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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi, Please note that it is the first time I use this service. My

Resolved Question:

Hi,

Please note that it is the first time I use this service.

My husband is 29 and very aggressive at times. He always been as far as I can remember. He was the kind of child which was more in the corridor than in class, even at elementary school. Principals, teachers and parents would complain about his behavior (not listening in class, disturbing, throwing objects - including chairs), etc. However, his parents never seek for assistance or help back then. I am afraid that he carries mental disorder and lot of frustration since his childhood.

He calls me names and swear at me over the most insignificant things every single day.
I have tried to convince him to get professional assistance but he refuse to.

What should I do in order to make sure he receive the help he needs (for my/his sake). I am afraid to start a family because of his instability.

Thank you in advance for your time.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly sad and serious situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe here is very serious, since it shows how your husband has developed chronic mental health disorders related to poor anger control, poor coping skills and lack of emotional stability from childhood, leading to these very abusive behaviors, which have now become domestic violence.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

As frustrating as it could sound, unhappily there is no way you could convince him to get the professional support he needs, unless he happens to be willing to fully acknowledge how dysfunctional and abusive are these behaviors, and takes full responsibility for them, committing to work on himself and his rehabilitation process with necessary psychological treatment.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You could continue to support him and his openness and willingness to look for necessary treatment by being truly honest, open, respectful, caring and loving, but not through any form of tolerance or enabling of these abusive behaviors, otherwise he would get even worse.

Customer:

Thank you for your advise.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Psychotherapy is the first and most necessary source of support, since he requires psychological treatment to work on himself to truly rehabilitate from these disorders. There are anger management programs that could help him too, but since these disorders appear to be much more than simple poor anger control, such programs could be very limited.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for replying

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

There are good books that could help him and you to cope with this situation and see how well your situation evolve. But again, it seems clear to me that psychotherapy is essential.

Customer:

Thank you for this confirmation. Much appreciated.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
Please consider these books on anger issues-management as a good source of information and guidance for your husband and for yourself:

1- Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life - By Les Carter
This book could help him start understanding why he feels and reacts the ways he does, and lead to his openness and willingness to consider an anger management program and to start his rehabilitation process with psychotherapy.

2- The Anger Workbook: A 13-Step Interactive Plan to Help You… - By Les Carter
It presents a step-by-step guidance on anger management.

I suggest you to consider individual counseling or psychotherapy for yourself, since this is a tough situation, and you need to take good care of yourself, otherwise your own mental and emotional and physical health could be seriously undermined, and as you said, it would be very risky and not wise to build a family while the roots of it were undermined by abuse and so much dysfunction, since children would become the helpless victims, and that is never good.

Please feel free to contact me to follow up of if you have any further questions since I am here willing to support you as possible.. Thanks.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you so much for these two titles and advises.


 


I really appreciate your recommendations, resources and professionalism.


 


 

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
You're very welcome. I am glad to know it's been helpful. Take gentle care.

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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
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MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach