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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question
Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Help, please. My dad is trying to murder me by telling me

Customer Question

Help, please. My dad is trying to murder me by telling me to remove my oxygen and telling me that he is going to take away my nebulizer breathing treatments for asthma. He keeps raging at me and is really punitive and just downright terrible. He used to love me fiercely but he is terrible with me when I am sick. My mom is scared of him a lot but she would never ever admit it because she loves him. I love him, too. I am not well enough to be on my own without some help. I am a 43 year old woman. What can I do? I don't know how to tell the difference as to whether he might be using drugs or could he be bipolar? He's had these type of episodes in the past. I don't do anything wrong but I can't tell you how contorted his face gets when his anger unleashes. He says some really terrible things. How do I help him? Especially if I die from this problem. He is just really demoralizing and angry. He is a really big guy. He usually follows through with his threats. There is more to tell but maybe that's enough for now.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you are having this issue with your father, I can imagine how distressing this is for you

Dr. Z :

May I ask, has your father always had this level of aggression and anger? Or is this a more recent development in his behavior?

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Yes.
Dr. Z :

Yes to which question?

Dr. Z :

I asked if he has always been like this OR is this a more recent development in his behavior?

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Yes. My father has always had this anger and agression but as far as I am aware of it has just been a lot worse since I have been sick.
Dr. Z :

I am so sorry. Well you described your father as someone who is aggressive, tries to be in control, manipulative, charming, etc...All of these symptoms suggest that your father may have a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) which is very serious. Here is a link describing it more for you.

Dr. Z :

Unfortunately with this disorder it is very ingrained in him and most likely he will not respond well to treatment, even though he will never accept treatment either because in his mind everyone else is wrong but him.

Dr. Z :

Also he may get worse as he ages too, which is unfortunate for you and your mother

Dr. Z :

I know financially you cannot live on your own, but I would suggest leaving this toxic environment if you can

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Thank you. Unfortunately that does sound like him. Any recommendations?
Dr. Z :

Well I can recommend some books that give you some insight on this disorder and some techniques to help interact with him, but truthfully this is like putting a bandaid and it will not solve your problem with him. The best solution is to leave unfortunately, which is not possible for you at this time because of your medical issues.

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Financially I can afford to leave. I'm just not well enough to leave on my own. I was thinking about assisted living or a nursing home. I just had a heart attack.
Dr. Z :

Oh wow I am so sorry to hear about that. I meant medically, I am not sure why I wrote financially sorry about that. An assisted living home can be an option for you because I think leaving this toxic environment that your father instills is important to your psychological and physical health

Dr. Z :

Like I said individuals with this disorder do not usually get better on their own and actually do not respond well to treatment either

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Ok, ill try. What can I do if he tries to send me to the mental health facility instead of the nursing home.
JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : He's done this before with no provocation.
Dr. Z :

The only way he can send you to a mental health facility involuntarily is if you are a danger to yourself, a danger to others, or gravely disabled from a mental illness. Also you will have to be evaluated before that can happen and any evaluation will see that is not the case for you.

Dr. Z :

I am sorry that he has done this before, he should not have been allowed to do that to you

Dr. Z :

Does he leave the house during the day?

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : I am so physically sick in the past with a wheelchair that I do.t look that great and my dad railroads the doctors before they see me.
Dr. Z :

I am so sorry, then you are physically needing help, but not psychologically unbalanced at all.

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : They just do what he tells them to do.
JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : I feel pretty centered.
Dr. Z :

Well if he ever leaves during the day at a regular schedule you can plan for the assisted living facility to pick you up during those times, so your father will never know until you are gone

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : That's a good idea. I hope I have a chance to do that. I'll work on it tomorrow if he doesn't unplug my oxygen.
JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Thank you. You've been really good to me.
Dr. Z :

If he does try to kill you though and has threatened, you can and should call the police on him. I am sorry that is very serious and you need protection

Dr. Z :

Is there anything else I can assist you with?

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Do you think they'll believe me if they have me on record for having been to the mental health facility.
Dr. Z :

It is tough to say for certain, but they will take you seriously and they will remove you from that household as you are not safe there and may put you in a regular hospital and then you can coordinate with the hospital officials for care at an assisted living home

JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : Ok. Thank you again.
JACUSTOMER-c03rm7l4- : That's all then.
Dr. Z :

You are most welcome, and I truly hope you escape from this environment and you deserve better. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much