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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I'm very sorry to know about your situation.
thanks. what advice would you suggest?
You're still building your relationship, thus this is a normal reaction, he just needs more time to actually know how to feel more comfortable and confident around it. Time is necessary for build bonding. Please be patient and supportive and try share together as a family as possible.
But if he feel so overwhelmed because of his insecurities and this is affecting your relationship, then it would be wise for him to consider individual counseling support.
Does your boyfriend suffer from anxiety?
He had a very rough childhood, grew up with a stepdad who was abusive. He gets very jealous for no reason and doesnt know if he can deal with my ex being in the picture.
no not anxiety.
that I am aware of.
he gets very angry and jealous and feels inferior to other males. so he then feels like picking fights. his thinking is if these other guys are better than him then if he can knock them out he will be the alpha male. he doesnt actually start fights but that is what he is thinking and gets angry.
Then it would make perfect sense for him to get individual counseling, since this challenging situtiation is triggering his personal issues related to abusive traumas.
so is it something that is an individual thing not a couple thing? something he should do on his own?
Then your boyfriend has serious anxiety and anger management issues.
Which require individual professional counseling.
ok. that seems to be the best way to go. I guess I will have to see if he is willing to do that. thank you for your advice
He needs individual psychotherapy to works on his personal issues, then couples counseling will be beneficial, you could try both, but remember that couples counseling can only be successful if he really works on his personal issues, first or at the same time.
You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust.
Please feel free to contact me as necessary, since I'm willing to support you as much as possible.