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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Mental Health
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My man blows hot and cold, one minute the perfect boyfriend

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My man blows hot and cold, one minute the perfect boyfriend the next no contact for days, sometimes weeks. I'm hurt and so in love with him, but he doesn't even know, though he knows I have feelings. I've now not heard from him in 1 month (he has been on vacation during this time) do I contact him or wait for him to contact me, then tell him I'm upset. I don't want to be chasing him all the time. I mainly initiate contact. But at same time I don't want him to get away with treating me like this all time either. I don't know what to do. Can you advise?

JohnMichaels,MS,LPC : Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though. The response I have may not be what you are hoping for, but from my perspective it's the truth. As long as you are chasing him he is not likely to change. He will co to he to expect you to come after him and therefore continue to move away until you do. At the same time, if you do hold off, he may eventually come after you. If he cares about you he will. if he doesnt come, you have discovered his true feelings. In reality you never had him to begin with. He has only been using you. There are no guarantees, but I truly believe this is your only hope for a healthy relationship with this individual. I'm sorry my response is not more positive, but I truly believe it is an honest evaluation of your situation.

Thank you for your reply above. So you don't think I should come clean and tell him exactly how I feel, lay the cards out in front of him so to speak and see what his response is? He is a very established man, free spirited, travels a lot, I think easily distracted, but very sensitive and somewhat shy when talking intimately. I think likes a woman who he finds challenging or challenges his decisions/opinions as he is a man who usually gets what he wants. I can certainly be that woman, however will holding off from contacting him altogether show him that? It will certainly show him that I'm not clingy and like you say his true feelings for me. We're not dating we're supposed to be in a r/ship, he asked me to be his girlfriend so that's why I feel maybe I should handle this by saying what I need to and not by holding off the contact?

JohnMichaels,MS,LPC : I did t catch that you never have expressed your true feelings for him. I believe you will always so see if you don't. I would say then go ahead and tell him how you feel and observe his response. Honestly, that may have the same affect. It will either make or break your relationship. If be cares about you he will respond accordingly. If your feelings turn him away, you never had him to begin with
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC : By all means don't give up without an effort. Good luck to your efforts
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC

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