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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4399
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Anxious & Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious & Peru
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello again, how are you?

Customer:

Im actually Ok...
I just want to tell you what happen.

Dr. Z :

Sure go for it

Customer:

I txt this AM saying Exacly what you told me to.. and she told me Im home now had a hedache and stressed at work and she told me she was sleeping when I called yesterday.

Customer:

So I say sorry your stress, I know the feeling Ill let you rest and hope you feel better. Love you

Customer:

she reply okay love you too

Customer:

and we txt during the day on/off

Dr. Z :

So it sounds like you had a good day then

Customer:

she even send me a pic and that made me :)

Customer:

so earlier I txt hey babe how are you feeling?

Customer:

and hour later (wich is usual ) she told me she was on the phone w work stuff

Customer:

and I say "K" and haven't heard back

Customer:

since almost 2 1/2 hrs

Customer:

so I want to txt her but also don't want to be pushy u know..

Customer:

I still have the food for her.. but She has not responded..

Dr. Z :

Okay well I was right about yesterday that she was sleeping and exhausted and that is why she missed your text. She is stressed right now, so let her text you when she is available.

Customer:

I don't want to push this woman away.. I feel im doing that, u know..

Customer:

well ,.. I don't want her to feel that way

Customer:

due to my actions.. of not txt her back

Dr. Z :

No, you did the right thing today and she responding with more affection towards you during the day, so you are not pushing her away at all.

Customer:

Im following your advice, at this point I miss her, being around her etc.. so I feel I don't need to ask " hey can I stop by?" or " stop by" how can I let her know?

Dr. Z :

Well right now may not be good because she is busy and stressed, but you can mention "Hey next time you are free or not as stressed, maybe I can take you out to dinner to help you relax more"

Customer:

But as a boyfriend why do I have to say "when you have time" or not as stress"

Customer:

does not make sense to me

Customer:

and saying "maybe" maybe is like saying.. "huh.. I don't " or " Ill let you know" type of think..no?

Dr. Z :

Well because you are being considerate. Just because you are free and not stressed does not mean she is. This shows that you care about her and you do not want going out together to add to her stress, but you want her to enjoy herself.

Dr. Z :

That is fair you do not have to use maybe

Customer:

should I used the usual "good night/good morning"
Like I say I don't want to make her feel I don't care

Dr. Z :

Yes if that is your usual, then definitely do it. Later tonight you can ask her how the rest of her day was, because the last time you texted she was busy. This is not too pushy at all

Customer:

I like what you told me.. "not because im not stress or not busy does not mean that she is not"

Dr. Z :

Well I just want to help and put you in her perspective too. You are just being considerate for her and that shows that you care

Customer:

I did txt her " how was her day"

Customer:

already..
I like talking to you because you get me out of the box.. but sometimes my mind races with this negative thoughts that Im even thinking about seeing a psychiatrist for meds to control it.

Customer:

yesterday I felt like that. I did help me going to the movies

Dr. Z :

I understand, if you were going to seek medication, I would recommend 10-20mg of Lexapro, that is a good medication and it has less side effects than other medications in the SSRI class.

Dr. Z :

Good, I am glad that you were able to distract yourself by going to the movies.

Customer:

I actually look at Lexapro.. I heard good things about it

Dr. Z :

It is an effective medication that may help you, but only therapy will cure you, and the medication just lessens the symptoms

Customer:

Im actually practicing the excersices you gave me too..
and example is like.. right now.. if she does not answer? should I txt "??" or leave it as that?

Dr. Z :

Leave it at that and let her text you

Customer:

at my age I feel im being coach lol
but due to my past this trigger my anxiety,..
Knowing our history ..do you have a Idea of her? or maybe If im the one with the problem? because I think im the one with the problem.

Dr. Z :

I would have to meet her and talk to her to see if she has any significant issues, but I do know that we can work on you right now and help you with your anxiety.

Customer:

I think sometimes.. that I don't want her to think Im being the ignoring boyfriend you know... Is like know is kicking me that she is not txt.. my mind is staring to race with thoughts.. even tho im trying to distract myself

Dr. Z :

I know you are getting anxious waiting for her to text, but she has a life to not revolving just around you. She will not think that you are ignoring her at all, do not worry about that.

Customer:

I will try..today made me think about not being on the friend zone.. she made my day with her response

Dr. Z :

That is great!! See hold on to those positive thoughts and behaviors that she expresses towards you

Customer:

so how can I asked her that I want to go see her on spend some time with her

Customer:

like if I want to come over

Dr. Z :

Well just ask "are you free to spend some time together? Want me to come over?"

Customer:

reason I asked is because I don't want her to feel pressure, but also that im not ignoring the fact we haven't see each other

Dr. Z :

Just make is simple and low-key when you ask her like I did above

Customer:

I also bought her something , since I saw it and made me think about her today. :)
something simple..

Dr. Z :

That is good, I think she will like that. Very sweet of you :)

Customer:

Dr Z Im gonna let you go.. probably sleep or go see a movie.. try to distract and wait and see if she txt. if she does not, txt her in AM and say what? hey I txt u last night?

Dr. Z :

I would say "I texted you last night? Did you to go to bed early again?"

Dr. Z :

This was it does not sound accusatory

Customer:

It kind of does lol I think.. no??

Dr. Z :

No not really because you are giving her a reason why she may not have texted you, indicating that you understood that she could be tired and went straight to sleep without seeing the text.

Customer:

Im not gonna try to think about it too much and see.
I will keep you post it and I think with me your going to hit the 1000 positive rating!

Dr. Z :

Haha, thanks I appreciate the positive review. Definitely try to distract yourself and not think about it, remember how much she made you smile today, so think about that to reassure yourself. I hope you have a great rest of your night and definitely keep me posted.

Customer:

God Bless you!
and please don't leave this E-job you have.. you know too much about my problem, to start all over again.
I could take a flight and meet you in person at this point :)

Dr. Z :

Haha, do not worry I will not be leaving here and will always make time to help you. God bless you as well :)

Customer:

thanks man.

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4399
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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