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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My husband and I have not had in a few years. I do have

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My husband and I have not had sex in a few years. I do have to admit I am to blame for part of that. Working, kids, house etc it was easy to just ignore. Probably a big mistake on my part. A few weeks ago I discovered a prescription for Viagra in his work draw. When I approached him about it and what was going on he simply said that while for a few years we have not had any sex he had developed (if you can say)an imaginery or in his mind a dominant female sex partner. He does prefer to be dominated. He feels that it has been such a long time since anything has happened between us that it is going to be difficult to start all over with me. In the meantime, he has used half a packed of the tablets!
Not sure what to do.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you and your husband are having these difficulties in your relationship, I can understand how that would be distressing to you

Dr. Z :

So I would like to make sure I am understanding this correctly, your husband used the Viagra to masturbate about this dominant sexual partner?

Customer:

Yes, I believe so

Dr. Z :

Okay, that is usually not what most men would use Viagra for, but to each his own. I can understand your concern and yes your husband does feel rejected so many times that it is hard for him to achieve a sexual arousal with you, but that does not mean it always has to be that way.

Dr. Z :

Have you two thought about possibly seeing a Sexual Therapist to help with this issue and reinvigorate that sexual passion you both once had?

Customer:

No I really do not think that would work. He wouldn't agree. He has said over and over that it will take time but I do not believe him. I think he is so entrenched with what he has developed that it's hard for him to switch off. That's were I feel the problem really is.

Dr. Z :

I can understand that, but if he does not try with you through sexual intercourse, foreplay, initmacy, and continues to revert to this behavior that he has been doing for years, as it appears, than he will continue to be addicted to this and will not go back to being sexually intimate with you. This is why I felt a therapist would benefit both of you

Dr. Z :

Because you cannot force the change in him, he must be motivated to change himself

Customer:

Well I will keep that in mind. Certainly, if I see no change in him towards me, then I will definitely mention it. Just wondering how long should I give him to try and make a turnaround.

Dr. Z :

Well it has been a few weeks already based on your question, so 4-6 more weeks then for him to at least be trying and making an effort to be intimate with you again. There is no easy fix here and this will take time, but you both can get there. Also because he is no stranger to medication, there is an antidepressant called Wellbutin that can actually increase his libido and may help him be more intimate with you too

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