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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4414
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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hi

Resolved Question:

hi
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 8 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

Thank you for requesting me, how can I help you?

Customer:

hi,how are u?

Dr. Z :

I am doing well, and how are you doing?

Customer:

im good,thank you

Dr. Z :

How can I help you?

Customer:

well,im a very anxious person,so every single problem I would look at it as very bad.right now I go to school and most of work is online,sometimes it feels like I cant focus.some people suggested me to forget abt my problems during the time i am doing an assignment but can't help and overthink about the problem instead of school ..

Dr. Z :

I understand, anxiety can definitely cause these issues, may I ask for how long have you had these anxiety related issues and have you ever sought treatment before in the past?

Customer:

since I was a little girl,I always worry for nothing...but I've had anxiety since a year and a half now,actually I have social anxiety

Dr. Z :

Well there is a great treatment for anxiety and social anxiety, it is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is the most evidence based treatment modality for this issue. CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.

Dr. Z :

I can recommend some good techniques, book, natural supplements, and even medications for you if you wish

Customer:

yeah,actually we talked on the chat this week

Customer:

I looked at the articles you sent me,it helped

Customer:

thank u

Dr. Z :

We did, I am not seeing your history come up on the computer, it must be a glitch with the system, but I am glad that I was able to help you before with those treatment methods.

Dr. Z :

So what would you like to talk about now that is effecting you?

Dr. Z :

Yes now I am seeing the history, you were in a relationship with the man that hurt you by putting those pictures on the facebook and not taking them down

Customer:

I noticed that whenever I am dealing with something that bothers me,I overthink instead of focusing on more important things ,I change my mind all the time about the solution

Customer:

lol yes,its me

Dr. Z :

The overthinking is a part of anxiety and is similar to "obsessing" over something. This is called a maladaptive coping mechanism where you do this try to help you, but in fact it makes your anxiety worse unfortunately

Dr. Z :

The CBT techniques is a gradual approach and will help, but it takes at least 2-3 months to see the benefits and then another 9-12 for the maximum benefits, but since it has been working so far for means you will get there

Customer:

yes and I did also the EFT for being more confident,then I noticed that I was not that anxious

Customer:

I can see that anxiety and lack of confidence are related

Customer:

but the thing is,I obsess so much over little things that I dont feel like im 22 anymore

Customer:

im great at advicing people but fnot for myself,I feel weak to be honest

Customer:

advising

Dr. Z :

You are not weak at all, anxiety is a terrible issue and it will take time to overcome, and you are doing the right things by using the EFT and CBT techniques to help you get there. The overthinking will cause a great deal of stress and that is why you do not feel like you are 22 anymore.

Customer:

actually I am not weak for trying to find a solution and heal but as an individual I feel very weak,its like deep inside of me I know if something is good or bad for me but I ignore it

Customer:

then I overthink and its kind of pathetic because theres more important things to think about in life

Dr. Z :

I understand how you feel, but this treatment does take time and you cannot expect fast results

Dr. Z :

The overthinking will lessen once your anxiety lessens, its like dominoes, when one piece falls down the others will fall down too

Customer:

yes and also I think being in a relationshiep doesnt help sometimes for anxiety since we think a lot

Customer:

I should have waited to not have an anxiety to be with someone but it doesnt work like that..

Dr. Z :

Well, but if you told him about your anxiety, may be he can be a support for you

Customer:

yes I know but at the same time,I dont know why i dont like to tell this to people,I feel even more weak..

Dr. Z :

I can see how you would think that, but that is not the case. This is a man who you care about and who cares about you and would want to help you through this

Customer:

yes but I told him before about the fact that I am shy,me I dont see it as a bad thing at all...he always told me oh you dont want to do that because you are shy (not in a mean way tho) ,I feel like some people think its bad to be shy,but sometimes we cant control it,they think shy people are not confident ,sometimes it has nothing to do with that,its just their nature...

Dr. Z :

No some people are more introvert and some are extrovert, shyness can be a normal for you, but I think it causes you anxiety sometimes though and that is what we are working on to help lessen

Customer:

the only good thing,is that I accept my shell because I tried a lot of times to not be shy anymore,it got better but not being shy at all is impossible for me,I think the most important is that even being shy I can still communicate with people

Dr. Z :

Well you should accept yourself and be yourself too, there is nothing wrong with being shy. I am glad that you have accepted who you are

Customer:

I had no choice lol

Dr. Z :

Some people do not accept who they are and it causes greater mental health issues, so that is a big accomplishment that you have accepted who you are.

Customer:

yes ,and im surprised some adults dont act like themselves

Customer:

because at the end we dont feel happy

Customer:

which kind of greater mental issues could a person have because of that?

Customer:

insecurities?

Dr. Z :

Well depression and anxiety are common ones, but to a greater degree, so usually more severe. Some people even have suicidal ideations when they cannot accept who they are

Customer:

wow I 've never heard about that

Customer:

I have a question

Dr. Z :

Sure go for it, you can ask anything you like

Customer:

I noticed some people,even tho they have million of problems,they know how to let it go during their work

Customer:

I mean how can you study without thinking about the problems?

Customer:

for me that was always very hard to do

Dr. Z :

Well these other people do not have anxiety issues like you and that is why this is considered a mental health disorder and why you are seeking treatment for it. Many individuals can go through a lot of stress and not get an anxiety disorder, this is called resilience.

Customer:

I feel like im in circle,and I feel stupid all the time

Customer:

the worst thing I have scholarshiep,I can only get A or B thats it

Dr. Z :

Well that is good that you are getting good grades, but you are not stupid and you are not going in circles anymore, you have to be patient with your treatment

Dr. Z :

Are you taking any medications at all?

Customer:

no im scared to be addicted to it...

Customer:

im getting ok grades,my scholarhispe requires just A abd B's

Dr. Z :

The SSRI antidepressants, I would recommend Lexapro as this is very effective, fast acting, and also has the least amount of side effects. They are not addictive medications though

Customer:

do they sell them at cvs?

Dr. Z :

Well you would have to get a prescription from a medical doctor though for them, but I can recommend natural supplements that they sell at CVS for you

Customer:

ok,please...

Dr. Z :

Sure, the best would be St. Johns Wort, Omega-3, Glutamate, and also KAVA.

Dr. Z :

All of these are proven to have anti-anxiety effects, but not as strong as the prescription medications

Dr. Z :

Are your still there?

Customer:

ok thank you

Customer:

yes sorry

Dr. Z :

Its okay, sometimes the chat locks up and I did not want that to happen here too

Dr. Z :

You have to be patient with these techniques and let them sink in for them to be effective, but once they do your anxiety will lessen greatly

Customer:

yes I really hope one day it will go away

Customer:

I am willing to work on myself

Customer:

but things keep happening to me and that doesnt help..

Dr. Z :

I know and one day it definitely will, but there are no quick fixes to this treatment. The good news is that you are motivated to get better and that is your strongest weapon against this anxiety

Customer:

yes,actually I didnt tell anyone

Customer:

people dont know in general because I hide it

Dr. Z :

Things will happen over the course of your treatment, but the more you use the techniques the more those things will not bother you and the less anxiety you will feel.

Dr. Z :

It is okay to hide it, but I would recommend telling someone close to you to be your support

Customer:

no its ok,I will overcome it,godwilling..

Customer:

but for exemple,the problem with my boyfriend

Customer:

I can not really forget it during the week since he calls everyday..

Customer:

ad we couldnt talk this week,he was sick

Customer:

he came to see me but didnt want to talk about that because of his situation

Dr. Z :

Well that is understandable that he did not want to talk about it and I know you were over thinking it too, but remember what I told you on Monday, was to talk to him about it and make him more aware of your feeling about this issue and hopefully he will do the right thing and take the picture down

Dr. Z :

When he is ready discuss it with him

Dr. Z :

But also realize that your low self-confidence may also be magnifying the situation too, you have to be objective in this too

Customer:

sometimes when I see him,I think its just that im used to him,im not really sure its love

Dr. Z :

That is a possibility, you can try taking a break from him to see if your feelings are genuine

Customer:

of course i have something for him also,but for exemple when we started dating I didnt talk about him like other girls would talk about their new boyfriend

Customer:

-i went on vacation this summer,he didnt talk to me a lot during the days he was fasting and I missed him

Customer:

but i dont know if its because I like him or the fact that I was used talking to him everyday..

Customer:

this weekend,I was overthinking and some questions came to my mind

Dr. Z :

Well I cannot tell you how you feel about your boyfriend, only you can do that, but I can give advice and suggestions. Like I said on Monday I think talking to him and letting him be more aware of your feelings about this issue is a step in the right direction and if he acknowledges this you can try to work on the relationship more, but if he dismisses your concerns I think breaking up with him would be the best solution

Customer:

you means,if he doesnt take the pictures down?

Dr. Z :

Yes that is what I mean by dismissing your concerns

Dr. Z :

I remember it was the story about the woman who married to his cousin for immigration purposes, it was an interesting story if memory serves

Customer:

but if we think abt it,if he was really a good person,he would have taken them down,the last time we talked about it he said he cant delete them i dont why he said that

Customer:

deep inside,im tired of that story,honestly i think this is crazy

Dr. Z :

I think it is an odd story and all your friends say you should break up with him, but your low self-confidence is keeping you from doing that because everytime you see him you forget about the issues and just kiss him

Customer:

yeah :(

Customer:

its also because i thought he cared about me

Customer:

i dont understand wy he calls me everyday then

Dr. Z :

He probably does care about you, but is oblivious to how those pictures make you feel

Dr. Z :

Some people are like that

Customer:

but i dont understand how can someone cares about you and hurt you at the same time?

Dr. Z :

Have you ever cared about someone and hurt them before?

Customer:

maybe in highschool but since im in college i dont do that,I became more mature

Dr. Z :

Well even adults hurt others that they care about. It happens when we are oblivious to others feelings, not realizing what we did hurt them, we are stressed or in a bad mood, etc...

Dr. Z :

We all make mistakes, but the important thing is what you do after you make the mistake

Dr. Z :

Now because he did not take down the pictures after you asked speaks more about his character than the picture itself

Customer:

yes and im asking myself ''is it really wort it?

Customer:

we know that love isnt about ''i loveyou'' but some sacrifice..

Dr. Z :

Exactly it is about sacrifice and this is a very minor sacrifice, i mean we are just talking about a picture

Customer:

yes,and I dont understand how his wife's cousin (if it was true0 would seat like that on his lap,I mean even if she did that he wouldnt have allow her,and i think its disrespectful for her husband

Dr. Z :

I agree, I am not fully believing his story and I think you should break up with him, that is just my advice, but talk to him before and see how he responds

Customer:

yes and even if it was true,,we cant hide sur a thing

Customer:

such

Customer:

even me,i am not believing his story,a lot of weird things

Customer:

there was a legend on the picture written ''wifey;;

Dr. Z :

Wow!!

Dr. Z :

That seems suspect in my view

Customer:

he said it was not him who put it,even if his cousin posted the pic he wont write wifey and his wife being on someone else lap

Dr. Z :

I agree

Dr. Z :

I think you should follow your friends advice and break up with him. If you cannot do it in person, then over the phone

Customer:

I also discovered other things

Dr. Z :

Like what?

Customer:

this girl's facebook

Customer:

she has pictures with him since jannuary

Customer:

and on july they went on the beach

Customer:

and on my bf profile picture theres a picture of the beach

Customer:

and theres the same in her album,but hes seating by himself

Customer:

so maybe this girl is like his fiance but doesnt live here?

Dr. Z :

Yeah that is very suspect. I am not trusting this guy the more you tell me. I think you should just break up with him and not even talk to him about it because this is very suspicious

Customer:

i mean,he didnt tell me that they went to the beach

Customer:

but i saw her pictures and it was posted on july

Customer:

so when i looked at my bf facebook,he had one of the same pictures she had

Customer:

''he was seating alone

Dr. Z :

Well it is possible that he is hiding this girl from you and that he is seeing both of you romantically

Customer:

how can he be with this girl and calling me all the time?

Customer:

like twice?three times a day

Dr. Z :

I am not certain, I cannot read this man's mind, but perhaps she is in a different country and they only communicate through email

Dr. Z :

I am just saying that you do not trust him and some of what he says is suspicious and your friends feel that his behavior is questionable and that you should break up with him too

Customer:

yes i think even if he would make papers for this girl so she would stay

Customer:

all the story doesnt really make sens its really weird

Customer:

and i dont think i wanna put myself into a position where i will never really know the truth

Dr. Z :

I think that is a wise decision and I thinking breaking up with him is a good idea for you

Customer:

yes,maybe hes married to her ,who knows

Customer:

because they were wearing rings

Dr. Z :

That is possible, you are a bright young woman, trust your instincts on this one. I think you are right

Customer:

so now mayeb I slept with a married men,wow...

Customer:

maybe

Dr. Z :

Maybe, it is possible, but you did not know. You were betrayed too if this is the case

Customer:

yeah and that happened one week ago

Customer:

since i dont trust him anymore,im even scared of being pregnant

Customer:

but thats my anxiety coming

Dr. Z :

Yeah i doubt you are pregnant, but if you wanted to be sure you can get one of those pregnancy tests at the store or order it online if you do not want to buy it at the store and it will be accurate after a week for you

Customer:

we used protection

Customer:

but it didnt last long because he said ''the protection is coming out''

Customer:

since i dont trust him i think im just feeling anxious about that since it was my first time

Dr. Z :

Yeah I think you are just being anxious, it is a normal reaction. Remember to use the CBT techniques, I hope you printed them out, whenever you are feeling anxious

Customer:

but now if hes really married that sucks,I lost my virginity with a married men ewww

Dr. Z :

First off we are not sure he is married, you are jumping to conclusions, remember how CBT talks about that. And also even if you did, you did not know and you were the one that was betrayed

Customer:

yes but in the facebook pictures

Customer:

the lady has a white dress

Dr. Z :

I know, but remember CBT, you are treating conjecture as fact. It is a possibility, but you are not certain.

Customer:

but its better to break up

Customer:

since the story is weird

Dr. Z :

Yes definitely I think breaking up with him is a good idea

Customer:

but like u said my insecurities are making it hard

Customer:

its like my mind is finding excuses to not break up with him but at the same time

Customer:

it makes me anxious

Dr. Z :

I know, but I think breaking up with him is in your best interests as I do not think he is trustworthy. You will have to rely on your inner strength and hold firm to break up with him. I can only give you the advice, you are the one that must choose to act and execute if you choose.

Customer:

yeah plus when i asked about the pics of the beach he said it was taking last year

Customer:

im not sure abt that

Dr. Z :

Exactly, you have enough proof to show that this man is not trustworthy and not respecting you, do what you must do and break up with him

Customer:

yeah since this girl has pics in the beach on her fb and he does too (except he didnt post pics with her)

Customer:

its very suspicious

Customer:

hes hiding something

Dr. Z :

I agree, I think you know what to do

Customer:

sorry abt this crazy story tho

Customer:

i think im naive but i was suspicious

Dr. Z :

Its okay, I am here to help. You are young, he was the man that you first had sex with, so you are very much connected to him and do not want to believe that he is this bad guy, and that is denial, but I think you connected the dots and you know he is not trustworthy

Dr. Z :

You should end this relationship to avoid getting hurt further

Customer:

yeah,but im not in love with him,i liked him and my anxiety makes me want to find excuses to not break up

Customer:

but i think i deserve better

Dr. Z :

I think you deserve a lot better too!

Customer:

its like my brain is always trying to solve a problem

Dr. Z :

I know, but the solution to this problem is ending the relationship and moving on

Customer:

yeah of course

Customer:

hes a very good actor tho

Customer:

they should give him nobel of price for lying

Dr. Z :

Well I am sure he has practiced a lot too, unfortunately

Customer:

but the story doesnt make sens

Dr. Z :

I know it doesnt, Liars will always get caught in their own lie and they have to lie to protect the original lie, and so on and so one. It always unravels though and you figured that out

Customer:

im going to leave very soon because i dont want to keep you

Customer:

i just dont understand how he has time for me if he was really with someone else

Customer:

hes always calling or texting

Customer:

even when i dont he doesnt care he would text

Dr. Z :

I am not sure, like I said it is possible it was through email if she lives in another country

Customer:

i dont know if she lives in another country

Dr. Z :

I do not know either, I am just saying there is a possibility

Customer:

anyways im breaking up to have peace of mind

Dr. Z :

I think that is a great decision and support you 100 percent too

Customer:

thank u

Customer:

i think i will go to bed

Customer:

i have a headache from him

Dr. Z :

Okay, I wish you all the best and I hope that your anxiety symptoms lessen very soon and that the breakup with your boyfriend goes smoothly. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much

Customer:

i dont know anymore

Customer:

abt the pictures

Dr. Z :

What dont you know?

Customer:

if the wifey was a tag or if he wrote it

Customer:

but as soon as i talked abt it

Customer:

the word disapeared

Customer:

i mean when i asked him abt it,the days after it was no longer there

Dr. Z :

Is it possible you are overthinking about this and trying to come up with excuses to stay with him?

Customer:

no that day i had my period so wasnt feeling good

Customer:

im making a decision now

Customer:

but when we judge everything in general

Customer:

its not really worth it

Dr. Z :

I think he is not worth it and that you deserve much better

Customer:

me i just thik if he was really serious he wouldnt take such pictures '''the girl being on his lap and hugging him'' and the second i talked abt the pics if he was also serious he would have removed them instead of saying ''i cant deleted them''

Customer:

if he said that he cant delete them he knows he know it bothered me

Dr. Z :

I know, we talked about this. This is a minimal sacrifice and he should do it for your feelings, but even if it does it is not enough as he has proven to not be trustworthy and you will always wonder if he is telling the truth.

Dr. Z :

You deserve more than this

Customer:

ok

Customer:

i am leaving now

Customer:

thank u for evrtyhing

Customer:

have a goodnight

Customer:

and sorry to keep u so long

Dr. Z :

Its okay, I am happy that I was able to help you tonight. Let me know if you need anything at all in the future. I hope you have a good night

Customer:

thank u

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always here for you when you need me

Customer:

thank u so much but im annoying lol

Customer:

bye bye

Dr. Z :

You are definitely not annoying at all, do not think that

Customer:

ok take care

Dr. Z :

You too :)

Dr. Z :

(Please do not forget to rate me before you leave)

Customer:

yes sure dont worry

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4414
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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