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I am so sorry that you are experiencing these issues, but I do agree I do not believe that you have a mental illness, such as depression or a personality disorder, but I think you have a situational issue where you do not like your job, but enjoy the work you do. This is quite common actually
Some people feel a need for change from their work environment and if they switch jobs in the same field, that can help.
I think earning money is important for you though and for your family, for obvious reason, but you can try possibly taking online courses or night classes to explore other professional fields if that interests you
This would still give you the stability associated with your job and can open up different options/career paths for you in the future. And it can also give you a sense of direction too
yes.. you are right..but see, it is intertwined with the fact that i am good at what i do.. but i dont like doing it in the current form.. i mean i dont want to second guess myself.. but just want to see how to deal with situation.. because i dont have the same energy and confidence as when i was say 25
Well I dont think you lack confidence necessarily, but I think you are concerned about your future and making a wrong decision that could impact you and your family (e.g. economically immediately comes to mind).
i am taking a few certification exams etc.. to keep myself occupied to give myself a sense of movement.. yet.. i have this sense of hole in the middle of my existence.. not sure if that is a fillable gap ever :-)
Well what you are describing could be akin to a "mid-life crisis" as you are trying to find direction in your life and unhappy, although good, at what you are currently doing. Usually this will pass, but it may take some trial and error approaches to see how you can fill that "gap" in your life.
I would like to recommend a book that may be helpful. It really details about how every person has a purpose and it may help you find yours too and help you achieve these convictions that you are seeking
sure.. i will go through this book.. and mid life crisis comes early :-) ??..and yes.. economy is definitely on my mind.. but i don't necessarily fear economicaly...for i am traditionally indian in my fiscal mindset.. very conservative.. and have saved enough.. and also our life-style ambitions are extremely moderate.. though we have our kids' education as the foremost goal at this point..
so i mean.. can it be a more spiritual thing.. ? things are going good.. infact i wanted to resign and go back to india for a 6 month hiatus.. and my wife was ok.. so.. i don't even fear losing a job.. in fact i want to get away from it (only my company requested so that things won't get messed up with clients and so i stayed back)...
Well you are 38, and the average life span for a male is 75-80 years old, so it is actually right on time for you. It could be a spiritual thing that is very true. The book I recommended for you has a very strong spiritual overtone. Since you do not fear losing your job, it is possible that you are trying to seek something else besides work to identify with and that can be through spiritual means, hobbies, activities, etc...
While you are very good at your job, but it is a superficial thing and it is possible that you are trying to identify and connect with something on a deeper level spiritually, intellectually, and/or emotionally, which cannot be done at your current job
i can identify with that.. i mean, it is not a necessarily superiority complex thing.. for i constantly try to make sure i am aware of my fallibility.. but yes, i do feel the superficiality of the actions and thoughts associated with the mundane.. and my interests are deeper.. but they don't have any shape.. and since i don't have strong conviction.. i can't give them a definitive shape.. for example. i write.. and i am in touch with pre-eminent folks in literature.. but i don't believe in the concept of publishing and all that.. only at some moments of inspiration i write somethign really good that i share with folks i know.. just as an example.. so, maybe it is a conviction.. and i lack it
Well like I said, it may take some trial and error, as well as some "pushing" on your part to find your conviction. The important thing is that you are looking for it and not resolved to being in a stagnant life that is mundane for you.
It will take time, but as long as you are persistent and motivated I am confident that you will find this conviction that you seek
true.. i think that's the sisyphusian thing i have to keep doing.. and at some point the rock may stop rolling down :-)
I hope so, although unlike Sisyphus I do not think you are being punished.
Your motivation and persistence will help you find this conviction you are seeking, so keep being motivated and you will get there. I think you will really like that book by the way since you like literature and spirituality too
yes.. i am sure of that.. i have this overwhelming joyful feeling about the larger canvas of life.. and although i love reading lawerence, dostoevsky and neitzche and all those who brood on the darker side of life.. mine is a sunny disposition.. i will keep plugging and probably in that plugging away i will seek and find my conviction.. thank you very much for your time..
Anytime, I am always happy to help. Good luck on your search and I am confident that you will find what you are looking for. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much
sure.. appreciate it.. will make sure i rate well :-)