Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that you are having this issue with your father, I can imagine how distressing this is for you
May I ask, has your father always had this level of aggression and anger? Or is this a more recent development in his behavior?
Yes to which question?
I asked if he has always been like this OR is this a more recent development in his behavior?
I am so sorry. Well you described your father as someone who is aggressive, tries to be in control, manipulative, charming, etc...All of these symptoms suggest that your father may have a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) which is very serious. Here is a link describing it more for you.
Unfortunately with this disorder it is very ingrained in him and most likely he will not respond well to treatment, even though he will never accept treatment either because in his mind everyone else is wrong but him.
Also he may get worse as he ages too, which is unfortunate for you and your mother
I know financially you cannot live on your own, but I would suggest leaving this toxic environment if you can
Well I can recommend some books that give you some insight on this disorder and some techniques to help interact with him, but truthfully this is like putting a bandaid and it will not solve your problem with him. The best solution is to leave unfortunately, which is not possible for you at this time because of your medical issues.
Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that. I meant medically, I am not sure why I wrote financially sorry about that. An assisted living home can be an option for you because I think leaving this toxic environment that your father instills is important to your psychological and physical health
Like I said individuals with this disorder do not usually get better on their own and actually do not respond well to treatment either
The only way he can send you to a mental health facility involuntarily is if you are a danger to yourself, a danger to others, or gravely disabled from a mental illness. Also you will have to be evaluated before that can happen and any evaluation will see that is not the case for you.
I am sorry that he has done this before, he should not have been allowed to do that to you
Does he leave the house during the day?
I am so sorry, then you are physically needing help, but not psychologically unbalanced at all.
Well if he ever leaves during the day at a regular schedule you can plan for the assisted living facility to pick you up during those times, so your father will never know until you are gone
If he does try to kill you though and has threatened, you can and should call the police on him. I am sorry that is very serious and you need protection
Is there anything else I can assist you with?
It is tough to say for certain, but they will take you seriously and they will remove you from that household as you are not safe there and may put you in a regular hospital and then you can coordinate with the hospital officials for care at an assisted living home
You are most welcome, and I truly hope you escape from this environment and you deserve better. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much