I believe I can help you with your concern
Give me one minute to read over your question so that I can better help you
So it seems like from your question that you definitely have serious depression and anxiety issues and you are very creative person, but when you take anti-depressant medication you feel numb and it dulls your creative side, but helps with your mental health symptoms. Is this correct?
my father has bi polar manic depressant as doctors says he does not agree but that must be where it comes from
There are strong genetic factors with mental health disorders, but we do not fully understand the cause of mental health disorders
ya ... its like a wall when it hits, its the strangest thing... I don't want my daughter dealing with what I had to deal with growing up so meds is the way? its embarrassing to say I have to take meds
First off you should not feel embarrassed about taking medications. If you had a physical disorder like heart disease or Diabetes, wouldn't you take medications for that? Same thing applies here, but this disorder involves the most complicated part of the human body, the brain.
how harmfull are the meds I listed to me when I take daily
I would like to propose an alternative approach that has been successful in treating depression and anxiety and some studies show that it is just as effective as the medications. It is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.
how do I get involved
Well I think you meant escitalopram for the first medication you listed, and it is very effective and has the least amount of side effects of most antidepressants. The Ativan is very effective for anxiety, but it is also very physically addicting too, so if you take it for a sustained period of time you will have to taper off it slowly to avoid serious withdrawal effects. But both medications are safe to take for the long term
Well you can find a therapist that specializes in CBT to help you. Also I can recommend some good treatment books as well, give me a second to pull them up for you
thanks I just get freaked out when I read the side effects listed
Well I would like to say that the serious side effects to those medications occur in less than one percent of the population, so typically the benefits outweigh the risks.
CBT is the most effective and evidence based therapy modality to date that can treat your depression and anxiety
Also the use of natural supplements like St. Johns Wort, Valerian Root, Omega-3 (fish oil), and Glutamate have been shown to be effective in treating depressive and anxiety symptoms as well
But you should only take the Omega-3 with the medications, as the other natural supplements combined with your medications can cause adverse effects.
Do you have any questions or concerns?