How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4523
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello, I need to identify the condition/disorder my husband

Resolved Question:

Hello,

I need to identify the condition/disorder my husband is victim of. Here are his symptoms:

- my husband has an impulse control issue and when he gets upsets, he starts screaming, cursing, crying, hitting objects injuring himself or others at times. It is very hard for him to calm down after such a crisis.

- he is obsessive: if I wear a hat, this is what blocks him and he needs to take it off my head before we talk or do anything else, he repeats me 10/15 times a day about my posture, the way I eat (the sit has to be perpendicular to the table), the way I push the stroller. If he fixes his mind on something (for instance the fact that I am going to sleep with two pillows while he only has one, he will repeat it the whole night and it will be his first idea in the morning that he will keep on repeating). He does not like the way his mother eats and each single time he sees her, he starts an argument over it with mean looks, insults and screams and when I asked him why he could not stop this, he said that he could not control it. This has spoilt moments like our engagement party for instance.

- my husband is very nervous and clearly has anxiety issues. He sleeps poorly at night and has a recurring nightmare about abyss and death and screams a few times at least [per night "Mother F...". He tells me that his big fear is non-existing and not being there anymore.

- my husband always needs to belittle me and put me down, criticizing my English, my knowledge, my career, my physics. He has been abnormally cruel at times where he should have been very respectful, like during my pregnancy where he cursed me out, forced me out of our car, leaving me on the road because he was upset at me.

- my husband is the one who always needs to be the center of attention and I cannot really talk or be natural when he is around me because he always judges and needs to control what I say and do.

- my husband is very smart. He is an invasive cardiologist.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that your husband is acting this way, I can imagine how distressful this must be for you

Dr. Z :

I would like to ask you a couple questions to get some more information, so that I can better assist you.

Customer:

sure

Customer:

thank you

Dr. Z :

How long has your husband been exhibiting this type of behavior?

Customer:

since we have been together- 3 years

Customer:

he has been behaving that way- obsessions with his mother before and fear of death since he was a teenager

Dr. Z :

And does your husband have an inability to empathize with others?

Customer:

Yes and No. In a way he would always push me to call a friend if he or she is in trouble and would do so himself and he claims that he would always be there for me but on the other hand he indeed does not feel bad if I am sick and has been having issues with bedside manners as he is a physician himself

Customer:

It is indeed sometimes difficult to put himself in someone's else shoes and empathize indeed.

Dr. Z :

And does he take advantage of others at all?

Customer:

He is sometimes very lazy so likes his sister/father or myself to take care of any administrative or annoying matters. Her sister says: "my brother likes other people to do cheat for him".

Customer:

But otherwise his goal is not to take advantage of others

Customer:

He likes to be the one who decides and who is in control and people to be submissive to him

Dr. Z :

Does he like to be praised for his achievements at all?

Customer:

Yes totally. He always reproaches me not to admire him enough for what he does, what he knows and who he became as a cardiologist

Customer:

If that helps also, he is currently unemployed and has been fired 6 months ago because of his issues

Dr. Z :

Okay, so it is possible that he has an anxiety disorder, maybe even an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), but truthfully the chief issue with his behavior of anger, controlling, putting you down, etc...is that he most likely has a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Here is a link describing this disorder in more detail for you and I believe that he fits many of the criteria

Customer:

Thank you. Are there any ways to cure these disorders and in particular the NPD? Would he need to see a behavioral therapist or see a psychiatrist with medication according to you? This is doing a lot of damage in his life, as he lost his job already and we are in the midst of a divorce. I would like to know if there is any way I could save my marriage and ever have a safe household for my 14 month old son?

Dr. Z :

Well for the anxiety and NPD I would recommend the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as it is the most evidence based therapy that can effectively treat many anxiety and personality disorders. But usually individuals with NPD usually do not seek treatment as they feel there is nothing wrong with them and everyone else is wrong. Even if he does seek treatment, the odds of him responding well to the CBT are minimal as NPD is a very tough disorder to treat. Also there are no medications that are specifically designed to treat NPD.

Dr. Z :

Now for the anxiety disorders, he can respond to CBT and some medications, usually a SSRI antidepressant and a benzodiazepine are two medications that can be prescribed for his anxiety issues.

Dr. Z :

I would like to recommend some books to protect yourself and also to give you more insight on NPD too

Customer:

I see. Thank you very much. Sadly this is exactly it: my husband feels there is nothing wrong with him and everyone else is wrong.

Customer:

Thank you for these recommendations.

Customer:

What do you think I could do regarding my marriage? If he does commit to CBT, although chances are small, do you think he could get better or do you believe that this is too dangerous for my son and I?

Customer:

Finally how can I save your answers and our correspondence after it is finished.

Customer:

Thanks again for your help

Dr. Z :

Well first off it takes around 1-2 years of CBT for someone with NPD to positively respond to treatment, so I do not think that you have that time for the sake of your well being and your son, so I think a separation is wise and to see if he would be willing to go to treatment for this because right now his behavior is very severe. So when you finish rating me, this chat will be sent as a link to your email, if it has not already, so you can always use it for future reference. In addition, this chat will be saved in your JA account under My Questions so you can always go back to it when you need to

Dr. Z :

So the answers will always be saved for you

Dr. Z :

Also one of the books that I recommended for you also is about protecting yourself while divorcing someone who has NPD, so that should be very beneficial for you too

Dr. Z :

So I think going through the divorce would be the best option as he has not shown a willingness to seek treatment for his behavior and most likely he will not respond well to treatment for his issues.

Dr. Z :

Do you have any questions or concerns?

Customer:

No thanks a lot for your help

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4523
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education