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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4437
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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i have issues talking to women I am extremely shy around women

Customer Question

i have issues talking to women I am extremely shy around women and I can never seem to connect with them therefore I am never able to sexually escalate with them, any advice
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 8 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Helo

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you have been experiencing this level of anxiety talking to women, I can understand how that can be distressing for you.

Dr. Z :

You mentioned that you tried Exposure Therapy, was this with a therapist or by yourself?

Customer :

by myself

Dr. Z :

Okay, well sometimes Exposure Therapy by yourself is not the most effective and usually requires a therapist to help you through it, so I would recommend seeing a therapist. But I can show you some good techniques to help you with your anxiety if you would like

Customer :

sure that would be very helpful

Dr. Z :

Okay well the best and most evidence based therapy for anxiety issues similar to this is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.

Dr. Z :

So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

Dr. Z :

In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen anxiety symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.

Dr. Z :

Also individuals with severe anxiety have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.

Dr. Z :

Individuals with this type of anxiety also may have low self-confidence, so this technique will help you replace any self-critical thoughts that you may have with more positive self-beliefs.

Dr. Z :

In addition, these books can be very helpful too

Dr. Z :

Also there are some good natural supplements that can help lower your anxiety as well when talking to women

Dr. Z :

These are Valerian Root, Omega-3, Passion Flower, KAVA, and Magnesium supplements.

Customer :

how successful is CBT

Dr. Z :

It is very successful and Exposure Therapy is actually a subtype of CBT too. CBT is the most effective therapy modality to date for this type of anxiety that you are experiencing, but it is a gradual process and takes time to be effective like most therapies.

Dr. Z :

Are you still there?

Dr. Z :

I see that you are offline right now, but when you get back online I would be very interested in continuing this discussion with you and talking about anything further you would like to share regarding your concern, so if you respond in the chat box I will be able to get back to you as soon as possible.

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