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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5411
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My 25 year old daughter has finally issued a no contact request

Resolved Question:

My 25 year old daughter has finally issued a no contact request to her 46 year old N after one and a half years of insanity. The sick games started about 5 weeks after they met, he told her he was dying of cancer. She was devastated and begged to stay in his life, which is the reaction he wanted obviously, but in the end, he was begging to keep her in his life. He didn't honour the no contact request which was issued 10 days ago, but after 3 emails from me, he has finally stopped (today is day 5). In my quest to help her I was finally able to locate and chat with his last ex. I am horrified. He has been stalking her, watching her at work, etc, the whole time my daughter thought she was with the man of her dreams. My question is: if he is relentlessly still pursuing his ex, will he start stalking and pursuing my daughter. In other words, once a stalker always a stalker? I didn't see this coming. He is a captain at the local firehall, very prestigious position in our town.
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 11 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

Give me a couple minutes to read over your question more carefully so that I can assist you better

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry about this situation with your daughter, I can understand how this would distress you

Dr. Z :

As a Forensic Psychologists, I have studied stalking to a great degree and yes once someone has shown a propensity for stalking in the past, then there is a higher likelihood that he would again

Dr. Z :

This is due to possessiveness, jealousy, and low self-esteem from the individual who initiates the stalking

Customer:

Yes he is possessive and jealous. She inflicted quite a narcissistic injury to him by not responding to his texts anymore. He has always been able to weasel back into her life, but she is determined it will never happen again. Once this sinks in, there is no telling how he will react.

Dr. Z :

Stalking was deemed a crime in the early 90's after the incident with actress Rebecca Schaeffer and since then there numerous anti-stalking laws on the books, unbelievable there were none before this, so if you or your daughter see this man stalking her at all or parked in front of her house, work, or any where else near her, she can call the police and they will charge him with stalking

Dr. Z :

I agree that individuals with narcissistic tendencies and who have stalked in the past can be unpredictable and she should do everything she can to protect herself and not let this man in her life again.

Customer:

She knows this and agrees, he is a master at manipulation. He is the most charming person I have

Customer:

ever met.

Customer:

All part of his success as an N

Dr. Z :

Because this man was rejected, and if he does stalk your daughter, he may seek retaliation or vengeance, so this is why if you or your daughter notice him stalking to call the police immediately

Customer:

Great job, good looking, charming, so easy to talk to. I feel for all his victims past present and future

Dr. Z :

I agree this man most likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) based on how you described him

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that this man "weaseld" his way into your daughter's life, but she did the right thing about the no-contact order and escaping from him

Dr. Z :

Here is a good book that you and your daughter can read. It describes how to protect yourself while divorcing someone with NPD, so this is a similar situation and I think it will provide good advice involving your daughter and this man

Customer:

I went to a psychiatrist in February and she called him a sociopath, but I think the title of N is just as accurate. Yes, my daughter fought to stay in his life for the first half of the relationship, but for the last 9 - 10 months has been fighting to escape the madness. She is normally a very strong person, no one can believe she was duped by such a sick twisted individual.

Customer:

I will look into purchasing that book. Thank you.

Dr. Z :

He may be a Psychopath/Sociopath, but that is a very severe person with severe traits of NPD and Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and requires an evaluation by a trained psychologists, still he may be that.

Dr. Z :

It is okay, NPD individuals are very manipulative and anyone, even trained mental health professionals can fall for their charm

Dr. Z :

So even though she fell for his charm, the important thing is that she left and escaped.

Customer:

It took every ounce of strength for her to do it, in the process she drained all my strength too, but well worth it is she can move on and leave this mess behind her. The fact that he said he was dying was what threw her into the pit of despair

Customer:

He hates me, so her and I will both watch for him and document any strange goings on.

Dr. Z :

Individuals with NPD will lie as well to get what they want, so most likely you are right that he just said this to keep her in his life

Dr. Z :

Good, be mindful of the situation and just notice if you see him around or his car around and then report it to the police.

Customer:

he looks as healthy as the first day she met him, he said he had stomache, intestinal and colon cancer. He didn't receive any treatments the whole time. He went to Mexico 4 times and wouldn't take her, one excuse was that he was going to investigate alternative medicine in Mexico, but he obviously was partaking of the party situation in mexico and had his share of women there. a sick individual. Thanks.

Dr. Z :

Yes he is a very sick individual and it is good that he is out of your daughter's life

Dr. Z :

Is there anything else I can assist you with today regarding this situation?

Customer:

No thanks.

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5411
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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