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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4514
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Anxious & Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious & Peru
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello again

Dr. Z :

How are things?

Customer:

Hi Dr Z.
I think uneventful day so far.I did told you she drop the dogs last night? that she worked?

Dr. Z :

Yes I remember that you mentioned that yesterday

Customer:

I say last night good night I love you.. no response.. this morning "Good morning how was your night"
did not got a response until later telling me she was doing errands and was going to get her meds. she told me she will pick the dogs up when she wakes up and I say I was going to suggest that so she could rest

Customer:

I think she has not wake up yet.. But I want to tell you how my mind is thinking..
basically thinking.."is she using me ?"

Customer:

"is she going out right now while im watching the dogs?" Im actually calm, and not anxious because im thinking objectily and not negative.
she is tired and did not got sleep yesterday, went to work, got her meds and probably pass out.

Dr. Z :

Most likely she did pass out and she is irritable and not communicating well with you. I do not think she is taking advantage because remember when you offered to pay for her and she said no. If she was really taking advantage of you, she would have taken that money

Dr. Z :

But I do think she is thinking about herself a lot and that is most likely do to her irritability from the migraines.

Customer:

wen we met she did warn me about this hedaches..

Customer:

I really need to coupe with this.

Dr. Z :

I know you and her both have to cope with these headaches and try to have a meaningful relationship despite the headaches.

Customer:

I feel 2 ways.. that she is pushing me away and the other that she is seing someone.. now that i read this line, im thinking I feel like this because she is having this hedaches and irritability.

Customer:

that line just open my eyes about my nedativity.. do you agree?

Dr. Z :

Well i think you are negative for a good reason because you are not spending as much time with her as you want and the relationship is going through a tough spot right now, but I do not think it is because she is seeing someone else, but because she has medical issues that are causing her to not be the girlfriend that she wants to be

Customer:

but... does she really want to be that GF?

Customer:

what has she shown that makes you think shes trying?..maybe

Customer:

maybe I havent seen it or put attention

Dr. Z :

I think she does, but I think the migraines prevent her from being the girlfriend she wants to be and also I think she is a bit too prideful to ask for your help too and she needs to start doing that more

Dr. Z :

I think she is trying by saying she loves you and trying to let you do things for her to help support her, but I think she can do a little more too

Customer:

I think so too.. she is very Independent.

Dr. Z :

Well talk to your therapist about this and see how you can approach it because everyone needs help and if she starts to ask for it can bring you two closer together

Customer:

haha Funny I was thinking about that! that why Im here

Customer:

how to invite her, include her, let her know i will like for her... etc do i make sense?

Dr. Z :

I know you do and from what I can tell it will take time because she has in her head that all you want is sex and that is why she pushes you away sometimes, remember we talked about this

Customer:

Dr Z in all Honestly.. have you had a case like this? or similar?
where someone things the opossite due to medical conditions or diferent facts?

Customer:

yea! about the intimacy.. but also .. when will I have it if shees having hedaches.. guess I have to wait for the neuro uh?

Dr. Z :

Oh yes I have had couples have issues because of medical problems and insecurities/anxiety too, it is not an original story

Dr. Z :

Wait until the neurologist and ask her if she wants you to go to the appointment with her too

Customer:

I know the answer to that.. but ill ask

Dr. Z :

I know, but be persistent if you can

Customer:

wen we talked the other day that I went to her place, she did told me her feellings havent change but that me saying sorry all the time was basically getting old.
So I really need help on this, not to Fup things you know.
kind if feel were appart in a way

Customer:

but it was important to me, when you say she had to admid her own mistakes.

Dr. Z :

Well say sorry once for one mistake and then that is it and let it be and yes she has to admit her mistakes too if you both are going to move forward

Customer:

I feel like the B saying sorry all the time..
and I dont want to say.. Ok whatever

Dr. Z :

Just say sorry once and then that is it

Customer:

One thing I wanted to tell you is that im trying to be more aware of my actions when I get anxious and think logically..
Like now.. I guess if I was not .. I think I would be like the day I wanted to go there.
I think this will help

Dr. Z :

Good, you are making progress with your treatment and you are not letting the anxiety control you and instead you are learning to control the anxiety

Customer:

:D sweet ..
nice to hear that

Dr. Z :

Anytime :)

Dr. Z :

Just keep up with the progress and keep thinking objectively

Customer:

is like the flowers.. I have to just trust her on what she told me, even tho we both agree a little suspecious

Dr. Z :

Yes you will have to trust her. I understand that you are not happy, but I think this is because of her irritability and medical issues, which hopefully will resolve soon.

Customer:

Im really trying to coupe with this.. is hard tho

Customer:

I want also to plan the trip back.. what do you think? too soon? wait?

Customer:

the one that I cancell

Dr. Z :

Lets wait until her appointment with the neurologist and then you can decide to bring up the trip back

Customer:

will do.
Man we have been in contact for what..? 2 months or so?
is nice that I can just come to you and express my feeling and negative thoughts.
Im really happy your availible and help me on my dificult times.

Customer:

thanks Dr Z,
Any last advise?

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always here for you to help you through this. Truthfully you have been doing great and making progress, I think you have to be patient and wait until you hear what the neurologist has to say and the we can approach it from there. But to recap, do not apologize that often and try to be a little more persistent with her and take the lead, remember she likes it when you are dominant.

Customer:

"and try to be a little more persistent with her and take the lead, remember she likes it when you are dominant"
can you explain please :)

Dr. Z :

Well I remember that you told me she liked it when you are more dominant and assertive, so if you take the lead and be more persistent (meaning you will not take no for an answer) in regards XXXXX XXXXX supportive and going to her appointment with her can help you.

Dr. Z :

That is what I mean about being persistent and not always backing off when she says no, just give her a little nudge to say yes so it shows that you care.

Customer:

It makes me think she might think I dont trust her shes going to the appointment.. make sense?

Dr. Z :

Well just say that you want to support her and be there for her and let her know that she does not have to go through this alone.

Customer:

Excelent!

Customer:

ok, well once again man, thanks!

Customer:

God Bless you!

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I wish you all the best and God bless you. Have a great rest of your weekend!

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4514
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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