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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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We had taken him there under the advisement of his physician

Customer Question

We had taken him there under the advisement of his physician since we had not been able to find good help on our own. My son was close to being suicidal last night because he felt that he had gotten me into a lot of trouble and I would lose the medication that I need. My mother, my husband, and I tried to tell him that I would handle it and it would be alright, but I'm not sure what I should do to handle it. He said that I am the one person that has always been there for him and now he has screwed me over. I cannot lie, I'm very concerned about the consequences that may fall on me but I have been trying to act like it is no big deal so that he doesn't do something to himself. He has been dealing with these problems for so long that I can't even remember the last time he was happy. Last February, he told me that he might want a sex change. I cannot tell my husband, he would have an unreasonable response to this. I have been talking to him ever since this came out and really do not feel that he wants this. I think he is just searching for any answer or change that would help him. I have explained that that is a serious decision and that it would not solve his problems, just create more and different ones. We live in a small area, have very limited funds (since I haven't been able to work due to my health problems), and I'm not sure where to go from here. My son told me that he only said that because he was desperate for help and to get out of college without having it go against him since he is having trouble functioning on even the smallest level. I'm afraid that unless I can get this cleared up so that he knows I am alright, he may do something drastic. I have had a few cousins who have killed themselves, and do not think I could survive losing my only son. I'm afraid for me and him at this point.
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
Hello, and thank you for the additional question.

If you would like to rate my original answer, I can work on this new question. Thank you!

Kate
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

I have rated your response. I would like to keep this next conversation open until all of my concerns are have been answered. Thank you

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
Thank you very much for the rating and bonus! I appreciate it.

It sounds like your son is in a lot of distress. Although it is unethical to diagnose anyone without seeing them face to face, it does sound like your son is suffering from some type of depression. And if he is telling you that he is so distressed that he cannot function and is considering suicide, he may need to consider in patient hospitalization. Although that may sound scary, it could help him get the treatment he needs right now. He would get an evaluation, be seen right away for treatment and get the safety he needs to be sure he will not hurt himself.

If he is willing to go, try to take your son to your local ER. Let them know he has expressed feeling suicidal. But if he is not willing to go, you might have to file a 302.

To file a 302, which is an legal document ordering an involuntary commitment for inpatient mental health treatment, you can contact your local ER. They will provide instructions on how to file the 302 and either have you transport your son to the ER for an evaluation, or they will send the police to escort him if he is not willing to go. The person seeing the behavior must be the one to file. No one else can. Your son would be committed for a period of time, usually 72 hours then his case would be re evaluated by the doctors and courts. They can either keep him for a longer time or release him for follow up with a local treatment center.

Your ability to pay would not matter if your son is in distress and is considering suicide. The hospital where he is admitted would go over financial information you have and could possibly find health insurance assistance for him as well as for his stay at the hospital.

Kate
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

That is why we went to the psychiatrist for evaluation. My son said that if he felt that he needed hospitalized that he would do it, otherwise he would rather do it on an outpatient basis. All this doctor did was make his state of mind worse. I'm not sure that he will be willing to go through this again considering the outcome. I need advice not just for him but unfortunately now for how to handle the problem he has created for me too.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
It sounds like your son went to a psychiatrist that was not helpful. Just like with doctors, sometimes you need to search for one that can help. And not all are helpful. It may be a matter of your son seeing another psychiatrist if that is the route you both prefer for treatment. You can contact your local United Way or community mental health for recommendations if the ones your doctor is giving you are not helpful. Also, here is a guide to help you:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/02/02/how-do-i-find-a-good-psychiatrist/

The best way to handle the issues your son has created for you is to try what I recommended regarding the letter from your doctor. If your son is going to tell the professionals he sees that you are trying to get meds through him, then a letter from your doctor addressing this issue should clear that up. If you are feeling distressed by your son's situation, you may also want to consider therapy for yourself. Helping someone who is emotionally distressed can cause a lot of stress for you as well as the caregiver. So therapy can help you talk about your issues and feel more able to help your son.

Kate
Customer: replied 9 months ago.

It is not that I am trying to get medication through him, he told them I was giving him my vicodin. I know that this could create a serious situation for me, and the worst of it is that I have not and would not do that. Again, the thought that he may have caused a problem for me has made him worse and I know that until I figure out how to deal with it, he is going to stay in an even worse state of mind than he was already in. I've been trying not to let my concerns show to him, but that is difficult since I know that if my doctor thinks that I may be doing this it could be serious.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
You can call ahead to the doctor or therapist he is going to see and let them know of your concerns. While there is no way to prevent your son from telling the professionals he sees these things, you can try preventive measures to help the professionals to understand the situation.

Kate

Customer: replied 9 months ago.

You don't think that they will just believe that I am trying to keep myself out of trouble? I've thought about offering for him to take a drug test but don't know if I need to put him through that on top of everything else.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
Therapists and psychiatrists understand that someone under distress from emotional issues do things they normally would not. You can also talk to your doctor about a letter from him/her and let them count your medications for you so they know you are not giving any to him.

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 9 months ago.
Thank you for the positive rating. I appreciate it!

This resource may also you:

Helping Someone with Mental Illness: A Compassionate Guide for Family, Friends, and Caregivers by Rosalynn Carter and Susan Golant M.A.

My best to you and your son,

Kate

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