How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5045
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
74815544
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Z is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have many doubts about my relationship. We have 10 months

Resolved Question:

I have many doubts about my relationship. We have 10 months together. She is the best woman I have ever known. The problem is that I don't know if I love her. I feel so guilty when she says she loves me and I can't say it back. She has a daughter and I just can't incorporate this daughter into my life, she's a beautiful kid but I just can't, don't know exactly why. My girlfriend puts a lot of preassure on me because she wants me to accept her daughter and to take the relationship more seriously but I just can't. I don't know what is wrong with me, I have a great girlfiriend but can't be happy, I feel unthankful on life. I broke up with her and I feel terrible for hurting her feelings, I feel miserable, I don't know if I should get back with her and give it a try. I wish I could force myself in loving her
Submitted: 11 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 11 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello

Dr. Z :

I believe I can help you with your concern

Dr. Z :

I am so sorry that you are having this dilemma, I can imagine how stressful it must be for you

Dr. Z :

May I ask, and this may seem like a silly question but have you ever experienced and felt love before?

Customer:

yes I have

Dr. Z :

Good, so we have a benchmark to compare it to. And now this may be hard, but can you explain what it felt like to be in love with someone. How did that make you feel at the time

Customer:

I felt happy, with no stress, no worries, no questions. When she (my ex) told me "I love you" I always told her back and it felt just right.

Dr. Z :

And was that the last relationship you felt you loved somebody?

Customer:

yes, it ended 3 years ago

Dr. Z :

How and why did it end? If you do not mind me asking

Customer:

She lived in another country, long-distance relationship. We planned to move back together whe she finished her studies. When this happened she moved to my country but not with me. She decided to live 600 miles away. I felt heart broken. After four months like this I told her that I couldn't stand it anymore, then she said if she had to chose between me and her new home, she choses her new home. I felt devastated and ended it right away

Dr. Z :

Do you think its possible that currently you are protecting yourself from falling in love so that you do not get hurt again like that?

Customer:

I thik so

Customer:

think*

Dr. Z :

So do I. Because I think you do love her, but are not allowing yourself to feel that way because you subconscious remembers the pain you were in with your ex. One thing I would suggest is admitting this to your current girlfriend and suggest couple's therapy to help you realize that this woman will not hurt you like that and that you can trust her with your heart.

Customer:

but the again sometimes I feel that I rushed into a new relationship without being truly healed from the other

Dr. Z :

Well it was 3 years ago, so a little after 2 years is when you started this new relationship. That is a long time, but I agree that I think never truly got over the last relationship and I think couples therapy can help you with that too. This woman obviously means a lot to you and I think that trying to make it work in this way is worth the shot.

Dr. Z :

Being still effected from the hurt of your last relationship is akin to grief over the losing that woman. And because it lasted so long, it would be called complicated and unresolved grief

Dr. Z :

Here is a worksheet on grief for you

Customer:

yes, I agree

Customer:

I'm confused weather if it (this grief) is holding me back or made me rush into a relationship with this new girl, because she is great in any way. I care a lot for her because she is a co-worker and we were best friends before getting together

Dr. Z :

Well I think the grief over the loss of your last relationship is what is causing you to be protective over your heart and not admit that you are in love because you do not want to be that vulnerable and get hurt again. Now it could be that you feel rushed into the relationship, but then slowing it down would be a solution. Either way couples therapy can help explore and figure this out for you and her and help you both find a solution to help the relationship succeed if that is still what you want.

Customer:

ok, I'll give it a try, thank you very much

Customer:

(y)

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5045
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
Dr. Z and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education