Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this frustrating situation.
What you describe, the very behaviors you have been presenting all these years perfectly match an anxiety disorder known as OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Unj\happily anxiety disorders are very common, and OCD is one of the most overwhelming ones.
I am very glad to know you have taken this initiatives to look for answers and solutions, since this disorder deeply undermines from mood, to functioning and relationship,s literally everything in a person's life.
Rehabilitation is possible, but requires of consistent work on your self with support from psychotherapy -psychological treatment- and from your support system -family and close friends.
what is the term unj\happily?
"Unhappily" I meant.
I'm sorry for my typing mistakes.
Please do not delay getting necessary treatment even more, otherwise the tendency would be for this disorder to get worse, undermining your mental health and functioning even more.
ok, im not very familiar with OCD but what exactly causes me to be compelled to do these thing is it an issue bad wiring in my mind or a bio-chemical issues? or learned habits
It is not about habits, it is about a mechanism fueled by anxiety,which bypasses your conscious-rational mind, pushing you to excessively focus on certain things, many times about things you may fear or domestic things that could be used as ways to reflect your anxiety, using the compulsive behaviors as a way to release the anxiety. It is believed that there are genetic predispositions to develop these disorders, and that your life experiences lead to their development, being triggered by stress or any other intense or negative emotion-feeling.
Then it is your body, from your genes to your nervous system, brain and its neurological, chemical processes, to your thoughts, fears, emotions and lie experiences what cause and shape this disorder.
...and LIFE experiences....
One core challenge with OCD is that the more treatment is delayed the more the person reinforces the vicious circle of obsession-compulssion, making it harder to rehabilitate from it.
oh, ok. this was very eye opening and informative. I will definitely proceed with contacting a local psycho-therapist. Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX EXTREMELY helpful.
Please look for local psychotherapy in order to start your rehabilitation process, since you do not want to afford it getting worse. You're very welcome. Thank you for your trust.
one last question, the $22 dollars was a one time fee right?
or do I have to cancel it?
I think so, the website charges one time for the fee you agreed, and that is good for the question -answer you posted.
ok, thank you again
You do not need to cancel it, if you do it would mean you did not get a response-support.
You're welcome. Please rate support. Thanks.