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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5988
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Anxious & Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious & Peru
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello again

Dr. Z :

How are things?

Customer:

I don't know.. I know im stress..
do after last night, I was waiting for her to txt or call, remember, I had the dogs so I was thinking "she will call or maybe she went to work again..
So no communication until this am when I called her

Dr. Z :

And what happened after you called her?

Customer:

she was sleeping.. and does not feel well due to allergies.

Dr. Z :

Well that is possible

Customer:

so I went and drop the dogs off.. and I stay for about 5-10 mins.. usually I wen she close the door I give her a kiss and this time we just say Bye.. and she say see you later, I will work again tonight and I say ok drop the dogs again..

Customer:

so when I left.. she was at the Balconi and on a Sarcastic tone of voice she say "BYEE"

Customer:

so when I left she txt "drive save.."
I offer her to bring her fav food and she say yes.. so I txt her I was on my was and call her once at 3 then just now.. and nothing... not even responded to my last txt when I was going by.. I end up turning since she dint answer..

Customer:

So is this A test?

Customer:

should I txt her?
I don't want to be pushy and also not a hard ass to push her away more if she is ..

Customer:

so Im Anxious due to this

Customer:

by this time I usually heard from her letting me know shes coming by to drop the dogs and nothing

Dr. Z :

She have could have been sleeping and that is why she did not respond to your text, may allergy medicines can make you drowsy, so that may have occurred for her. Let her text you back.

Customer:

But.. she was supposed to work tho.. unless she got cancel..

Customer:

and yes she is taking meds

Dr. Z :

Still just let her text you back, try to play that you had other things to do anyway. This will show that just because she did not respond to you, you did not let if effect you

Customer:

I wonder if shes testing me ? I guess I have to wait, because if she does not txt and I txt and I txt her, I will asked what happend

Dr. Z :

I know, she may be testing you or just really tired from work and from the medicine. Best bet is to wait, texting her and asking her will not change anything right now. Let her come to you, try to keep busy and show her that you are doing other things too in your life and that you are not waiting by the phone for her to respond

Customer:

when In real life Im lol

Customer:

what do you think about that "Bye" in a sarcastic mode?

Dr. Z :

I know, but this will help you if you do stay busy. And if you cannot do that then try to make a perception that you are busy

Dr. Z :

Well she could have made it in a sarcastic mode because you did not try to kiss her goodbye

Customer:

and that's exactly what I always do.. and dint do it this time..

Dr. Z :

And she was teasing you on that and probably also a little disappointed too. Her being sarcastic was showing you that she was not happy and this was her passive agressive way of doing it.

Customer:

at this point should I txt are you bringing the Dogs? or anything or just wait?

Dr. Z :

Just wait. Remember you are trying to create a perception that your life does not revolve around her and that there are other important things in your life

Customer:

ok..
Today I felt .. Dissapointed and ashame of my self for what I did.. Honestly.

Customer:

waiting for her that night,,,

Dr. Z :

Do not feel ashamed or disappointed about yourself, that will just make it worse. Remember focus on the present and not the past.

Customer:

also I lost some weight and being more cranky at work..

Dr. Z :

Yeah that sounds like you are stressed

Customer:

I really feel Bad for what I did.. I wanted to tell her,.,, but she knows already

Dr. Z :

Well like I said you should not dwell on it and focus on the present and how you will not repeat the behavior

Customer:

by this point she should be at work.. so I guess not dogs

Customer:

Dr Z MI being to hard on her or myself?

Customer:

*no pet sitting

Dr. Z :

Well she may have called in sick and not gone to work, which makes sense. I think you are being hard on yourself and this causes you to get stressed/anxious about her

Customer:

she knows I have her food too... so that's why I say..I called twice.. have her food.. so the ball is on her court??

Dr. Z :

Yes she knows and the ball is in her court to call you, you have done all you could right now.

Dr. Z :

If she does not call or text tonight, then you can text her tomorrow

Customer:

and say what.. and how.. cause I don't want to say it on the wrong way and cause a argument

Dr. Z :

Good morning :) How are you feeling? I did not hear from you yesterday

Dr. Z :

Thats all you have to say

Customer:

Im afraid entering into the Friend zone and also pushig her away.. another thing.. the M.com porofile is gone.. not It could be hiddien.. or gone

Customer:

I feel she knows she has me wrap around her finger ....

Dr. Z :

She would tell you if you were entering the friend zone and she wouldnt have made a remark on how you did not kiss her goodbye if she wanted to be in the friendzone

Dr. Z :

I think she does too, but I also think she does not want this at all

Dr. Z :

She wants you to be more independent and not dependent on her

Customer:

does not want what at all??

Dr. Z :

She does not want you to be wrapped around her finger, she wants you to be independent too

Customer:

I think I have to confess this to you and I think this will give you a better puicture.. she likes to be dominated in bed, numerous times she as told me that.
So I feel like the B@#$ and her the strong one sometimes lol

Dr. Z :

She is into that and she likes to be in control and she wants you to be confident too. She probably wants you to have more confidence too outside of the bedroom, that is why she does not want you to be wrapped around her finger.

Dr. Z :

Just try to distract yourself and not let the anxiety get to you

Customer:

well.. I can tell you that sometimes I feel over confident.. Im a good catch I been told even By her.. so not that.

Dr. Z :

Yeah but you are not confident when it comes to your relationship because you are worried that she may be seeing other guys, because of how you got hurt in past relationships.

Customer:

true..
have to say, that I wonder if she has my replacement already.. putting things together.. a profile online ,, going out that night..

Customer:

Im just being open and honest because If I do this I think my changes of you helping me more are greather

Dr. Z :

Remember you cannot focus on that, she would not act the way she does with you if that is what she is doing.

Dr. Z :

She wants to be with you and make the relationship work

Customer:

Im doing anything Wrong? was not giving her a kiss a bad move? she sense it obiously...

Customer:

MI*

Dr. Z :

Do not dwell on this, it is a minor thing. Just say that you felt that she may not have been in the mood for a kiss because she did not feel well

Customer:

well.. haven't heard from her..

Dr. Z :

And like I said she may be resting, sleeping, and too exhausted to text. Just be patient and distract yourself, you cannot be by the phone all the time

Customer:

I think im going to the movies :)

Dr. Z :

Good, that will be perfect for you!

Customer:

one more thing.. do you think shes is doing this as a retaliation? I know you just stated the above...

Customer:

just asking

Dr. Z :

Its possible, she may be a little mad, but this is minor and if she was doing this in retaliation then that is very petty of her.

Customer:

for being 32 yes

Customer:

but also im looking my self in the mirror here too lol

Dr. Z :

But we do not know if that is the case, like I said she was not feeling well and she may just be exhausted. Go to the movies and keep your mind off this :)

Dr. Z :

You will be fine, she will call or text you soon

Customer:

Man I do not want to be like this lol I hope this retraining comes quick!

Dr. Z :

Give it time, but you are going to have to keep on practicing too

Customer:

alright.. my stomach is sour dude..

Dr. Z :

That is the anxiety, go to the movies and not think about your girlfriend, and you will feel better

Customer:

Im trrying this new tea.. passionflower

Customer:

heard of it?

Dr. Z :

I hope it helps you

Dr. Z :

I am not a big tea drinker, so no I have not

Customer:

Ok.. well thanks Dr Z
Will keep you post it

Dr. Z :

Definitely, best of luck to you :)

Customer:

thanks man

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5988
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Dr. Z
Dr. Z
Psychologist
5381 Satisfied Customers
Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.