I believe I can help you with your concern
Please give me a minute to read over your concern
I am so sorry that you are having this issue with your boyfriend, I can imagine how distressing this must be for you
I would like to ask a couple questions to get some more information, so that I can better assist you.
May I ask, does your boyfriend like to be in control?
Does he like to be praised for his achievements at all?
Does he believe that he is better than others?
You mentioned that he is learning to be caring, does he have issues with showing empathy at all or reading people's emotions?
Also does he make eye contact when he talks to people?
And when you talk to him, does he usually have one-sided conversations?
Does he have an odd posture or possibly would you describe him as uncoordinated?
Also how is he socially? Does he have a lot of friends, or usually does he like to keep to himself?
Would you describe him as selfish at all?
I think he definitely does show some ambivalence with is care and empathy, but so far he does not meet any criteria for a disorder.
Let me ask you a few questions then
Do you like getting attention from others in most situations?
And how long have you two been together?
But you knew him when you were younger, is this correct?
I definitely think he has issues with showing and expressing his emotions to you for some reason. But I also think that you are attached to him greatly and that your fear of losing him causes you to try to keep him closer, but this only will drive him away more. You have to give him some space to allow him to be more affectionate with you on his terms.
I think because he was your first love that you are subconciosly thinking someone will take him away from you, like when you were 18, and this is why you are so attached to him. He does not have to call you everyday if he does not want to. Your love for each other should transcend this.
Well you are going to need to control your anxiety and not focus on the negative thoughts that he may leave. I think some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques will help you. CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective as well, then your symptoms will lessen.
So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.
In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping lessen anxiety symptoms. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.
Also individuals with anxiety have a poor coping mechanism, so this worksheet will help you develop a better coping strategy to manage your symptoms better.
These two books are also really effective in helping manage anxiety as well.
So these techniques will help you think more objectively and not focus on those negative thoughts that he may leave or not care for you. So for instance if he does not call, these techniques will just help you think that he still loves, but he may be busy or tired, that is natural
Anytime, I am always happy to help. I believe with these techniques you will be better equipped to develop a good solid relationship with him. Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Well since you initiated the last call, let him call you back. Make him pursue you
I do not think he thinks you are "crazy" at all, I think he realizes that you love him a lot
Try the techniques, and hopefully that will help with your anxiety and then you will not be so anxious needing him there all the time and this space will foster his independence and allow him to be more affectionate with you and not forced.
It will work, give it time and be patient. This will help him get used to everything and slowly he will start to show you more affection, but he seems like he is slow in this area, and may need some space to do it because he is not the most emotional person
Anything else you need or that I can help you with?
Anytime, I am always happy to help. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best. My goal is to provide you with excellent service, so if you ever have any further questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime.
Before you sign off though, I would very much appreciate if you could rate my performance in helping you so that I can get credit for this question. Thank you very much
Also this is a good book that you may find interesting too