How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4761
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
74815544
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My daugther just posted on facebook that they are moving to

Resolved Question:

My daugther just posted on facebook that they are moving to Puerto Rico and taking my 3 grandkids with them. My granddaugther is 5 (has different father), my grandson is 2 and my other grandson is 9 months. I live in Florida. My daugther does not work. My future son-in-law (they live together) has a daugther who is about 7 or 8 that lives in Puerto Rico. He would only get to visit her once a year for a couple weeks because he mother will not let her travel to the U.S. unless she is with her. My daugther does not work (stay at home mom) my son-in-law only makes about $12 a hour so they are state assistance. They say that they are moving for a relationship with his daugther. But we know where they are living there was damage done to the manufactured home and the landlord is blaming them (they did not cause the leak underneath the house) and the landlord did not have the house insured as tenants living in it so it is not covered.

My daugther just posted that they are leaving don't know when to go live with his family in puerto rico. I don't have any other family that I speak to her except my parents and my husband. How do I cope losing seeing all 3 of my grandkids and daugther from several times a month to once a year if I am lucky (I am paying off debts and my job has not been stable - banking layoffs.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that your daughter and grand-children will be leaving the country soon.

Customer:

thank you

Customer:

how do I deal with that loss?

Dr. Z :

May I ask have you talked to your daughter about this yet or are you just going off of her facebook post?

Customer:

only facebook. she didn't talk to me she just posted it on her facebook page and I confirmed that they are leaving but I don't know when.

Dr. Z :

Well definitely try to spend as much time with them as possible right now until they do leave, but I am sure you know that.

Dr. Z :

There will be a period of grief when they do leave and this is natural so do not try to fight it,but let it come. Here is a good worksheet on grief for you to understand.

Customer:

yeah i will

Dr. Z :

Also have you ever experienced this type of loss before?

Customer:

Ok. I understand it better to grieve. I at one time went to celebrate recovery for codepency. I can take a class then too

Customer:

No not this type of loss

Customer:

I don't have a lot of family connections because of dysfunction in the family and family members with alchol and drug problems

Customer:

Because of those problems I have walled myself off from relationships I am trying but having a hard time letting people in.

Customer:

I will read the link you provided

Dr. Z :

I understand, then I would also suggest possibly seeing a therapist to help you with this and help you prepare for this loss that you will experience. Taking a proactive approach can help lessen the pain when they are gone from your life.

Dr. Z :

Also there are some great family support groups that may help you as well

Customer:

Yeah that is a good idea. I went years ago I did a lot better my diagnosis was PTSD. I think I need to return. I have a new job (that is temporary hoping to return to my job in mortgage in March).

Customer:

I just got a lot going on at the same time. Yeah I think I need the support.

Dr. Z :

I think going back to therapy will help you a lot as a therapist is a good support for you and an ally that will help you through this.

Customer:

yeah i agree. It seems like the last couple years I keep having loses. It has effected my ability to connect to people for sure.

Customer:

Yeah I will sign back up to see the therapist.

Dr. Z :

I am sorry to hear that, but I think you can control this and not let these losses effect you greatly. If you worked on connecting with others, I think these loses will not hit you as hard and a good therapist can help you with that.

Dr. Z :

Here are some good books that may help you too

Customer:

Yeah I think you are right. I have started slowly back. It I assume is a fear of loss I figure if I don't connect deeply then I can't get hurt but I can't feel the love either.

Customer:

I suppose there is nothing I can do with my daugther and grandkids but wish them the best and try to visit Puerto Rico when I can.

Customer:

I will read the books. I love to read so I think it will help alot

Dr. Z :

And I am sure they will appreciate you a lot when you do visit them

Dr. Z :

These are very good books and will help

Customer:

How will my grandkids cope without having me their grandfather around?

Dr. Z :

Well children can adapt and adjust very well, while I am sure they will miss you greatly but they will learn to adjust. You can also write letters and keep in contact through phone or video chats too

Customer:

that is good that they adjust. Are the video chats for children somewhat effective as showing them that you are still committed to them?

Dr. Z :

Yes they are very effective for extended family members to maintain communication and show love/support when they are physically separated.

Customer:

ok. I imagine their move to bring my son-in-law's daughter back with her father regularly will be life changing for her. I see that as positive. I will work I guess on what I can do here. I guess I have been blessed too with the time I have had.

Dr. Z :

I think that is a good positive attitude and that will help you cope with this, but I feel you will get through this.

Customer:

ok. thank you for your time.

Dr. Z :

Anytime, I am always happy to help. I hope it all works out well for you. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.

Customer:

ok thank you. You did provide excellent service. Have a good night. Thanks.

Dr. Z :

You are most welcome :)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4761
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education