i recently spent two days on a 72 hour mental hold - it made me think. The reason i landed there is complicated.. Here goes, I meet and fell in love with "A" jan of 2012. We met after work ( we both worked 3rd shift at the time) in a local bar. it turned out he was my childhood neighbors cousin. I hadnt seen him in approx 20 years. SO the first day we got friendly and agreed to meet at the bar across the street for breakfast the next day.
Fast fwd, we were instantly in love and attracted to each other. We spend every waking moment ( think 3rd shift hours, him finishing up a 2 year messy divorce, which i help him thru as best i could < he has his boys on tuesday nights and wed til 730 - works at 930 and every other weekend) He was always wonderfully supportive, but within a few months, when i started getting more weekends off than him and would go out with my friends while he was working. He got very jealous, gave me alot of guilt trips, always saying i know how horny you get when your drunk and you have black outs so whos to say your not gonna go home with someone else.... no it never crossed my mind. Eventually i ended up with a drunk driving, which i didnt hear the end of. I also lost my full time 3rd shift job, i spend every minute of every day i could with him. He not only has a 3rd shift job and his boys, he has a beef farm he shares with his brother, whom works 3rd shift and expects him to stay up after work and do chores, farm fields etc on the brothers schedule.
After a couple months i went back to school full time in a city 40 minutes east of my home, and i live 25 minutes east of his home. I enjoyed school immensely and didnt mind the hour drive to spend time with him on his off nights with his boys - leaving my own 13 yo son home with my roommates. In the summer he would go with me sometimes, but there was not enough beds and room for a basically only child whose not used to 2 younger boys and my son wasnt always interested in going.
I sometimes would get and be tired after school somedays and just want to be at my home. If i didnt go by him, he would throw a fit and accuse me of going out to the bars. any time i wanted to go out with my friends he was always pissed and be mad at me, i would have to go beeging and pleading for him to not be mad at me. Many of my friends, would say he had controlling behavior and i started to rebel againest it. going out on some nights he had to work and not telling him. Not always, but i felt i needed my sense of freedom. Just because he would work weekends didnt mean i had to sit home... In june of the first year together i realized i was pregnant, we went thru alot of talking with that, me being 41 and having a health risk and him very emotional because his youngest son had a stroke
at the babysitters at 9 months old, he cried and explained how he swore he never wanted to deal with that fear again. even tho i never believed in abortion, i made the arrangements and he supported me the whole procedure.
eventually i started watching his boys the weekends he had them and had to work.... he seems happy with that...to me it seemed because then he knew where is was. Eventually i got resentful, he would be so short on sleep trying to work and spend time with his boys and me... he would take things out on me and i would feel used and hurt if he left for work without so much as a goodbye to me. I forgave it alot of the time, because i knew i wasnt getting proper sleep. But it wore on me a lot.
In the beginning of the relationship he would come cook me breakfast after work, send me roses on our anniversary - adding one rose for each month.... after 9 months those things seemed to fade. I always got my good morning beautiful text, and i would always send him a have a good night at work text. even if we were "mad" at each other.
I always tried to take care of his every need.
towards the end of my year of school i got tired and frustrated, i had been working my butt off my roomates were constatnly screwing me over money wise, my mortgage is outrageous and id spent alot of my own divorce settlement supporting every one else. He was always supportive and listened to me.
I think that aborted baby was always in the back of my mind and i started getting emotional, especially when drinking, we would fight if we were out together, if i was talking to someone other than him, he would threaten to just go home, etc couple of occasions we would leave and he would drive me home and just take off saying he was going home. More than a few times he would grab all his clothing left at my house, pack it in his car and take off. on occasion i would tell him to do so, because of the anger - i believe it was alot of small anger, that built up and would come out when i was drinking.
Constantly being told by my friends that he was controlling me i began to believe it myself ... spending many nights after he packed his stuff and left crying my eyes out.