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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4416
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Anxious and Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious and Peru
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 8 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello there :)

Dr. Z :

How are you?

Customer:

Hi Dr Z.
well last night I did not heard from her, this AM I called her and she did not answer so I decided to go over and did not see her car, for my surprised she txt me saying she was on her way to get the dogs, this was a little suspicious to me, but in the other hand she could had just got up and drive to get the dogs, my mind was thinking she was not home and wonder where she spend the night.

Dr. Z :

I understand your mentality thinking that, but she could have just left and you both missed each other on the drive

Customer:

true!so we met at my place.. and we chat for a bit. I asked last night I did not heard from her and that I was going to be honest with her, that I felt she was pushing me away and once she had told me

Dr. Z :

Remember try not think too negatively about this

Customer:

when she was over someone she basically shuts down and stops the communications and I was concern about this..

Customer:

she told me yesterday she was doing errands and got the medications and pass out.
I told her that's what

Customer:

I thought it had happened and I was not questioning that, just telling her where I was coming from, very calm conversation, this is what I like about us, I told her she wanted honesty and I was being honest with her

Customer:

she did not reply to my msg last night.. etc

Customer:

also I told her that why I asked a couple of days if things where ok, and she say yes things are ok, some rough like we talk but ok.

Customer:

she told me she was gonna go to church and take a "friend" to get a a car since the friend got drunk last night. I did not question the "friend" just say ok.

Dr. Z :

That is good that you did not question the friend

Dr. Z :

So how did she respond when you said that you felt she was pushing you away?

Customer:

that she has been very stress and hedaches also working night and not getting her sleep witch does not help

Customer:

very calm tone of voice, not arguing, nor mad.. this is what makes me think she is honest

Dr. Z :

Good, I think she is being honest too and her point of view does have merit because she has been stressed and the headaches are bothersome for her

Customer:

and I like when I express my self to her, how I feel.

Customer:

because we can have this honest conversations, I guess At least she know how I feel..

Customer:

Dr z I asked about the appointment and for my surprised she say yes

Dr. Z :

That is great that she said yes :)

Customer:

like without hesitation ..

Dr. Z :

That is good, that shows that she wants you there to help her with this too

Customer:

I was surprised honestly.

Dr. Z :

Well dont be, she is making an effort like you are making an effort too

Customer:

this evening I txt her how was her day, she responded like a hour or so later like her usuan, "fine need a nap"
I asked if she took her friend to pick the car up and not response yet.

Dr. Z :

Yeah I think she just has a lot of issues right now that she is focused on and that is why the relationship is not the number one priority. She cares about you a lot, but her medical issues and stress at work are taking over her life right now

Dr. Z :

So most likely when those get better your relationship will move forward

Customer:

got you. I have to be patient about it..

Dr. Z :

And it will get better soon I hope because she is going to switch to days and that will help with her migraines, lack of sleep, and irritability to

Dr. Z :

*too

Customer:

this morning I felt .. she had lie to me, that she was not home, and probably was at someones place. I kept it cool and think objective about the situation. I think I kind of control my anxiety a little better, although I feel bad for going to check.. make sense? I think it will take time for me , what do you think?

Dr. Z :

I understand what you are saying, you feel a little guilty that you checked up on her thinking that she may have been with someone else. But you did try to focus your mental energy on objective thoughts and reasoning, so that is progress. No one said this will be easy, but you are heading in the right direction

Customer:

I don't want to be pushy and keep asking her if I can come over also you know.. she say prob not tonight but tomorrow,.

Customer:

that was this am

Dr. Z :

I know you do not, but keep being persistent to show her that you are still here for her when she needs you and that you just want to spend time with her. She may say no, but I am sure she appreciates that you care.

Customer:

that's what I wonder,.. if she thinks that I care.. I have express to her that I care...

Dr. Z :

I think you have definitely expressed your feelings for her and she appreciates that

Customer:

you know, the flowers, the M.com the late night that night.. sometimes ALL this thoughts come to my mind and that's when my mind starts racing with Ideas, also the Fact she does not respond to my txt right away.

Customer:

we had a similar months before where she was doing the same behavior in a way, isolation her self and not spending time, that's when she was doing finals and other things for school.

Dr. Z :

So it appears when she is stressed, she can only focus on one thing and not multi-task as well, so that can explain her behavior more than your negative thoughts since she has done this before

Customer:

today I was thinking.. man maybe shes not doing anything wrong but my bad thoughts and experiences from the past made my mind race with negative ideas..
Im staring to feel, she would not lie to my face, she could not even call off to work one day because she felt she was gonna get caught

Customer:

So I know I have a problem, that's why I seek ur help and my therapist that I saw last week.

Dr. Z :

Exactly, the negative thoughts overwhelm you and cause this anxiety, which is why we are changing the thought process to avoid feeling this way. You are doing well by acknowledging that these are negative thoughts and trying to reshape them objectively

Customer:

still my negative thoughts made me think.. does she want to keep me on the side?

Customer:

if she has someone already?

Dr. Z :

Yeah, but try not to focus on those. Focus on all perspectives and the objectivity of it too

Customer:

So you think Im making progress?
what if we both are wrong and she does have some one? ... but you think that is not the case and your always right on the dot.

Dr. Z :

Well I am not always right 100 percent of the time and I cannot predict the future, but I believe she is not cheating on you and yes I do think you are making progress by how you are trying to focus on the objective thought process, but it will take time to get there fully

Customer:

can you asked you cristal ball? ahha

Dr. Z :

haha

Dr. Z :

You are making great progress, trust in that :)

Customer:

Im honestly staring to take a step back when I get anxious and think clearly and not negative..also think about what facts I have to support my negative idea.. my stomach hurts and I start shaking.. but I try to look at the positive side.
how bad on my part will be to accused someone, that cares about me that is not doing anything ..

Dr. Z :

This is just self-guilt you are feeling and it is natural. Try not to focus on it and instead focus on the positive and objective thoughts that you have and that you are making progress and getting better with this. Do not think negatively about yourself

Customer:

Did you think it was good for me to tell her how I feel.. pushing me away etc? and what do you think of her response?

Dr. Z :

I think her response is what I have been telling you and what she has told you in the past. It is okay that you talked about it with her because you were calm and not angry/judgmental with her

Customer:

one more thing Dr Z,
should I expect or not Expect? like right now im expecting her to txt and hopefuly she will tell me to come over?
do I make sense about the Expecting things from her?

Dr. Z :

I think it is okay to expect these things from her, but not right now in her present condition. I think she can only focus on one thing at a time and that is because of her stress and headaches. So for right now do not expect her to tell you those things because of what she is going through, but when they resolve most likely you can expect those things again

Customer:

cool.
Any last suggestions for me?

Dr. Z :

No, not really. You are doing great, just keep being patient and objective and you will be fine :) And remember to trust her too

Customer:

thanks Dr Z

Customer:

God Bless you.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, God Bless and have a great start to your week :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4416
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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