My husband recently confessed to 3 "one night stands" with married women, (he's in appliance repair and was working in their homes.) According to him there was also a 4th woman who was also married but he says she wanted more than just fun, so he didn't have sex with her and ended it. (I found out about the last woman first.) This happened over 2 1/2 years ago over the course of about 3-5months. We have been together since we're 17 years old, we've been married 11 years but together for 21 years. We have two children ages 7 and 5. At the time I was still battling post partum depression but refused medication. I had lost my job 3 weeks before my son was born and we had just recently bought a house 11 months before. We were ok for about 2 years while I was still battling my depression. We had decided that I would just stay home with the kids, which is something I never wanted to do, but since the economy just tanked and I couldn't find anything else it made sense. I do admit that I was not listening to him. I was critical, judgmental, and ridiculed him in public, I was horrible. Before his indiscretions he was wonderful. We had mutual interests, we went on vacation, we had money saved, we we're always together. I knew that for every Birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day and Anniversary there would be a piece of jewelry waiting for me, even the day my kids were born. I had my Prince Charming for 18 years. Unfortunately my world would come crumbling down, our home was burglarized which hit him very hard, especially when the appointment to install ADT was a week later. (They found the thieves, but couldn't recover anything.) Fast forward a few months and we took our kids to Disney and practically fought the whole time, a month later we went to his cousin's wedding and for the first time in 19 years he didn't look at me with love and didn't say I looked beautiful. I knew something was up, but made an excuse that it was the stress
of having only one income and our savings is dwindling. Fast forward to last June, my husband tore his Achilles tendon and was out of work for almost 6 months. With him being the only breadwinner and no income besides temporary disability we are now going through foreclosure. While he was injured it seemed that we were connecting again, we had sex almost everyday and when he went back to work, his distance came back again. He blamed me for not going back to work, even though I looked for work, that's why we're in foreclosure. Even if I did
go to work who was going to take care of him and 2 small children during the summer when they're off of school. Two days before Christmas last year is when I found out about woman #4, all by accident. His Birthday is XXXXX December and he bought himself an iPad, while I was playing with it, he was on the phone with Apple to get some of his info from his old phone to his new upgraded phone he got through his job. Some of his messages and emails came through literally in my hand because we didn't know that the iMessage was on. Needless to say we've been battling this for a while. He's been telling me he's a monster and I don't deserve him, I only think I do. He says we should break up and we've been on this emotional roller coaster, one day he loves me and not the next. I just want it to stop because I love him very, very much. He even told me he didn't love me anymore and we separated for about 3 weeks over the summer only for him to ask me to come home. I figured we would work it out. We just recently celebrated out 11th Wedding Anniversary and we went to a marriage retreat. It opened the door to suspicion. Two days later I got my confirmation when he told me about his lack of self control. He assumed we would divorce and can't understand why I'm fighting for my marriage. He told me he can't live with the fact I won't be able to trust him and that we're prolonging divorce anyway. He opens his heart and the shuts it down and says he doesn't want to save our marriage. It's within the last 3 years or so that he just completely shut down. What should I do? I love him and want to be with him but he continues to hurt me with his insensitivity of how I'm dealing with this blow. Should I leave him or be there for him because he's also hurting? He says he can't handle the work to rebuild.