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RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My girlfriend and I have been together now for 3 years. Talking

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My girlfriend and I have been together now for 3 years. Talking over our last 3 years together over dinner last night everything has been great. The only issue that keeps coming up is in the bedroom, she wants to make love twice a week and I would be more than happy with everyday. Is there a happy medium we should strive for or? I would love for your advice or some further reading I can peruse and share..

thanks, jordan..

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know bout your frustration around your sexual life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It seems that you have been able to get this far this well, without any significant issue but this lack of compatibility around what each of you feel you need, and want in your sexual life, seems to be limiting the fulfillment and further growth you want and deserve as a healthy couple.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is not an uncommon problem at all, but it becomes a huge issue when other areas present serious problems, or when this problem is not effectively addressed in order to get to this "middle path" that you suggested, where both could feel very fulfilled. Men and women are very different in the way they experience their sexual lives, and each person, regardless of gender, would have peculiar issues, challenges and features in their sexual behavior depending on multiple factors, from personality type, sense of self-worthiness and self-image, value and belief systems, previous sexual and romantic experiences, parent's marital lives modeling their own views and feelings around sex and intimacy and much more.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why so much open, honest and empathetic dialogue is essential to build and promote intimacy, further mutual trust and caring around your sexual life too, where while respecting each other's differences and uniqueness in the ways you feel, think and respond in your sexual lives, you would work on making adjustments and helping each other to be and feel happier and more fulfilled as a real couple.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is a process that would demand from you much more than will power and physical effort from her side, it is about deepening your mutual understanding, emotional intimacy, and caring for each other's happiness and well-being. It is not easy but without doubt, it is necessary and worthy.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do recommend these books as very helpful when working on developing or improving sex and intimacy in long terms relationships. I hope they could help you too:


The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing to support you. Thanks.

Customer:

I agree with the above, which does make sense and should afford a better more intimate relationship. I know we are open to talking about any issue that may come up, yet the understanding of ourselves, our own bodies and the way to interact intimately, verbally, to foster emotional intimacy may be a fault. I will see what I can do to find the books suggested, yet we are in Chile for many more months so the search may not be fruitful (in terms of a hard copy). Any articles online I can read for free, or will google send me in the right direction?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see and agree, these are without doubt core areas where you need to work on.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You could look for the digital versions of some of these books through Amazon and Audible. Google Books could be very helpful having digital versions too.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In case you cannot find any of them available let me know and I will look for them or other good books you could get online.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

A sex therapist could be necessary too, but this is a process and will require time and commitment.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Is that Ok with you?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello?

Customer:

Yes that should be good. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good, Thank you. Then we'll keep in touch and you would let me know if you can't find these resources available there. I will contact you with what I find too. I do remember one program that is very unique an useful that you could implement by yourselves that would help in your communication, I will look for it and let you know.

Customer:

great.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take good care and let's keep in touch.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I found the second one in digital versions, text and audio: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

And here is the other one: The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love http://www.amazon.com/The-Act-Marriage-Beauty-Sexual/dp/0310212006

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This would help until you could get back home and get a good therapist

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you again for your trust. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here to support you.

RealSupport and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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