How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
65591635
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Rafael M.T.Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband has a problem but he does not believe me..he thinks

Resolved Question:

My husband has a problem but he does not believe me..he thinks things out and then believes himself..he has accused the kids that they are on drugs etc mm accuses me of having affairs..then he calls me names like I am fat, ugly a f**k up...i want him to go for help he refuses..can I get him committed as I feel I will go crazy if I do not.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 9 months ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming reality you and your children have been suffering.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you describe here is very serious, since it clearly shows that your husband does suffer of serious mental health disorders, it is not just a matter of having a different opinion leading to an argument, but this is a clear pattern of delusions or very distorted beliefs, where reality is denied and leading to the serious abuse you have reported.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For how long has your husband presented these behaviors?

Customer:

For a long time..but only recently he has got worse. My two oldest children left home because of him...they are back but my daughter who is 23 said she will leave again. He try to control my life and the kids. He questions every time my daughter stays out or goes off with her friends for the weekend. She had just finished her BA degree and she is doing her honours in industrial

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please also tell me if he keeps these beliefs when around other people, like relatives or friends, making the same statements about your and your children's integrity and morality?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see

Customer:

Oh yes all the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then this is not an isolated episode but a chronic serious problem that has been getting worse

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to confirm this, but he does have, according to your report a serious mental health disorder, and his very abusive behaviors would continue unless you allow yourself to behold other approaches here, since unhappily, as long as he does not openly commit something that is considered as illegal, or presents a serious risk of danger, affecting his own integrity or your lives, no authority nor professional can initiate nor implement an intervention against his will.

Customer:

Yep when I suggested this morning that we get the kids tested for drugs just to show him he is wrong..his answer was do not treat me like a baby I am an adult mm they are on drugs and do not dare question it...what do I know.. i am a bad mother

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Without his consent nobody would be able to provide any necessary support for his rehabilitation to start and develop.

Customer:

O

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But you nor your children need nor deserve to continue to suffer this much, there is nothing healthy you could get from so much abuse, this is domestic violence, and even when he cannot be forced to get necessary treatment, he is still responsible for everything he does, and this serious abuse an violence are unacceptable.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Most people in your shoes develop depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders because of the serious pain an suffering they are exposed to when the mentally ill person continues to perpetuate the abuse without any limitation, since he has not afforded any serious consequence because of it.

Customer:

I know, but how do I get him to see a doctor? It took me more than 3 years to get him to go on high blood pressure pills..

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But you and your children are still suffering and should not afford getting more abuse and your mental health and well being more seriously undermined.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry but I no to see how anybody in your shoes could get that, and even in case you could persuade him to meet a professional using nay reason, once he finds out what's happening, he would get much worse, since he would think he got confirmation that you have been lying , manipulating and trying to control and harm here, and that's not going to be good for you nor for your children either, it would make his delusions and abuse much worse.

Customer:

Do agree with u but I am one of the lucky ones just to ignore him..but now I feel like I am going crazy listening to so much crap 24/7 lucky I work as an Estate Agent..but he even finds fault in me doing that...like I hear oh I support u and you are not making money.. or I am not good enough..or who wants to buy a house from you..i would not. grrr.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is a real nightmare, but as you just said, ignoring him, his serious mental health illness and abuse, would not resolve the problem, and sooner or later all of you would have to afford even bigger and more painful consequences from it, it is truly sad and frustrating but that is reality, when people, even those who have a lot of resilience are chronically expose to abuse they end getting mentally impacted sooner or later, and that's always sad and never a good think to do.

Customer:


do u think it could have bipolar disorder or do u think it's something worse than that? He is Also very controll

Customer:

Do u think it's maybe a case of depression or bipolar disorder! Or is it something worse than that?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It could be from a neurological disorder, to bipolar, to even schizophrenia, there is no way to know for sure unless he gets psychologically evaluated, but what you know for sure is that he has serious mental health illness, since these delusions and abusive behaviors show them, and have been getting worse, and that would be the tendency, this is why without necessary evaluation and consistent treatment, he would not have a chance to rehabilitate at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think he has personality disorder and this psychotic symptom could be related to any of the previous serious mental illnesses, mo way to know without adequate assessment. Does he have any rapid mood changes, of feel very depressed one time and very excited another?

Customer:

He controls all the money I am not allowed to have my own money and he questions every time I spend money. I have my own bank account and credit card which he recently found out...oh hell did he blow up..he can not understand why I want my own money..now I just spend the money and I do not answer him on what I spent..

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What you are describing is what uses to happen with most people in your shoes, you find yourself having to cope in some way and that leads him to believe he was right and that you have been really sabotaging him and manipulating everything, it becomes a real vicious circle that would get worse and worse.

Customer:

No he is just very moody some days he can be fine and in a good mood...the other days he walks around screaming and shouting about any small thing..from clothes on the floor to the car been dirty.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then I believe it could not be about bipolar disorder, but much more about personality disorder, schizophrenia or other psychotic disorder.

Customer:


yep I also though so...could it be genetic..his mother suffered from depression but she never acted in the way he is doing

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely, scientifically we still do not know for sure, but it is believed people come genetically programmed to develop these disorders, and it is through concrete life experiences, from bonding and parenting receive from parents or care takers, and other core experiences in life, that these disorders arise and develop. Then what you say makes sense, most times is just like that.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It's very sad and frustrating because he is the only one with the power and responsibility to get the professional mental health support-treatment he needs, thus no matter how hard you try to make him change his mind, it could never work, and that's why focusing on how to better cope and what you truly want and can afford now and in the long rung are very important decisions to work on.

Customer:

Thank you very much for all your advise I really appreciate it just confirmed what I thought was wrong with him..

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust. Please feel free to contact me if you have any other questions or to follow up, since I am here willing to support you as possible.

Customer:

Thanks I think I will have to threaten the divorce case again.. maybe that will work..but I will have to think of something.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education