I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend and that he may have a diagnosis of NPD. Typically with NPD though, the person does not believe they have an issue and that everyone else is wrong, so with you saying that he does not like who he is suggests that he may have Narcissistic Personality Traits, and not the full disorder, and/or that the substance use and addictive behavior are strongly influencing his behavior.
I think that since you do care for him in a lot of ways, it would not hurt to mention that he needs mental health counseling, but you do not have to specifically mention NPD, although you definitely can mention about the substance use and his addictive behavior and how that creates personality changes for him.
The issue with NPD is that typically the person does not respond well to the treatment, and they most be very motivated for a long period of time with treatment (typically 1-3 years) to get noticeable benefits from the therapy and to lessen their symptoms of NPD
I would like to recommend this treatment book that your boyfriend can use to help change his behaviors and addiction issues as well
He is boastful of himself in many ways, but then he makes comments about not being a monster but a person with feelings. He seems to have feelings, he just doesn't get that other people have just as strong of feelings.
Most likely he has NPD traits then by why you are telling me, so this is not as severe as the disorder itself and it may be magnified by his addiction issues and substances that he uses, which obviously can cause behavioral changes.
The best therapy, even though he cannot afford it, for NPD is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen. But like I said even with CBT, the patient does not typically respond well to treatment.
So telling him that he needs therapy for his addiction issues will get him through the door and then the therapist will be able to recognize the NPD traits and be able to treat that as well, but I do not think you should mention NPD as it may make his defensive and resistant.
He is very insecure, and there are times he admits that, and says he can't be alone, but other times you can see how he builds himself up in his head and acts so different. It has been so confusing until I finally read some about this. I have already tried to get him to get help with his addictions, he says he can do it by himself.
Then he will need treatment by an addictions therapist or a rehabilitation facility since he is unable to do it on his own.
But overall to answer your question I do not think you should mention NPD as it may cause him to be resistant to treatment for his NPD traits that you notice and his addiction issues too
ok, thank you very much. Do you have any suggestions onhow to let go of someone you know is bad for you but you still love?
Well these books I will recommend to you in a little bit are good to help you through this, but most importantly is that you have to pay attention to the objective thoughts and view points concerning why the relationship is bad for you and how if you continue with the relationship it will hurt you in the long run. So overall try to think objectively about the situation and not rely on your feelings of love even though I know you do care for this man a lot.
You are most welcome, is there anything else I can do to assist you tonight?