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Hello, how did it go yesterday?
hey man, appointment went well they change the tobramax to some seizure med valco something acid.
but things are Bad wiht us man
I bearly made it today to wrk
Why are they bad?
well.. here is the story.
yesterday I tool the her car to get a oil change and the dude was calling me by another name, so wen I wen to pay I say a name and last name. so it got me thinking.. so when I drop the car off to her, I asked her and she froze! she told me that was her ex and she did not had a idea she had taken the car for service before. so I left t as that... So I notice that the Flowers where not there, i asked abut them and she told me she trew them away cause they went bad... I say ok..
so we started talking and she got fuzzy, telling me that 80 % of the time I have the same conversation all over about her and not being expressive with me, and asking about the hedaches blabla bla// so I told her ok I wont ask..,
so I drove home and kept thinking about the service her car got done by the ex and when I looked at the dates from my txt she went to cali that weekedn and told me that the car was at the airport parking spot, when it crearaly the ex had the car and still talking to him while we where together//
so I went back to the her place to talk to her, it literaly took me 30 mins to get back, after she had told me she was going to bed due to her hedaches, and she was gone, she left. I remember seing a bag of clothes and a bag for the dog stuff. so I called her and txt her and nothing.. finally she answer, she told me she was home and actulaly had gone outside to look for smt I forgot at her car.
she lied. she was not home and I think she is seing some else man, also I think she spend the night with someone since she did not got back home last night.
when I asked her on the phone are you home she say yes. I asked her again and she hang up.
I txt her are you home? and that was basivally the end of the txt and calls. nothing today ither
very debastated right now Dr Z.
Well I understand how you are feeling, but you do not know if this was another guy at all. Think about it this way, if you did not get the ex-boyfriend in your head at the car repair shop, your mind/anxiety would not have been traveling down this path of her having an affair. You are trying to the connect these most likely unrelated dots because of your anxiety and insecurity
She could have went out with a friend, the store, etc...
She is an independent woman and she can go to other places
she had a hedache and wanted to rest, so her friends are more important them me.
she spend the night somewhere else man
How do you know she spent the night somewhere else?
midnight and she was not hm
also she lied to me about her car on that time being at the airport lot
Did you drive to her house to see that she was not home?
she goes to bed by 8-9 max
I was outside when I called and she told me she went outside her car and look inside the house for what I asked her to look for.Lights out and she never came out
and yes to above
So you have this "proof" why do you not break up with her then?
Man, Im going to and trust me that im crying telling you this right now
man to ma
why? Dr Z? what did I do?
now u put the dots togheter and tell me/...
no intimaci.. distant.. etc
I understand, I cannot say for certain what she is or is not doing because I am not a psychic, but it is obvious this is causing you a lot of stress and you do not deserve it. You did not do anything if this was true, this was her choice to be unfaithful and it has nothing to do with you, but her being selfish
I always put alot of effort in relationships, sometimes more then I should and see the positive not the negative and look.... same thing
remember I knock on her door saturday// she told me she was there.. she wasnt
Yeah, but remember you are only responsible for what you can control and that is only you. You are being a good guy and that is what you have control over, if she does not want to see that then it is her loss.
Again I do not know where she was on Saturday if she was home or not.
Because I am not a psychic, but chief goal was to help lessen your anxiety and insecurity, but this relationship is obviously causing you way too much stress and you deserve better
I talked to my pops last night..
And what did he say?
that the truth incomodated.. and thats why she act like that the night she came that she had gone out for drinks with "her friend"she will lie to me because she will not tell me the truth.. and to stop looking.. what is it that I want? find her in bed with someone? if I want that keep looking but its gonna be very painfull for me. or I can find her with some one and dont say anything to her, like seing her a a local place.another thing is that he suggested not to call her or txt her at all and that she know I caugh her on a lie, that why she wont reply or called me back. if she calls or txr do shrt txt and make her feel what i fell. she wants to meet up, tell her that im bz, she needs to feel taht shes loosing me.
I asked my dad we are both adult why can I just brake it off... and my dads words where thats like her thropy ..she acomplished what she wanted??I thnk he is trying to made me feel pride of my self
the thruths hurts he says// so leave it as that// no call no txr// betterfor you, less painful then digging into it because thats what she wants
That is good advice from your father, I think you should definitely follow it because as I mentioned you have been very focused on her, and you need to break free of that
This is why I suggested doing hobbies, not always having your phone with you accepting her texts, etc...
is it valid to do that? ignor her? after all are we are a couple but I feel not for long./. im confused.
shoould I just break it off? will she eventually asked me to talk?
Yes ignore her, you are upset with her. Let her come to you and if she really wants you, let her make the effort
You can break it off if you like, that gives you the lasting power and edge to show that she will not hurt you anymore
my dad was saying they might be a point if she is seing someone that she will be asking her self , this one or this one?
That is a possibility, but do you even want someone who is doing that...comparing you to someone else, and whos to say she would not do in the future
yea.. thats truth.. I will like to know what I did wrong on this relationship man, why? honestly everything points out she is seing someone else, do you agree???
or oviously avoiding me
why this behaviour from her part? why ?
Like I said I do not know what is going on with her, there are a lot of variables here. If you dig in and want to know the why, it may hurt you more though
You did not do anything wrong in the relationship, remember this was her choice
yes but... what variables are you talking about?
Well the variables are her headaches, work schedules, stress, issues with you, etc...there is a lot going on here and while the evidence is strong that she may be seeing someone else, so far it is circumstantial
so are you asking me to make sure she is seing someone before braking up?
Circumstantial means not direct evidence, but evidence that suggests something
I mean , she lied to me about being home when she was not
No, I think this woman is causing you a lot of stress and heart ache. And I trust your judgement too
Yes she has lied to you and I think you should ignore her and see how she reacts to that
and oviously lied to me about the car at the airpt parking when the ex had it, so she was still talking to the Ex or Boyfriend?
She may have still be talking to him, but that in itself is not wrong and many people talk to their exes and are still friends with their exes too, what is wrong is that she did not tell you
there so mutch.. everything is like in a bucket right now
dating profile, arriving hm late, ignoring me, no intimacy etc
u follow? what else do i want? what my father asked me if I want to find her in bed with someone else?
I think your father is right about this. I think breaking up with her is a good option for you, but if you want to see if she will make an effort to keep you, then you can try to do your father plan by ignoring her and distancing yourself from her
then what? confront her? play it cool?
Both plans have merits and both will help you
You do not have to confront at all if you do not want to. Play it cool and say that you are busy and then if you still do not feel like you trust her than break it off with her. You do not even have to give a reason
I think she is going to know something is up, specially since she stop the comunication last night when I asked her if she was home when she wasnt
she knows by now
Then that is fine if she suspects somethings, but you need to worry only about you. Concentrate on you and focus on how you can overcome this and the first step is distancing yourself from her
leave the psych part out.. man to man, do you think she is cheating?
I think she is lying to you, no intimacy, irritable, etc...and these lead me to believe she is cheating, but the medical issues with her headaches where she needs that strong medication (it is very strong by the way) gave the benefit of the doubt that she was not. But her not being home and all those other things can strongly indicate that unfortunately she is cheating
So yes I do think she is cheating on you, but I am still a tad hopeful that it is not true and that she is lying about something else
I dont see what else can she be lying about..
thanks for your honesty!
she is on the tobramax not switching to the acid one
I know, and I do not know either, but we have to be objective and say it is a possibility
She is not going to switch to Valoproic Acid?
she as not started that one yet
Yeah but if the doctor gave her that it is a strong medication. The Tobramax is strong, but not as strong as Valproic Acid
shes getting a bunch of test done too, eeg,visual labs etc
That is good for her
But right now lets just focus on you
why do woman react this way?I think she is lying to you, no intimacy, irritable, etc...and these lead me to believe she is cheating, but the medical issues with her headaches where she needs that strong medication (it is very strong by the way) gave the benefit of the doubt that she was not. But her not being home and all those other things can strongly indicate that unfortunately she is cheating
I guess my question is. what did I do to deserved this and why she has not ended it with me?
Some woman and men react this way. There are a lot of possibilities for acting this way, but mostly it is because they are being selfish
I do not know why she did this to you and did not break up with you, like I said it could be because she is selfish, but you did not deserve this
Yes selfish, only thinking about herself
Not considering your feelings
That is the definition of selfish
can you save the chat for later? I have a massive hedache, im seing my therapist thrusday and looking to take t-f off
Sure we can save this chat for later, I understand about having a headache. Why dont you rest and we can pick this up for later
wrk man.. but I need to
Dr Z I just want to make another coment before I go
Sure go for it
Thinking about her with someone else makes me wanna puke, is this normal?
being in bed with someone
doing the things we did
Yes this is normal, it is called a visceral reaction from anxiety/stress
Try not to think about it and obsess over that
ok, so you saving the chat for later?
Yeah just press save and exit, and then when you want to come back online type in the chat box and it will alert me that you are online
Anytime, talk to you soon :)
Hello again :)
How are you feeling now?
ho thanks! I was about to exit
very anxious man
I can imagine, you are going through a very stressful time right now
I really want to go and talk to her and probably end this
I feel I need to vomit what I have on my chest but dad does not agree
I skip class because I cant concentrate
Well ending the relationship will help ease your anxiety in the long-term, but it will hurt in the short term. Your dad's view is a compromise of ending and staying with her because it allows her to make the effort to be with you instead of you always making the effort
Anxiety can cause that lack of concentration, so I understand
My dad thinks is a waste of time.. he thinks she is gonna accused me of spying on her, stalking etc
my father thinks she will txt this evening,, but in the mean while I feel super stress.. like shaky status stress.. I keep thinking of her with some other dude, in bed and that makes me so sick
These obsessive thoughts you are having is definitely anxiety, but the more you think about them the more it will hurt you. You have to concentrate on something else and distract yourself because thinking about it will not change anything. Remember to focus on things you can control
that's the thing tho.. I don't want to go to bed because I wont be able to sleep at night if I nap now..
like, I really want to go see her and talk, but that will end the relationship.,
do you think Im a Love addict?
No I do not think you are a love addict at all. I think you were in love with someone that hurt you and this is causing you a mix of anxiety and depression right now, which is natural to go through
when I told dad I was anxious and stress he asked me, and how do you think she is feeling.. Frankly I don't know.. I don't even know if she cares, or what is she going to do.
I keep breathing deeply in
If she is cheating on you then most likely she does not care, but because she has kept you around and hid this from you she might be feeling some anxiety because you found out
what do you think she will do?
just wondering from ur experiences
I think your father is right that she will get defensive and start blaming you
theres so many un answer questions to me right now..
I know and you will not get all the answers either, but you will have to let go of her and move on and continue with your life
like why is she keeping me around
I cannot tell you that, only she can tell you that one.
and again we are thinking she is cheating... but everything points to that..
It is definitely suspect, I will agree there. It can be cheating or something else that we have not thought of, but either way she is lying and keeping things from you
the time she drove her friends car I question her and got uoset..So the next time she ask a girlfriend for the car because she knew I was gonna get upset she told me
but still.. she kept it from my that was in june man
I know, she keeps things from you and she does not communicate with you. This is an issue
I wonder what went wrong.. and when
You cannot blame yourself for her choices, and her lack of communication. You did everything you could on your end, most likely this is her issues
I also don't think it will be any good to call the Guy huh?
NO! Do not call the other guy, because you do not even know if that is the guy, you are just speculating
true.. but at least I can get a inside of her.. how she was.. she obiously was playing or playing both of us
It is possible, but you have to be concerned only with yourself right now
true... this morning I got up, vomit, laid on the floor, got on my kneews and when I was gonna pray and leave things in Gods hands because he knows why he is doing this, im the one that don't understand it.. It could not do it... it was though
I know right now it is very confusing and your anxiety is getting the better of you, but I think this girl you should let go for your own psychological well being
Do females, realized the damage they do? like in this case, does she know what she is doing to me? just wondering
in this case her
Men and Women do this by the way, so it is not gender specific and sometimes they realize what they are doing to the other person, but they do not care because they are selfish only considering their concerns
excuse my ignorance, but why your calling her selfshif
you did at the beginning of the chat when u explained to me selfish
Because she is not considering your feelings in this. If she was cheating on you, she knows that would hurt you, but she does not care. That is selfish
clear as water..
should I keep digging into this ? find out for sure? I asked you man to man, and without the psyc ball .. and you think so..
I guess im trying to think objectibly here too
No, I would not keep digging into this because she is just going to blame you and accuse you of stalking her or being insecure and then you will just feel bad
you think she will txt?
She probably will
But you will have to ignore it
I rather think she wont
She might not, but I thing she will. Either way, again you have to concentrate on you and healing from this
what can I do? besides stay busy?
I hate being here alone cause my mind races
Honestly this will take time and there is not quick fix to this. But here is a good book that can help you and put things in a positive perspective for you
not even hungry man
And you will feel like this for a few days too, but eventually you will get past this with time and continue moving in a positive direction
is that a cool book? sounds girly haha
It is really good, and I think you would like it a lot
I think it will help you
ok, im gonna call a few places now to see if they have it...Dr Z is it too mutch to ask to save this chat again? until what time are you gonna be here?
Sure, no problem we can continue to save this chat. I will be around all afternoon and night.
night as how late?man just read on the book "I try to call him but he didn respond to my txt or answer my calls"
Haha, I thought you would like it. I was holding it just in case you did break up with her, because I did not want to recommend it too early. Lets say the latest for me would be 11 tonight.
ok, im gonna look for the book then log in later tonight. feel a little better chating w u
I think the book is a good idea, and definitely come online when you are ready to chat again
well technically we haven't brake up.. but... will see what the week unfolds
I know, but I still think the book will help you
Man, this book is great! im on page 36 now, and I see where you agree with dad, the Author suggest similar things.
have u red it?
Yes I have read it and I liked it a lot
Glad you are enjoying it
im on chapter 2 the 7 excuses that will keep u stuck
I just read the no contact part, wich by the way there has not been no contact from my self or her
It is a very informative book and I think it will help you a lot
I like the part.. that talks about justification and finding answers to questions, just what we had talked before, and what my dad was saying... dont look for answers
im gonna asked my dad if he red that book haha
Haha, I am sure your dad did not read the book, but it is very helpful for you
Your father is a wise man and that is why I agreed with him on many of his points
So how are you feeling?
honeslty I caught my self on that question earlier, as I was reading my anxiety and stress decrease.. im continue to read and feel good. not saying I wont be the same way I was earlier tomrrow
I know, but that is why I recommended this book to help you and give you hope too
You will get past this and you will be stronger than before if you choose to break up with her, it is her loss too
just a sec
No prob, take your time
yes, I know.I was reflecting my self on what the author says, looking for questions, that really hit me.. also why stoping the comunication
I wanted to ask you, if she does not call or text? then dont call or txt I assume.. and I guess it will be over?
no merry x mas .. happy b days?
I would not call or text at all, not even for Christmas or Birthdays. Just break off all communication
You know its the right decision
is it mature tho? not breaking off like that?
My father keeps saying she will eventually tell me
and for me to say, "ok"
I think she will eventually tell you. The ball is in her court, but I do not think you should initiate conversation with her
my dad even notice I was being objective on this.. when I was thinking what if she has someone or what if im wrong, althoug everything is pointing that direction.. so he stop me there and say... dont look for any more answers
I agree, the objective evidence shows that she is lying definitely and most likely having a relationship with someone else
due to the lying or hidding somethig. wich.. really what can she be hidding? another dude
I agree, I think it is time to end this relationship and move on with your life and she obviously did not respect you
well Dr Z, im going to try to finish this chapter in both ways, chapter 2 and the chapter w this relationship.
thank you for your time, it been great honestly. Book its awesome.I see my therapist thurday at 2
Anytime, I am always here for you and I am truly sorry for how these events unfolded. I am glad that you like the book, I think it will be very informative for you. I wish you the best and I am always here for you when you need me
Thanks Man!God Bless you.
God Bless you as well :)