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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4759
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My ex boyfriend of four years has left me for a much younger

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My ex boyfriend of four years has left me for a much younger woman. He is 60, I am 57 and I would say the younger woman is 20 to 25 years younger than he is. I was quite devastated. There has been a barrage of emails back and forth. As you may imagine, my emails went through various phases of emotions. I admitted we both were at fault. He also agreed he needed psychiatric help but refused to do so. I visited my brother in another state and asked my ex to clear out his belongings while I was away. He started emailing me accusing that some of his stuff had been stolen by someone with a key. The only people with a key are myself, him, and my two daughters. My one daughter is a RN and lives 2 hours away. My other daughter has her hands full with her young children. Anyway, he emailed me sometime later and said he found the missing items. I could see a nightmare in the making so I told him to not come on my property until I got back. The emails have been quite heated. He has been taking care of his elderly parents (I also helped, but since the breakup I have not gone over there). My ex's sister told me her father cried when he found out we were no longer a couple. He thought I was the perfect person for his son. For the most part, we had always gotten along. He is a musician and the young woman is a groupie and so a romance started. He has been married 3x and cheated on everyone of his wives. His mother is in the hospital. My ex claims she has dementia (which is possible) but the hospital staff said there is nothing wrong with her. They ended moving her to a nursing home because she doesn't want to do for herself ex eating. She wants others to feed her. He has made comments to his sister in front of his 11 year old nephew that he wanted to put a pillow over his mother's face and kill her. He also told his father and sister that when his mother died he was going to toss her ashes in an outhouse in a National Forest. He has also told his sister that it would be so easy to gradually kill both his parents by lacing their food with hemlock. As long as I have known him, he has felt this way about his parents. He has told me the same things as I just mentioned. He also has told me as well as his sister the perfect murder would be to hit his mother over the head with a shovel while she slept and place it next to his father's bed so when his dad woke up he would pick up the shovel. His fingerprints would be on the shovel and then his father would go to prison for murder. Because we seem to be at each other's throats and I am fully aware of this dark side to him I was concerned. I told him I made copies of the email that details this obsession he has and have given it to various people and in the event something happens that the incident may be a result of foul play.
I had seen a psychiatrist for a while due to unethical and illegal practices at my place of employment of 26 years. He had me disabled for about 9 months and I decided to retire. I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety due to the work environment. I was weaned off the meds and had not seen the dr for a year, but went back on Sertraline because issues surrounding my relationship with my boyfriend. He pops pain medication like candy and would sleep 15 hours a day. It was extremely depressing. I started drinking while playing computer games. I never went out to clubs or anything like that. Anyway, now my ex said he is going to send my psychiatrist copies of all the emails that he received, but doesn't mention sending the ones I received that he sent. He also said he was going to tell the dr that there are guns in the house and that he showed me how to use them. Ok, one time we went target shooting. He loaded the gun and I shot it. I have no idea how to operate the gun in any way and I have not threatened him. He has copied emails to his daughter. Do I need to be concerned about this? What about patient/dr confidentiality? I have never attempted suicide or even considered it.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

Please give me a couple minutes to read over your entire question, so that I can assist you better

Dr. Z :

Wow I am so sorry that you are going through these issues with your ex-boyfriend, I can understand why you would be distressed.

Dr. Z :

Most likely you have nothing to be concerned about regarding if he sends the emails to your psychiatrist as your psychiatrist is privy to the bad break-up between you and this man. The Doctor/Patient Confidentiality means that your psychiatrist cannot reveal information about you to your ex-boyfriend, but your psychiatrist can listen to what you ex-boyfriend states. Now a psychiatrist can break the confidentiality if he/she feels that you are a danger to yourself or others, where they will call the authorities, but even if that happens, I doubt anything serious will happen to you

Dr. Z :

Most likely your psychiatrist will talk to you about it, knows your history, and then will just ignore your ex-boyfriends emails as your psychiatrist adequately addressed the issue with you.

Customer:

Ok, thanks so much. Do you think it would be ok if I tell my ex to please send his emails to me to the dr as well?

Dr. Z :

You can if you like, just so you can be positive that he sent the emails to your psychiatrist, but also you can mention it to your psychiatrist before and just mention that your ex-boyfriend is being vindictive and that will steal your ex-boyfriends thunder and further protect you

Customer:

Ok thanks so much!!

Dr. Z :

Anytime, is there anything else I can assist you with?

Customer:

No, you've been great! Thanks again

Dr. Z :

Well I wish you the best of luck with everything. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much

Customer:

Absolutely! Excellent Service. Will rate right now!!

Dr. Z :

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX appreciate it :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4759
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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