Hello I believe I can help you with your concern
I am so sorry that you are in this current situation with this man, I can tell by the tone of your question that you are very distressed with good reason too
I would like to ask you a few questions to get some more information, so that I can better help you today
Does this man always expect constant praise and attention?
I just can not do it anymore when I do not mean it. I cant even by him a nice card anymore
Given everything you said to describe him I believe he has a disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Here are more details in this link for you
This is a personality disorder where he will never get better without intensive treatment, and even then the odds are still not goo
I have already seen the details and he fits them to a T
He goes to a dr but its just so he can get his Navy disability.
I don't believe he shows his true colors
Also, I know this dr. personally and he is a quack. He will give you any meds that you want.
I know you cannot leave because of the financial situation, but you will have to figure out a way because this will not get better for you with him
How do I get him to leave without leaving behind too much destruction.
He lives with me, otherwise, I would have been gone long ago.
Medications cannot cure what he has, he would need at least 2-3 years of intensive Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to cure him and even then the odds are not positive because many individuals with NPD feel that they do not need treatment and that everyone is the problem.
I am so depressed
Well i want to recommend this book that has an assortment of ideas on how to leave someone with NPD
There is no one way to do it and you will have to try multiple ways to do it, but you cannot expect him to leave, you will have to leave him
How do I leave my own house?
Do you own the house or do you share it?
I have packed his things once and then felt sorry for him and let him stay.
he cries and says we will work it out, but after 2 days, its the same if not worse
Then kick him out, pack his bags, but do not feel sorry for him because individuals with NPD are very good at manipulating
Should I wait till I get a second job?
Do not fall for his tricks, these books here will help you understand how to interact with him
He has my kids fooled! Buys them things, gives them money....
That is up to you, if you want to wait for financial security I understand that, but things will not get better for you emotionally the longer you wait
he is the Man of the Year in their eyes and that makes it even harder, bc I can not give them a lot of things.
I feel so much guilt. Is this part of what they do?
He is manipulating people around you, this is what individuals with NPD do
Yes they want you to feel guilty, that is the manipulation!
can I find these books at Barnes and Nobles?
You may be able too at the store, I am not sure. But you will definitely be able to find them on their online store.
Do you have any advise on what to do until I can find a job
I am beginning to hate him...
And I am not like that.
Truthfully I understand your hatred for him and I think the best advice is to get him out of your life as soon as possible. But if you want to express your frustration/anger towards him, do it in an assertive way so that you still maintain control and also you still express that anger. This worksheet can help with that.
Expressing does not help. He pretends like he listens and then does nothing to change anything. He knows I need the money, and I believe he uses that.
He just says, "WHAT DID I DO NOW? I AM TRYING!" He gets angry
I think he uses that against you too. Individuals with NPD will try to control you
Ok, I will get the books and get a part-time job as soon as possible.
What a crap time of the year for this
I think the books will help give you insight on his behavior and help you disarm his way of controlling and manipulating too
I am sorry, but I believe the sooner he gets out of your life the better for you emotionally
I have nothing to lose by trying
Thank you for your help.
I feel like I am the crazy one!
Anytime, I wish you the best of luck and I hope this man leaves your life very soon because you deserve better. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
You are definitely not the crazy one at all, he is!
You are most welcome :)
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