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I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that your husband is acting this way, I can imagine how distressful this must be for you
I would like to ask you a couple questions to get some more information, so that I can better assist you.
How long has your husband been exhibiting this type of behavior?
since we have been together- 3 years
he has been behaving that way- obsessions with his mother before and fear of death since he was a teenager
And does your husband have an inability to empathize with others?
Yes and No. In a way he would always push me to call a friend if he or she is in trouble and would do so himself and he claims that he would always be there for me but on the other hand he indeed does not feel bad if I am sick and has been having issues with bedside manners as he is a physician himself
It is indeed sometimes difficult to put himself in someone's else shoes and empathize indeed.
And does he take advantage of others at all?
He is sometimes very lazy so likes his sister/father or myself to take care of any administrative or annoying matters. Her sister says: "my brother likes other people to do cheat for him".
But otherwise his goal is not to take advantage of others
He likes to be the one who decides and who is in control and people to be submissive to him
Does he like to be praised for his achievements at all?
Yes totally. He always reproaches me not to admire him enough for what he does, what he knows and who he became as a cardiologist
If that helps also, he is currently unemployed and has been fired 6 months ago because of his issues
Okay, so it is possible that he has an anxiety disorder, maybe even an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), but truthfully the chief issue with his behavior of anger, controlling, putting you down, etc...is that he most likely has a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Here is a link describing this disorder in more detail for you and I believe that he fits many of the criteria
Thank you. Are there any ways to cure these disorders and in particular the NPD? Would he need to see a behavioral therapist or see a psychiatrist with medication according to you? This is doing a lot of damage in his life, as he lost his job already and we are in the midst of a divorce. I would like to know if there is any way I could save my marriage and ever have a safe household for my 14 month old son?
Well for the anxiety and NPD I would recommend the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as it is the most evidence based therapy that can effectively treat many anxiety and personality disorders. But usually individuals with NPD usually do not seek treatment as they feel there is nothing wrong with them and everyone else is wrong. Even if he does seek treatment, the odds of him responding well to the CBT are minimal as NPD is a very tough disorder to treat. Also there are no medications that are specifically designed to treat NPD.
Now for the anxiety disorders, he can respond to CBT and some medications, usually a SSRI antidepressant and a benzodiazepine are two medications that can be prescribed for his anxiety issues.
I would like to recommend some books to protect yourself and also to give you more insight on NPD too
I see. Thank you very much. Sadly this is exactly it: my husband feels there is nothing wrong with him and everyone else is wrong.
Thank you for these recommendations.
What do you think I could do regarding my marriage? If he does commit to CBT, although chances are small, do you think he could get better or do you believe that this is too dangerous for my son and I?
Finally how can I save your answers and our correspondence after it is finished.
Thanks again for your help
Well first off it takes around 1-2 years of CBT for someone with NPD to positively respond to treatment, so I do not think that you have that time for the sake of your well being and your son, so I think a separation is wise and to see if he would be willing to go to treatment for this because right now his behavior is very severe. So when you finish rating me, this chat will be sent as a link to your email, if it has not already, so you can always use it for future reference. In addition, this chat will be saved in your JA account under My Questions so you can always go back to it when you need to
So the answers will always be saved for you
Also one of the books that I recommended for you also is about protecting yourself while divorcing someone who has NPD, so that should be very beneficial for you too
So I think going through the divorce would be the best option as he has not shown a willingness to seek treatment for his behavior and most likely he will not respond well to treatment for his issues.
Do you have any questions or concerns?
No thanks a lot for your help