How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5457
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive been married 5 years, been together for 10 years in total.

Resolved Question:

I've been married 5 years, been together for 10 years in total. I do love my husband but it is as if he doesn't want me to be happy. he's always complaining about money and would talk to me in an insulting manner when we are in company even in front of his family. My question is do you think there is something we can do about this. He is not one to see a therapist. I feel like as if he is emotionally abusing me. We have 2 kids. a 4 year old daughter and a 3 year old son and I just feel that I don't want to bring them up making them think it is fine for a man to handle you the way he is treating me and with my son I cant handle the thought that this is the example that he is growing up to. I would hate myself if one day he is acting like this towards a lady. there's a million and one things still bothering. I'm always lonely. He's around me but barely speaks to me and I always feels like as if I'm irritating him.

Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your husband is emotionally abusing you, just as you said. Anyone who treats you in a way that it makes you feel bad or deprives you of what you deserve in a relationship is abusing you.

You have tried to communicate to your husband that he is hurting you, but it seems he is not listening. It is often the case with someone who is an abuser that they feel the victim of the abuse is at fault and that they themselves are doing nothing wrong. That is basically how they continue their behavior without noticing that it is hurting the other person.

You also mentioned being worried about your children, which is a very valid concern. Your children are going to see their father as their only example of how a father and husband acts. And if he is abusive, they could potentially pick up on that behavior.

At this point, if your husband refuses to listen to your concerns, there is not much you can do to change him. Many people try to change their spouse and end up even more hurt. It can be depressing and even frightening to try to cope with someone who is abusive and refuses to listen to you. And not letting you express your feelings or listening to you is a way to control you, which is part of abuse.

The first step in dealing with the situation is to suggest counseling. While it is unlikely he will agree, it is worth trying. If he won't go, go on your own. You need the support and to work out how you want to handle the situation.

You also may want to learn more about abuse in a relationship. Here are some resources to help:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel

Knowing when to leave may also help. If your husband becomes more abusive, you need to have a plan on how to get out if you need to. Talk with crisis counselors in your area for advice can help. You can contact them over the phone as well. Also, you can try to see if there are relatives and/or friends who understand your situation who can talk to your husband about his behavior. You can also try his doctor if he is willing to go. Tell the doctor what is going on before your husband sees him/her. Also, if he will not listen to you, he may listen to others.

Try to get out of the home as much as possible and bring your children with you. Show them other examples of marriages and relationships that they can learn from. And if you feel they need counseling, get them appointments as soon as possible. Therapy as well as you talking with them, letting them express their feelings, can help them understand that there are other ways to handle your feelings other than what their father is doing with you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate












May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5457
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

Thank you so much I am definitely
going to look into a solution for this or at least empowering myself with helpful resources.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
You're welcome! You are not in an easy situation. Unless your husband is willing to change, it is important to take care of yourself and your children first. You deserve it.

Kate











Please do not forget to rate my service with an OK or higher. Thank you so much!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education