I have been dating a man who has two sons for almost three years now. The sons live with him as their mother ran off and didn't care for them for a while. Now they visit her for about four days a month. She's just had another baby as well.
I was never over the moon about the father and I's relationship. I held off moving in together for that reason. Now I have made up my mind (it wasn't just me being fickle. It has a lot to do with his dishonesty and his ex and the sad
connections I've been made to see between those two things.) In any case I have moved from RI to NYC to live with my sister for a few months. I quit my job and signed up for a class and it was just to get away and stop thinking about 'us' and our problems. Now I see I cannot continue with him.
However his two children I miss, and I know they miss me. Their father tries but he isn't the most affectionate person. I gave them that and I loved them. The father has told the 12 year old boy- something, I'm not sure what. The 7 year old one he has avoided saying anything to. They've already been traumatized by their dad and mom fighting terribly in front of them. Their father never speaks badly about their mom, but she has definitely talked badly about him, and me, and even once got them both to say that he "abused" them after they were at her house for a long weekend. Later they cried and said they didn't know why they said that.
The kids met my family and felt, I think, a reality that was calm and pleasant with me, one they hadn't known before. Their mother lives with her new boyfriend, who is an alcoholic and mean. That is her new baby's father.
What can I do for these children? I'm not even sure I will move back to the area I used to live. What is the best way for them to hear the news, and what kind of contact can I offer?