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Ask Dr. Z Your Own Question

Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4272
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Anxious & Peru

Resolved Question:

Anxious & Peru
Submitted: 9 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 9 months ago.

Dr. Z :

Hello again :)

Customer:

Hi
Ofvourse have a couple of question.. trying to think outside the box..

Dr. Z :

No problem, ask away

Customer:

yesterday we talked and she was unsure if she was going to work or not.. so she asked if I was hm and I say yes, she came and drop the dogs off because she was going to work.. but had to go home and change.. so I send her a txt last night to have a gn at work.. no answer at all untill the am when she got out of work saying she got out and was going hm

Customer:

i told her ok "you rest and let me know when you get up"

Customer:

i havent herad from her yet/ she work night

Customer:

My mind wonders and trys to think.. "did she go to work?" is she currently out now?

Customer:

I think the past couple of days we both been "quiet"

Customer:

and Im trying not to be posesive or start a fight.. but I wonder again if im in the friend zone.. or if things are going south here.

Dr. Z :

No you are not in the friend zone, she would have told you

Dr. Z :

Remember how much closer she got to you when you were not asking her questions or being possessive.

Customer:

so should I even ask.. is things are ok between us? should I ask her if she loves me and wants to be with me? I honestly feel like shes pushing me to the edge. on the way of me just giving up on the relationship u know.

Dr. Z :

I think she is still testing you, like I said she may do this for a little while to truly see if you have changed and your actions have changed.

Customer:

is this a Healthy relationship? and what can I do to make this work? is it worlking now on your opinion?

Dr. Z :

I think it is working now, it sounds like she is being very busy with work and that is all. Also this has not been a pattern of behavior with her. I would say if this type of behavior lasts for more than 3 weeks, then this is not a healthy relationship, but right now you are focusing on just a couple days worth of information and ignoring the rest of your time with her and her behavior towards you

Customer:

help me understand this part.. when u say

Customer:

but right now you are focusing on just a couple days worth of information and ignoring the rest of your time with her and her behavior towards you

Customer:

honestly right now mi mind is trigering " is she home or on a date???" due to the profile on m.com

Dr. Z :

Well I think you are focusing on this negative of just a couple days of behavior where she does not call you back right away, but ignoring all the times she says she loves you and spends time with you too.

Dr. Z :

I definitely doubt she is on a date

Customer:

and im being honest to you, because like you say I have to rewire my thinking.. thats why I asked those type of questions to see if this is normal on this stage

Dr. Z :

I know, and remember we discussed that your anxiety will raise during this period, but you have to think objectively. If she wanted to break up with you, she would not tell you she loves you and she would not want to see you, but she does. She just might be very busy or want some independence here and there, all individuals in couples do need alone time too

Customer:

true.. but the "I love yous" seem to be diminishing.. I dont know.. just trying to think outside the box..\

Customer:

I honestly dont feel anxious.. but it is on the back of my mind.. those thoughts if she is being honest or taking advntage of me right now.

Dr. Z :

Well that will be up to you, but I think she has been honest with you and I remember last week your relationship was doing well.

Customer:

I guess I should not even bring up to remove the m.com profile uh..

Dr. Z :

Not yet because she said that she has no control over it, so she would not be able to shut it down at all

Customer:

Do you have cases like this? or im the only one that drags with this?

Customer:

so basically this stage of the relationship.. dont even asked her questions because she will feel being "interrogated"

Dr. Z :

No you can ask questions, but do not push. If you ask where she was last night and she gives you an answer, then leave it at that.

Dr. Z :

Yes I have had cases with patients like this, and I try to help the couples communicate better. And she is doing this you told me because she tells you more often where she has been

Customer:

sometimes I wonder is she is the one waiting for me to dump her.. I think she knows I will do anything for her.. that also why I sometimes feel she is taking advantage of me.

Dr. Z :

I think if she wanted you to dump her she would not ask you to come over or tell you that she loves you, she would push you away. I do not think she is taking advantage of her, but you know her better than I do.

Customer:

that is the way that I feel tho.. like she is pushing me away, thats why I say earlier I feel she is pushing me to the edge.
I guess also, just wait and see like you say before jumping the gun uh..

Customer:

there is no concreate way to find out this for sure unless the behavior continues correct?

Dr. Z :

I think waiting right now is a good approach because she has only been acting this way that concerns you for a couple days. If it is more long-term than you should voice your concerns. Remember she cannot reassure you all the time, you have to trust her if you truly love her. I know this will be hard for you, but it can bring you two closer together

Customer:

seems that Im the type that needs reassurance huh?..

Dr. Z :

I think you just do not want to get hurt again, and that is natural

Customer:

ok..
well thanks for your time Dr Z

Dr. Z :

Anytime, is there anything else I can assist you with tonight?

Customer:

no, thats all.. I really Hope that by doing my part it will bring us both together.

Dr. Z :

I think you are doing everything right, do not doubt yourself or her :)

Dr. Z :

I wish you the best Anxious and Peru ;) Sorry I do not want to use your real name

Customer:

:) thanks!
Will keep you post it.

Customer:

Blessings

Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4272
Experience: Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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