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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4298
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Anxious & Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious & Peru
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 8 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

How are things going?

Dr. Z :

Oh and how was your session yesterday?

Customer:

Hi Dr Z
I did not see him , He was out of town But he told me if I needed him to shoot him a email and he will see me.

Customer:

things I will say...ok

Customer:

heres is my problem..

Customer:

the other night we where supposed to have dinner and we did not. I called her, text her and nothing, so ofcourse my mind was racing bad.. so, she called me and I missed the called, I called back and she literary sounded Drunk, she told me to wait until 30 mins or so, or go to see her the following day. she had a bad hedache.

Customer:

so I go see her, and she has this massive hedache and not drunk like I initially though

Dr. Z :

She could have been disoriented from the migraine

Customer:

she told me she was in pjs and did not wanted to change and go out .. so we orde food, and stayed there. I was telling her, I know how you feel and we dont neeed to go anywhere, we can order food. and we did.

Customer:

still DrZ we havent kissed "passionate" just "little kiss good byes" so we are both in bed and I almost feel she does not want to be near me, in away..

Dr. Z :

That is a good compromise

Dr. Z :

I am sorry you feel that way, but remember this is her medical issues that are pushing you away not her personally doing that

Customer:

When we were in bed I asked her about taking a trip since the other one was cancell, and her response was Yes, but she does not know her schedule yet. but yes she will like that

Customer:

Also, she seem exited by txt when I told her I was going to her appointment @ the neuro w her she repply a :)

Customer:

she just takes a Hek of a long time to answer my txt or answer the phone, sometimes not even answer the phone and that is when my mind starts to RACE

Dr. Z :

These are great things, I am very happy for both of you

Dr. Z :

Well she does other things, some woman get distracted easily and do not answer a text right away

Customer:

..ok

Customer:

is this my insecurity and trust kicking in?

Customer:

she text every mornign when she leaves to work and when she gets there too..

Dr. Z :

That would be accurate, but things are getting better for you and her. She wants to be with you by having dinner with you, she texts you, and she wants to go on a trip with you...these are positive signs :)

Customer:

I dont know if my mind sees that ..why is that?

Customer:

Focusing on the negative things?

Customer:

she told me "I dont think you cant handle me, meaning her stress, anxiety and hedaches"

Customer:

that I dont understand... that I say I do but then I dont..

Dr. Z :

She is trying to push you away because she feels guilty about all her issues and wants reassurance that you will still be with her no matter what

Customer:

Caxn she be pushing me away for other Issues then that?

Customer:

I called her twice and no answer.. she might be bz or distracted..

Customer:

It takes like sometimes 2 hrs for her to answer

Customer:

a txt

Dr. Z :

No I do not think she is pushing you away for other reasons because he behavior is that she wants to be with you and only you

Customer:

what makes you say that, what do you see that I dont.. :)

Dr. Z :

Well the trip idea, the texts, the compromise of having dinner at home, these are positive signs

Customer:

I feel like the Marlyn monroe Quote " But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Customer:

it almost seems to me I have tobe pulling teeth for her to do this things tho.. thats how I feel.

Dr. Z :

Well again we decided that you had to put in a little more effort until her medical issues get addressed and hopefully treated well

Customer:

is like right now, I want to text her, Did you see that I called you twice??

Dr. Z :

Do not text her!!

Customer:

lol

Customer:

ok DAD

Dr. Z :

You called, she will see it and then text you back

Dr. Z :

Great I am father now, lol

Dr. Z :

If you seem to pushy and obsessive, it will push her away from you

Customer:

she txt and says she luvs me too.. I thinkg things are going in the possitive direction too.

Dr. Z :

Yes they are very positive

Customer:

so I dont want to be Klingy or anything, so I need your suggestion, Aniversary is coming, I got a Card and Roses, I want write her a letter on how I feel for her, care etc.. is that too mutch, just thinking about it makes my eyes watery

Dr. Z :

What anniversary is it, how long have you two been together?

Customer:

months

Customer:

8

Customer:

remember she is traditional

Customer:

I feel shes ignoring me when she does not answer me of calls me back dude WTH

Dr. Z :

No she is not ignoring you, if she was ignoring you she would never call you at all. She is just one of those people that may not text back right away and also her headaches are an issue for her too. For 8 months the card, roses and the letter telling you how you feel is good

Customer:

she told me the other day Sry I dint not hear the phone and the other day she was taking a shower

Customer:

is the Letter to over board? because I think I will read it and Cry man, Im being 100% honest, just by thinking about it makes a notch on my troath

Dr. Z :

Remember try not thing negatively by this one thing that bothers you instead focus on the other positive things

Customer:

I dont think no one has challenges me has she has.

Dr. Z :

Well the crying can mean it is very meaningful your words, but I cannot judge letter without reading it myself.

Customer:

dude.. no intimacy yet... Im tired of thinking of grandma and basseball

Customer:

and im not starting to think about grandpa and socer now..

Dr. Z :

I know, but at least wait until the neurologist appointment and then you will have to wait longer until whatever treatment is proscribed for her

Dr. Z :

You are going to have to think about grandma a lot for a little while longer...sorry :(

Customer:

fudge..

Dr. Z :

I know it is not fun for you...literally

Customer:

Do you think me asking her where does she thinks this is going is a appropiate question?

Customer:

considering what we had been true

Dr. Z :

I would not ask that question because you asked a similar question like that a couple weeks ago

Customer:

the one that was.. are we ok?

Customer:

?

Dr. Z :

Yeah, where you both said that you went through a rough patch but are doing better now

Dr. Z :

The conversation was on those lines

Dr. Z :

So you asking again just shows her that you are insecure and this will push her away

Customer:

im trying to coupe with her, what else can I do?

Dr. Z :

Keep viewing things objectively and do not focus on the text message issue

Customer:

MI being the Understanding boyfriend? also Dr Z what do you think shes looking for? comprehension? understanding?

Customer:

someone just to txt whenever she wants to?

Customer:

what does this type of women want?

Customer:

Support?

Dr. Z :

That is a big question and since I have never met her I do not know, but what I do know is that she wants you. She does not want to be the center of your world and wants you to have other interests too. She would like support from you of course, but most of all she likes you being there and being her boyfriend.

Dr. Z :

As for how she specifically feels, I know she probably loves you, but where the relationship is going is anyone's guess, that is the great thing about relationships they are unpredictable.

Customer:

well, yuo havent met me ither, but yuo have a idea about me is that right?

Dr. Z :

Yes but for you I have conversations with, I have never had a conversation with her

Dr. Z :

and you specifically tell me how you feel about her.

Customer:

that is the thing, she does not spill the beans like I do!

Dr. Z :

And that is probably her way, that is her personality

Customer:

that.. she could be lying to me? and tell me what I want to hear?

Dr. Z :

No, I do not think she is lying at all and no I am not telling you what you want to hear or I would have told you to go to her house at night, but I told you no!

Dr. Z :

I am just saying she may not be very expressive with her feelings

Customer:

lol I ment her ! shes telling mewhat I want to hear

Customer:

lol

Customer:

gotcha!

Dr. Z :

Oh I see, my mistake. No I do not think she is telling what you want to hear either

Customer:

we where also gonna go to church sunday but she had a rough night and we did not go.

Dr. Z :

Her medical issues are the chief problem with her right now and once those are resolved, I imagine you will see a great change in her behavior for the better

Customer:

I will be patient, you know why??

Customer:

Because I truly care and love her.
I hope is not the Dopamine speaking for me right now\

Dr. Z :

Haha, I know you care and love her and that is why you will be patient for her

Customer:

alright
thanks for your time, as always!
God bless you.

Customer:

Do you think If I express my self to her how dificult it has been to me to coupe with her ahas been but that I care and love her is overboard?

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am happy that things are looking positive for you and your girlfriend, I wish you all the best and feel free to contact me anytime :) God Bless to you as well!

Dr. Z :

Yeah I would not do that because she may take it that you are blaming her for her headaches, so she could take it the wrong way. Just say that you support her no matter what and that you are there for her

Customer:

ok.

Customer:

thanks

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4298
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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