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I am so sorry that your wife and yourself are going through this, I can understand why you would be worried for her
Since you have confirmed that it is a scam this "army romance" and she agreed, but yet still pursues could mean a possible variety of possible mental health disorders.
The first that comes to mind is a Delusional Disorder where she believes in something so strongly that no matter what evidence you prove to contrary she will just dismiss or not care about the irrefutable evidence
Delusional Disorder can occur throughout someone's life time and we are not entirely sure of the cause of them, but we believe there is a genetic susceptibility
The other possibility for her issues is Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) where she is very focused on her outward looks and also believes relationships are more intimate then they really are, which leads to be more influenced by these types of scams, that you described
I believe that your wife fits the criteria of HPD more as she has exhibited a variety of symptoms for this disorder
Well individuals with both disorders can appear normal to others, but deep down inside they have these issues going on. The strong emotional displays that she exhibits fits HPD very well
Well typically medication does not work, there is some possibility that an antipsychotic medication can help her see reality better and the objective evidence that you explained, but it does not always work. The best treatment for an individual with a personality disorder is intensive Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which she would have to be willing and motivated to do, which that does not appear to be the case her since she does not believe that she has a problem
Her treatment cannot be forced because she is not a danger to herself or others, and she is not gravely disabled, so she has to be willing to seek treatment voluntarily
Yeah I actually just googled these scams you mentioned because I have heard of them, but never knew a lot of details about them. I am so sorry that you wife is doing this which will hurt her mental health in the end when she does realize that is a true scam and also how she is hurting your marriage. You are doing the right thing by not bringing it up as that will cause her to distance herself from you, I think letting the therapist know about this behavior and also bringing up the possible HPD diagnosis would be helpful for the therapist to form a plan of treatment for her.
If you looked at the symptoms of the HPD diagnosis you would be able to see that many of them describe your wife, which is why I believe that she fits the criteria and a therapist can help with this and point out to her the problem with this scam and her behavior
Well this is a severe disorder and it will take intensive treatment, but I would like to recommend these two books that may be helpful interacting with her and helping her see that she needs help. The best thing you can do with the techniques in these books is to not judge her at all, but instead help her to try focus on objective thoughts and not her subjective thoughts of this "scam"
So far you are doing the right thing by getting her into a therapy session and hopefully she will respond well to an objective viewpoint about her behavior and seek more intensive treatment for these issues.
I understand and you are very good and compassionate husband. Wit the right treatment she can be cured of this issue, but she has to be willing to seek the treatment herself and convincing her may be difficult.
Right you are trying your best to get her to seek help and that is a step in the right direction
Anytime, I am always happy to help and I truly hope and pray as well that she seeks the treatment that she needs for the sake of your marriage and her mental health. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
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Anytime, I am always happy to help