Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Thank you Rafael
nice to meet you
Thank you for joining the chat
I am sorry to know you have been hiding what you feel this long
Is this the first time that you look for some guidance or support about it?
yes, I've just been trying to deal with it alone
I feel I've reached the point in life where I need to make a decision about it, one way or the other
I see, then you should have had a lot of strength and resilience as well and stress pushing you this much
It's been hard
I am glad you finally come to terms with this fact. You need and deserve to be fully yourself
I cannot imagine how tough, only you know how it feels, nut I understand how challenging it could get because of my profession
I am sure you've seen a lot, it's held me back some in life, all the confusion
I bet it has.
It's very conflicting, overhwelming I'd say to feel yourself in this mismatch between your self and your body
Very much so, sometimes i feel fine with being "normal", but often think i should be something else
First I want to clarify that this is not considered to be a mental illness.
Sometimes i do question my sanity lol
The big problem arises when due to repression, denial, avoidance and other defense mechanisms people in your shoes could use in order to coupe and keep going, mental health disorders like anxiety, depression and others could develop, since it is tough the challenges you have been facing, even more if it'd been for this long
I think I understand
You do, that sounds like what i've been dealing with
But happily you are still a young adult, there is no more time to waste delaying necessary work on yourself to own your life the way you need and deserve
I agree, I really want to find out as soon as i can if i should make the change. And if not make the change, heal and live a normal life
Did you use to feel uncomfortable as a boy when wearing typical boys; clothing or when engaging in boys' activities?
A lot as I was growing up. I still do fairly often now as well.
if you have felt literally trapped into the incorrect body since childhood and these feelings and longing have not changed but remain the same of got stronger to the present then it is obvious you need to start working on yourself to become whole, more yourself.
I think so too. I do have moments where i purge the clothes and thoughts and force myself to be a normal guy, but it usually doesn't last long. i think heavy thoughts of what others will think affects that.
That and some of my relationships with women. I've always been "normal" with women i've dated
Then you should have been suffering of a lot of anxiety because of it, the world the way it is,is already tough and many times very insensitive and abusive, much more if it is about something that does not meet their rigid expectations and beliefs.
You are very right about that. I have suffered much anxiety
Then have you been strongly longing to be able to get rid of eveyr sign of your biological sex and have a body that matches your core self, haven't you?
very much so
part of me still feels it's wrong and i should try and be a normal guy though
I see, then it would make perfect sense to think you truly have had this condition and it would not change the way you feel inside, then it is necessary to work on everything necessary for you to know everything needed it would take, the pros and cons you would have to face depending on your decision, but with all the necessary support you deserve.
Is this part of you refraining you, related to the religious beliefs and social values you were raised with and dominant around you?
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX I think maybe I need to just go for it and not worry so much and try and be happy. My friends, family and religious views have definitely made me feel guilty about it all and caused me to hide it and suppress it entirely.
It's like I don't want to let anyone down or have anyone think poorly of me
i am sorry to confirm that such has been your reality. Prejudice, stereotypes leading to discrimination and abuse are so destructive and could easily undermine the most stable person, even more if they come from your own loved ones, your support system.
Yes, it is very sad. Especially because I hide it so well, they would never expect it and more than likely turn on me. Lately I've come to terms with the fact that if I go down the road of change, I don't mind relocating and making new friends if it means happiness
Codependency uses to become a core issue here, and your words may reflect that to, the need to please those who are close to you and expect you to comply with certain roles they think must not be challenged at all, without understanding your reality, core needs and expectations.
You are definitely right about that
I fully support you, and think it would be a very assertive and healthy option
The term used to identify this condition is "gender dysphoria". The first step is to get an appointment with your primary care physician, who should be able to refer to to a gender dysphoria clinic for a complete personalised assessment.
Treatment would mostly focus on supporting you to eradicate the feeling of mismatch between your biological sex and your gender identity. From there, during this process you would confirm and get clear about what you really want to do in order to take good care of yourself, in the healthiest and most fulfilling possible way.
I definitely want to just go one way or the other. I'm not sure how much more confusion i can take lol. I feel like i'm just spinning my wheels in life and want to move forward being happy.
Some people choose just to start openly dressing the way they feel they want, while other feel the need to start and keep hormonal therapy to having surgery to change their appearance.
Absolutely, I do support your approach, please take consistent action without further delay, since there is nothing helpful nor worthy to perpetuate this waiting even more.
Ever since my teens I've thought heavily about hormones and surgery
You do not want to afford getting more anxious, developing serious depressive disorder or other serious problems.
I think my parent's may have caught on to this a little back then, and did not handle it well, especially my dad.
You are right, I don't need anymore issues lol
Then I think it is time to start taking consistent actions to make things work for you.
I think you are very right
Please don let anybody's ignorance to undermine your path and way of fulfillment and growth in life.
I guess i've just been terrified to do anything about it. Worry about what others would think or if the wrong people found out. Especially if i was wrong and end up being normal. It would mark me forever in a negative way
Thank you for the kind words :)
Let people deal with their own issues without bothering about them, since you need all your energy to take good care of yourself and share with those able and willing to respect, understand and support you, the whole and real you.
That's very true
I think your story is very clear, and now going through the right path, that's why a GD clinic is the way yo go for you to receive all necessary support.
You're very welcome. thank you for trusting me this much!
Do you think I would be happier making the change?
I think that could be the most realistic and healthiest option taking into account your words, but the only way to make sure is through a careful process. from assessment to psychotherapy where you would assess each one of your option,s core needs and expectations, evaluate pros and cons, become aware of what is available and with the right professional support work on each stage on the process regardless of what you choose. remember if you take the time and get adequate support, you would make a good job leading your life towards what would fulfill you the most.
I think you are right for sure. Thank you very much for listening to me and helping me. I really needed to talk to someone i could trust. It's been driving me crazy. I don't have a primary doctor, where's a good place to find a clinic to assist me?
I am here to support you and will be glad to answer any further questions if possible. So please feel free to contact me.
Let me look for some information. Most times you require a referral from your PCP.
At least i am on my own insurance now, I had thought about talking to someone a while back but was afraid my family would find out about it.
Thank you for looking for me, i appreciate it
Perfect, that helps a lot. One first step here is for you to contact your health insurance carrier and request information about coverage/benefits. remember that plans do use to work under concrete restrictions and limitations, with specific provider, from treatment centers to private practitioners and medical criteria-conditions they would pay for or not. This is why it is essential to start by finding out which are your benefits.
It would not help to find a good program-clinic but then find out your health plan does not work with them.
I work at a hospital that provides full coverage, I'm not sure if that works for this as well though
That sounds very good, then please find out about it.
I will, thank you very much for everything
You're very welcome
Please take a time to review information in this website about treatment in the US: http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/transgender_mag85.htm
Thank you. Bye for now.
Thank you again, take care
You're welcome. Bye.