Bipolar Disorder (BD).
Again, I don't know if this is the case, but you might seek a psychiatrist to consult with. Would that be a good step for you to take?
I will give u a small example of what happens in my life in a day... i wake up around 8.30 in the morning sit in front of the newspaper and help my mom occasionally with her morning chores and i get ready to go to a class which i have enrolled for. Its software that i wanted to learn.
I enrolled in it on my own interest
but i m lazy on some days that i get ready but dont go there
i sit at home watch movies and while away my time
i know this is wrong and i m not supposed to do it but still i m doing it
What drives you to not go to class and watch movies instead?
What is your 'self talk'?
What are you saying to yourself when it's time to get ready for class and you choose not to go?
i feel lethargic
Planning even happens here .. i talk to my self saying ok i will watch this movie for say half an hour or 45 mins then i should go and attend the class but i end up staying at home for the whole day
and i lie to my parents that i attended the class
You are feeling lethargic and lack of motivation.
Is it perhaps important to say to yourself, "Even though I feel lethargic, I am going to go to class,
because I know this is what I REALLY want to do. And,
if I start to watch movies, I will not stop."
Do you need to say things like this to yourself?
thats the point where i forget to think about all these thing and get myself immersed into what i m doing
Do you need to put some reminders in your room, for example: to write down what I wrote above for you?
To write it for yourself and to have it there to remind you?
Do you think that strategies such as these would be powerful enough to help you overcome your lethargy?
For example, along with these reminders, you could watch motivational videos.
Would those help?
motivational videos dont help
i have tried
the moment i finish watching them i come back to square one
So then, do you think a combination of making reminders for yourself and setting an appointment with a psychiatrist for a consultation would be the best strategy?
i think making reminders will help
i dont know if i m right or wrong but i dont want my parenst to know that i going through such a thing in me.. so dont prefer consulting a psychiatrist here
thats y i came to lok for solutions online
Okay. So we'll start with reminders.
Another powerful tool might be to make affirmations for yourself as well as reminders.
You can look up that term on Google as well,
consulting with a psychiatrist is expensive which i cannot do it by myself without i need the help of my parents
but affirmations are more statements of why you should do what you want to be doing
Here's an example of an affirmation:
"I have a goal I believe in very, very much. With my whole being. That goal is
to take this class to improve my skills. So that
I will be able to find a job that I will want. And
this is meaningful to me and
something I want very much."
This was a long affirmation, but what do you think if you would write that affirmation out for yourself and look at it every morning and every evening? And then also
use your reminders?
i will start doing this
i will get back to you if i have any difficulties
or if this improves
Let me add one more affirmation I want you to write for yourself and to read every day:
is this chat open always or is there any specific time
"I want to succeed in finding a good job. That would be a positive outcome. To get a positive outcome I need to take positive actions. I want to take positive steps to get to my positive outcomes."
You can always post here or start a new question to me and just write "For Dr. Mark" and it will get to me when I come online.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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i m looking forward to get help from you
I will write to you on any changes or any shortcomings
Thank you Dr. Mark