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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10566
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I am a 40 year old divorced woman who is now living back home

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I am a 40 year old divorced woman who is now living back home with my mum. She has always been able to manipulate me, so that I do what she wants. It's for a quiet life! She is very involved in every aspect of my life, even knowing or asking about my periods. She is judgmental of any friends I try to make, I can't even go to my bedroom to make phone calls. Financially, I can't move out. I have lots of health problems, many related to stress. I have recently started having seizures. I'm finding it really difficult to find the balance, the more controlling she is, the more stressed I get and it goes round and round. Advice please?

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you are having these issues with your mother, I can imagine how distressing this is for you

Dr. Z :

I would like to ask you a couple questions to get some more information, so that I can better assist you

Dr. Z :

Does your mother always believe that she is right all the time?

Dr. Z :

Also does she feel the need to be constantly praised?

Dr. Z :

And does she have an inability to regard other people's emotions?

Customer:

Definitely she knows best. Not constantly praised. Absolutely appaulling sense of others emotions.

Dr. Z :

Okay, I think your mother has a personality disorder or traits of this disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Here is a link with more information on it for you

Customer:

What on earth can I do about it please??

Dr. Z :

Unfortunately the treatment for it is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), but it is not that successful most of the time and unfortunately most likely your mother will get worse over time.

Dr. Z :

There are some books that can provide you with some information on how to not be as influenced by her

Dr. Z :

But these have varying success rates and usually the best method is to move out although you cannot do that with her because of your financial constraints.

Dr. Z :

Truthfully this is not a good situation for you to be in and your options are limited given the severity of her disorder and your present condition medically and financially.

Dr. Z :

The disarming the narcissist book is a good one and can provide you with the tools to minimize or even possibly stop her behavior

Customer:

Thank you. Will I be able to talk to you again? I can't imagine how I will cope if she gets worse. I find it suffocating and feel I'm walking on eggshells ALL the time. I'm in a sense of anxiety all the time. I've tried mindfulness, assertiveness courses, the book A woman in your own right..

Dr. Z :

Here is also a good book too

Dr. Z :

Yes you can contact me at anytime by putting "For DoctorZ only" before you type your question or you can post the question on my homepage in the future

Dr. Z :

I understand how stressful this is for you and it is not fair that you have to go through this with her, and I truly hope the resources help you interact with her better.

Dr. Z :

For your own stress and anxiety she causes I would recommend the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.

Dr. Z :

It can be very effective and help you manage this stress that she causes you, but the best way is to disarm her or find some way to escape the situation and move out when it becomes viable for you

Customer:

Thank you so much. I'm hopeful that the resources will be useful. I just find it so difficult as I have no privacy. I'm having to do this in the lounge, she can't see the screen, but is asking what I'm doing. If I was in my bedroom she'd be shouting up the stairs...

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry, I hope these resources help and that her controlling behavior lessens for you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

Thank you for your advice and kindness. I'll be in touch, let you know how it's going..

Dr. Z :

Definitely keep in touch and I wish you the very best

Customer:

Thank you.

Dr. Z :

You are most welcome :)

Customer:

Will no doubt speak to you soon!

Dr. Z :

You are more than welcome to contact me at anytime, I am usually online most of the time.

Customer:

That's reassuring and comforting actually. Just to know that there is someone to talk to, who 'gets it'. I almost don't want to sign off, but guess I have to let you deal with others issues too! Thanks again, (definitely a 5)

Dr. Z :

Thank you I truly appreciate the positive rating and I am here to support you through anything, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your night

Customer:

And you.

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