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I believe I can help you with your concern
I am sorry that your husband's sexual fantasies are causing you this much distress, I can definitely understand your concern regarding his behavior
May I ask, for how long has your husband been having these fantasies of you having sex with other men?
Well first off, congratulations on losing the weight I know how much of a journey that must have been for you. And also this is not your fault at all. Your previous thought about him wanting to "degrade" you because of the affair was very astute and not without merit, but because he has been continuing this desire I feel that your husband suffers from a Sexual Paraphilic Disorder called Troilism.
This is where there are three people involved sexually in the bedroom (it comes from menage a trois), but not everyone is involved in the sexual intercourse and one can just be watching
Now paraphilic disorders are just a fancy of saying an uncommon sexual interest that sexually arouses an individual.
The best treatment for this would be seeing therapist that specializes in sex therapy and one that practices Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) if your husband wants to inhibit this fantasy he has
Did you have any questions or concerns at all?
It seems like you do not like these fantasies or find pleasure in them, so I think if you continue to "play along" then it will just reinforce his desire for them and it may escalate where he may want to bring in a third person to be sexually intimate with you while he watches. A therapist that specializes in sexual therapy can be coordinate couple's therapy as well, so you are more than welcome to join in during the session as it can be more beneficial for your husband's treatment
Would you like me to recommend some therapists in your area?
Sure he can ask me anything if he likes. What is your zip code so I can look in your area and compile a good list for both of you
Okay give me a few minutes to compile a good list for both of you
So these three therapists in your area specialize in Sexual Therapy and also specialize in CBT therapy, so I think they are the best that will work to successfully treat this issue.
Do both of you have any questions or concerns that I can help with?
Of course, take your time.
Well there are not many on Troilism as this is very uncommon, but there are a few explanatory websites on paraphilias for you
Many paraphilias are harmless and if they are expressed by consenting adults, then usually there is no issue, but because this causes you discomfort in the relationship is why I recommended treatment. Well if you cannot convince him to seek therapy then that does mean you cannot go to therapy by yourself. Many times the other spouse will be curious about therapy and join in and contribute. But his behavior and fantasies will not abruptly stop without therapy and this will cause you increasing discomfort and less motivation for physical and emotional intimacy with your husband I am afraid
So if you cannot convince him to seek treatment, then it would be harmful for your marriage I am afraid to say
Usually there is not with these paraphilias and it usually escalates beyond just role-playing because as you mentioned your husband is not turned on by anything else but this fantasy
I wish there was more of a middle ground, but it would be difficult to achieve without the therapy that I mentioned
Anytime, I am always happy to help and I truly hope that your husband agrees to seek therapy to help you and your marriage. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
Oh and also when you finish rating me, this chat will be sent as a link to your email, if it has not already, so you can always use it for future reference. In addition, this chat will be saved in your JA account under My Questions so you can always go back to it when you need to
You are most welcome :)