I believe I can help you with your concern
I am sorry you are having this issue with your husband's psychologist.
The psychologist is right that she cannot see both of you for individuals counseling as this can be a "dual role" for her and that would be an ethical violation where she can lose her license, but if your husband asked for you to come to his sessions for couple's therapy than that is usually allowed, if this psychologist sees couples on a regular basis.
May I ask, why did your husband not call his psychologist to ask to include you in a couple's therapy session since I think it is a good thing for the psychologist and your husband to hear your point of view.
I see that you are online right now, so please feel free to ask me any questions that you have
we were originally going into marriage counseling with her but when he called i was unable to make the appointments he set up so he went himself. im afraid now since she wont even return a call and i stated i didnot want to talk about him she will be more on his side since she has heard everything from his point of view
That is an interesting situation. Well it would be unethical for her to see you two at separate times according to APA ethics, but if you both can arrange your schedules were you both can make the appointment together for a session that that is permissible, but she should be able to return your calls, that is very odd that she will not.
If she does not accept your call then have your husband make the appointment for both you and him to go see the psychologist for marriage counseling during one session
A psychologist should not be on anyone's side and instead should be objective and if you enter the sessions with your husband she should be open minded with your point of view
we have been together 23 years married 17. he wanted to work on a problem we are having until he went to her now he doesnt even know if he stills loves me. she told him problems need to be forgot about and move on. i think you need to talk about the problem to work it out. it was another woman. they never had sex but she became very emotionally attached to my husband. and i went through hell during this time. and we separated. i just cant not ask questions and forget
Yeah I do not personally ascribe to the "forgive and forget" adage. I believe that you can forgive, but not forget and I think talking about the issues are important to help prevent this from happening again and to help bring you and your husband closer together.
Is there anyway you think you can join in on the sessions she has been having with your husband. Or if feel uncomfortable with her any chance you two can go to another marriage therapist?
when i tried to talk to him he bacame very angry. he has never got like this. he had totally shut me out of his life. his total personality changed. im not the only one who noticed it. this counselor was one he went to before. i thought if we went as a couple maybe she could see the change
I think that is a good point for the therapist to see you two together and to get a different perspective on his behavior. Him getting angry like this shows that he is defensive about something most likely and if he is not willing to work on the relationship then that should be brought to the therapist's attention, I agree with you
he has a session on wednesday i will ask if i can join in. its hard to find a good marriage counselor around here. i didnt want him to have to sit and repeat all over his whole background. i will just tell my husband if im not satisfied we need to go to someone else
I think telling your husband that you would like to attend the session and he can call the therapist to give her advanced knowledge of this would be the best for both of you because I think your point of view should be expressed and communicated to the therapist, so that the therapist can communicate it effectively to your husband as he shuts you out.
yes he would listen to her. she could get through to him what i want to say. thank you very much you have helped
Anytime, I am always happy to help. I hope that marriage counseling is fruitful for both of you and that your relationship recovers from this. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
thank you i will now that concern is off my mind
You are most welcome, happy that I was able to help :)
Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much