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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have been married for 1 year and 2 months. We dated and

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I have been married for 1 year and 2 months. We dated and lived together for about 1 year prior to getting married. Problem is..I have never met his family (parents, grown adult children) and they live within 1 hour or less of driving time. My husband has seen them during this time but usually when I am out of town or working. I have asked numerous times to meet them and he says I will, 2+ years later I am still waiting. He says he has to work things out. Not sure what that is. He was divorced for 5 years before we starting dating. Is not meeting his family too much to ask? I'm getting tired of waiting and since everything else in our marriage is not perfect, I am ready to bail out.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry for this situation, I can understand why this would distress you because it is normal for you to meet your husband's family before and after marriage

Dr. Z :

So your request to see his family is not unreasonable at all

Dr. Z :

It sounds like he is hiding something from his family about you or maybe he is hiding something from you about them, or both.

Customer:

I am very frustrated with this. I am very close to my family and he has met everyone he can on my side. My mom has even asked him what's up but he just says I know, I know.

Customer:

I feel like that is the reason. But not sure.

Dr. Z :

Well there is definitely something he is hiding and it can be small or big, I cannot be certain, but it must be something of concern to him

Customer:

What else can I do?

Dr. Z :

Well I think your requests are justified and I think you should start to be more forceful and demanding with these requests or you can try to go to couples therapy to help him see reason from an objective viewpoint on why this behavior is not typical

Dr. Z :

Another option you can do, but it should be a last resort is hire a private investigator possibly if you feel that your husband is hiding something from you. I know some couples that have done this before, but I recommend it only as a last resort

Customer:

I have been very demanding but it doesn't help. He isn't up to counseling at all. I really don't think he is cheating (I know, the spouse is always the last to know) so I don't think a private investigator is necessary. All I have left is the ultimatum meet your family or a divorce.

Dr. Z :

I cannot be certain if he is cheating or not, it does not seem likely, I agree, but it is a possibility. The ultimatum can be something you can propose to him since you have been so demanding and he has not given you a good reason for not meeting his family

Customer:

Thanks. You didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. But thanks for getting back to me so quickly.

Dr. Z :

Well I did reassure you that his behavior is odd and not typical of a husband. Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Customer:

No. Thanks again.

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