Pls help me as I have no one to talk to, and nowhere else to turn.
My husband left me and our 2 children 2 months ago, saying that he does not love me and that he wants a divorce immediately. 18 mos ago he told me that he was not happy in our marriage, and that he has not agreed with anything that has happened for the 17 years of our marriage. He agrees that he has never said anything b/c "normal people would know, and not need to be told". We went to counseling for 8 months, where he said that he thinks that I have borderline personality disorder
, as he has had books come that he has hid in his office, and that I am just like them. Since them our marriage has been up and down, but I have not been able to let go that he thinks I am abnormal, crazy and have a personality disorder. I have suffered from depression for several years, but since finding anti-depressants that work, I have been doing great. As a matter of fact, my husband would say to me 4-5 times a week for the last 5 or 6 years (prior to his revealing that he has never been happy) that " We have never been so happy!" and "You have never been better!" I believed him, and never had a thought that what he was saying wasn't true.
Since he left, I have been to see a psychotherapist, who has determined that I do NOT have BPD, nor any other personality disorder. He feels that my husband just dislikes my personality.
I have two children - a son 14, and a daughter 10, who are devastated. I am worried sick about them, and the effect this will have on them. I am afraid my husband is going to try to take them away because he will say I am unstable.
My husband has been telling me for years that I am abnormal, and that my own family can't stand me. My parents, especially my dad, have been a great support to me since he left, but my dad suffers from severe Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder. He finds the strain of my marriage falling apart, and the worry about my children too much to bear almost.
Today, my world fell apart.
My whole family was at my parents for Sunday dinner, and my daughter and 2 nieces wanted to go to a craft fair that was finishing today. My husband called and wanted to take my son with him. I said OK. My sister then said to send all of the kids to the craft fair with my husband, as he could get them in for free. I said No, I would take them. My sister said no, let your husband take them all. I said no again, b/c I felt that if he has left me, that my family should be loyal and not include him in family plans as they always did
. I was upset, and my mother and sister were also upset. My sister then took all the kids and gave them to my husband and said "I don't care what you say, I will do what I want with my kids. I don't blame you for leaving her."
My mom agreed with my sister. My dad could see my point but he then got very upset and sick and had a breakdown. My mother says that I am awful and told me to get out, as I have done unspeakable things to my family and am killing my father - if he dies it will be my fault.
I just can't take the stress, guilt and blame anymore. I can't go on. I can think of nothing to do only leave - I am not worth anything to anyone. But, I don't know how I can leave my children. I love them more than life - but maybe they would be better off without me in their lives. I have tried so hard to be a good wife and mother, but I am nothing but a failure. Suicide is not an option for me, as I have been raised to believe that killing yourself is a sin, and that life on earth is not worth eternity in hell. But, I wish that I didn't believe that.
I don't see any other option than to leave my kids and family, and try to finish out my life somewhere else. I don't really have any questions for you, I just needed someone to talk to. Thank-you for listening.