Several months ago, I went through a manic/mixed state stage where I made a lot of bad decisions. I was later diagnosed with bipolar II and prescribed Lamictal and lithium, which helped a lot and made me look back in horror at a lot of my decisions. I had been so confident about my bad decisions, and I am wondering how I can trust myself now. If I say that my decisions were heavily influenced by bipolar, then how can I trust my decisions now? I obsess so much about the past because I want so desperately for my decisions to have not been my fault - they were just so awful. How do I recover from the mental state I am now due to all those decisions? I've still made bad decisions since starting the meds - although not nearly as bad as before. So I can't blame those on being bipolar. I think it's just due to feelings of hopelessness, denial, and VERY debilitating guilt. Most days, I can't hold complex conversations with people because I can't understand what they're saying - 90% of my brain power is being used to compulsively obsess about things I feel guilty for, present and past.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
I believe that I can help you with this question.
Thank you :)
One of the things that happens when you have bipolar disorder is that you are prone to reckless behavior and terrible judgment.
Starting to take the meds does not flip an on/off switch and suddenly stop your impulsive and reckless behavior. It takes time to slow down your racing mind and to get settled.
good point, that makes sense
The feelings of hopelessness, denial, and debilitating guilt are the other side of the two poles of bipolar disorder: the depressive side.
You cannot change the past but you are already working on the present.
We all do things that we wish we hadn't done but you can't un-ring the bell, but you CAN learn from your mistakes and move forward.
Do you really feel that now you are having obsessive thoughts?
Try to look back with a clinical and neutral mind instead of looking back in horror.
Those are all very true. Thank you for the inspiring words :) Regarding the obsessive thoughts...yes, I suppose they are a way of trying to come to grips with the past
You have learned so much and now know there was a real reason for these reckless actions.
Do you want to do some exercises for thought stopping?
This book is wonderful and will help immensely.
Okay, thank you!
It is basic, simple, and very effective.
You are healing and getting better.
You are seeing clearly.
The medications are working for you.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! You made some very good points
I really appreciate it!
You are so very welcome. I shall keep you in my prayers for success and complete healing.
Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Thank you - I will give you a very good rating :)