I found your site this afternoon and I'm very grateful. I have a situation to share with you and hope you may be able to assist me with some information/direction.
I have recently married a man I went to high school with (I'm 48; he's 52). We have reconnected a year after he discovered his wife and mother of his daughter (who's now 22) has been unfaithful throughout the entire course of their 22-year marriage with over 30 different men that she could remember (he had a job that required travel 4 days each week). I have moved across the US to join him in North Carolina.
Upon doing so, I am learning some very disquieting things about his daughter (and recently, more about him). I worked in the public school system for 12 years, and this young woman is . . . . well, something's very wrong here. Let me start with his daughter.
Now, I do know that her mother raised her in almost abject neglect
, teaching her nothing about even the simplest things in life (self-care, home care, work ethic, social graces, etc.). Her mother was constantly dumping this child off on babysitters so she could go meet dates while her then-husband was gone for work. But the things about this daughter that I now see because I live with her and her dad--frankly, I'm frightened for her. I am wondering if she's developmentally disabled from all the neglect, and the fact that her father was not home enough to really realize what was happening to his child.
Here is a laundry list of what I'm seeing. I have a 19-year-old daughter of my own in college, and the two girls are light years apart in development!! Again, this is a 22-year old--she lives, acts, and looks like someone half her age:
•She does not hold a job.
•She sleeps all day and is up at night. It has been this way since she graduated high school.
•She has not even the most remote interest in dating.
•She has only two household chores: Dishes and cleaning the cat litter.
•She is obsessed with anime' cartoons.
•She has the ability to speak intelligently about such things as politics, yet will go for days without bathing or dressing herself (she goes around the house in a t-shirt and underwear--often, the underwear are in dreadful disrepair).
•She has no interest in grooming herself (makeup, hair styles, etc.), nor will she clean her surroundings (her bathroom, bedroom, etc.).
•She often carries and sleeps with a ragged remnant of her childhood security blanket.
•Recently, two male friends of hers stopped by for a visit. She did
not put on jeans or shorts, citing that it wasn't necessary to cover up because these friends were homosexual.
•Upon occasion, she will argue a point with her father, seeming to be in refusal to be wrong about anything, much like someone in pre-adolescence would do.
•She has a very 'elementary school-age' view of public displays of affection, stating that such things are "gross" or "sick".
She chews with her mouth open.
She and I have gotten along alright, but there's very little chance for any deeper discussions between us because she's awake all night/asleep all day. Her personality seems very avoidant of social connection, besides. Except for talking about cartoons (I'm an animation fan), such intimate types of connectivity have yet to materialize. Her dad is trying to be gentle with her following the trauma of finding out about her mother's titanic indiscretions, but I can't shake the feeling that there's *something wrong with this girl*.
Then very recently, I discovered something shattering. My husband has an internet history filled with pre-teen pornography, family nudist website visits, child model "no-nudes" sites, and even sites showing alleged incest.
I'm beyond frightened. I am 3,000 miles away from my home in the Pacific NW, my daughter, and my whole family . . . on my own with a man I thought I knew. My daughter and I had a wonderful home together, we were very happy, I had a great job, and we were finally healthy after leaving my daughter's psychologically-abusive father (marriage of 25 years; he's BPD/NPD). I'm nearly 50, and should be so much smarter than to have become wrapped in this. But it occurs to me that I never would have known ANY of this if I'd not moved here and become a part of this household.
Looking forward to whatever light you can possibly shed. Prior to the discovery of the internet porn, I'd not spoken to my husband about the health of his daughter because I've only been in the family for about 7 months, but now . . . in your observation, does this young woman display the traits of someone who's been sexually abused??